Same name as mentor

[YuzuMochi]

Hi all!

I have a question about names 😊
We're expecting our first baby (a son) and we're discussing names at the moment. My heart is set on Raphael at the moment and my husband also likes it as a name, but he's worried about the association with my previous mentor's name. Long story short: I had a mentor in my previous job that was great, he taught me a lot and allowed me to really grow in my career. We were in very good work relationship and also did lots of trips abroad for work. It's never ever been anything romantic and my husband perfectly knows that and he trusts me completely. But I can totally see that we spent lots of time together and I highly admire and respect him as he's allowed me to reach my goals. I don't work with him anymore btw, but we're still in touch now and then about old projects that we haven't finished. The problem is that my MIL had previously made jokes or comments about my work trips telling my husband "to be careful that I will cheat on him" as a joke in front of both of us. I know it's a joke, but I also know that jokes often arise from inner doubts... So when we discussed the name, my husband says he likes the name, but he also joked saying "my family will doubt this is my child".. and I know it's a joke, but I also know that the name would have this problem 😅
To summarise: we both like the name, I didn't come up with the name because of my mentor btw (it came to my mind differently, but then I realised that's similar - but not the same spelling - to my mentor), but I also like that it honours him, cause he's been an important person and role model for me, but the name will make both our families and particularly his family a bit twitchy. I know I shouldn't care about what they think, but I also don't want us to be targeted by unpleasant and disrespectful jokes.

What do you think? Better to find another name, or should we stick with the name we love?

Anyone that had the experience of naming their babies similarly to other people in their lives? Was the association strong, or did it fade away quickly?

Thanks for your replies!!!

Hmm, I’m in two minds - obviously nobody owns a name, but the history of ‘jokes’ would put me off I think. Sorry.

I ran into a former colleague a while after having my son and realised we had used his name, and even that was slightly awkward!

I definitely wouldn't do it personally, I'd find it weird as it's so associated with another person, especially when there are so many names in the world. You probably only like it so much because you've heard it a lot on someone you like. Also sounds like your husband only likes it, not loves it.

How about Gabriel, Theodore, Sebastian, Lorenzo, Cassian. All as lovely to me and capture that romantic feel.

Would you be happy if it was a DD and your DH wanted to name her after a mentor your parents had joked about him fancying??

I would be OK with naming a baby after a former manager, but the name was something like Philip and my boss was always Phil.
I wouldn't with Raphael/Rafael because there won't be many older Raphael/Rafaels in your life.

No, pick another name.

It's a nice, fairly common name. I'd use it without thinking twice. I wouldn't have the slightest patience with input from ILs who seethe with suspicion about work trips in which they seem to assume you and a male senior colleague regularly ripped one another's clothes off.

Both you and your DH need to like to name, so obviously talk about it seriously between the two of you, but your ILs don't get a vote. If your DH doesn't want to use the name and is projecting his own doubts onto his parents, tell him to grow up and be direct. He's going to a parent soon.

Thank you for your suggestions! Our second option is Alexander which we both love, but is also fairly common, but we both like it too and it's been on the top of the list for weeks. Maybe it might be a safer option 😅 on one side I really like Rafi cause it sounds sweet for a baby (more than Alex), but once grown up I think both Raphael or Alexander would be perfect ❤️

I much, much prefer Alexander op!

And I just think the mentor connection isn't really fair on your DH. I wouldn't like it if my DH wanted to name a child after someone in similar circumstances. This is your baby and his, and the other name seems like an intruder.

If you want a softer-sounding baby name, Sacha is a diminutive for Alexander...

Other people use Xander, Lexi or Lex.

Would you be happy if it was a DD and your DH wanted to name her after a mentor your parents had joked about him fancying??

I agree op

Oooooh Sacha is a really nice nickname, I didn't think about it!!! This might help changing things for sure 😍

You're also right, but I feel it's a bit unfair cause THEY're the ones being malicious, while both of us (me and my husband) were both totally chill about my work... ☹️

Definitely go with Alexander. It's a lovely classic and has no baggage.

Alexander is nicer - honestly!

Find another name. It Will be "joked" about forevermore otherwise

What about Gabriel or Nathaniel?

Your mentor won't be in your life forever. I think you should definitely go with Raphael. It's a fabulous name, and if you don't use your favourite name you'll regret it and wish you'd gone for it. Things may well change after your DS is born and he's a reality. Any more such comments will then be rude and in extremely poor taste, and hopefully you/DH can shut them down and everyone can move on.

They're also lovely names, but for now I think our hearts are set on Raphael or Alexander 😋

That is also true! Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm overthinking, for this reason the name is not completely ruled out either 😅 I spoke to my DH today and I told him about this thread and said that maybe we should go for Alexander cause it's safer, and he actually said "we shouldn't care about what families say, so we shouldn't be influenced by this", which I thought was very sweet cause despite his initial joke, he's the one that actually kept the name on the table when I told him that maybe we should let it go 😅 I guess we'll keep talking and deciding lol

Can I just say that I’m specifically named after a girl in my mum’s class because mum thought she was the nicest person she had ever met. I do feel a certain appreciation about that. It’s also really nice to see that tiny insight into my mum.

So many threads here say “not that name - I don’t like someone with it so it’s tainted” and yet you have someone for whom you hold great esteem and your husband likes the name as well.

Go with Raphael and to hell with MIL for her meddling.