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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby name anxiety - Jack or Finn

29 replies

SJC88 · 25/11/2025 20:10

My sweet little boy (2nd child) is almost 5 months old. We didn't know the gender and looking back, didn't discuss baby names enough. We had a shortlist, but once he was born we quite quickly individually vetoed each other's choices. The only name left was Finn (my partners first choice) but I had a funny relationship with (on one hand loved it as it seemed to suit him perfectly, but was apprehensive about using an Irish name).

We however settled in Finn at 2 weeks old, but before telling everyone his name I had a real wobble and decided I couldn't call him that. Eventually we came up with a compromise name (Jack), and registered the birth at 6 weeks as Jack.

However it never sat easily and we constantly discussed changing it (to Finn or something else). I have since realised that I've perhaps not been in a great headspace. There is nothing objectively wrong with Jack, but I can't shake that it was such a last ditch selection.

I feel sadness looking back that we never got to positively announce his name as it was a real source of anguish for me. I feel I failed in the one simple thing a parent should do when they bring a child into the world! I loved my daughters name, and sad and embarassed I couldn't have the same experience for my son.

As an additional complication, I told my extended family at 3 months old we were changing it to Finn but never followed through.... so now people know him by two names!! Yikes, what a self created conundrum.

Should we change his name? If so, whats the best way to announce it? Middle name is Alexander.

OP posts:
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DuchessOfNarcissex · 27/11/2025 19:29

There are many Jacks, @romdowa , it's at #22. Finley is #18, Finn #83.

SJC88 · 27/11/2025 21:43

Squirrelmirrel2 · 27/11/2025 18:58

I think you need to take a step back and really think about what name you'd like him to be called. It sounds like you're still not even sure.
You can't make this decision unless you're totally sure as you can't go back again and you need to be confident.
Both names are popular and are nice names.

We had wobbles over our 2nd child's name and it totally consumed the first year. I wish I hadn't spent so much time thinking about it. I never plucked up the courage to change it and he's now 5. I love his name now and I don't even think about it.

Thankyou for your message. I'm sorry you also had a similar experience, although glad you love it now. Can I ask what was the turning point being happy with his name?

I'm aware that I am unhealthily fixating on the name, and afraid that it's tainting my maternity experience. I want to put it behind me, but as you've quite rightly pointed out I'm not even that sure myself what I want to call him. We still mostly just call him Baby / brother / little man etc.

OP posts:
DuchessOfNarcissex · 27/11/2025 21:53

@SJC88 , speak to a health professional. It can be linked to PND/PPD.
I don't think it's the name, but that you were pushed to agree to something when your mind and body were exhausted.

Stop calling him by the endearments and call him by his name.

Squirrelmirrel2 · 27/11/2025 22:42

SJC88 · 27/11/2025 21:43

Thankyou for your message. I'm sorry you also had a similar experience, although glad you love it now. Can I ask what was the turning point being happy with his name?

I'm aware that I am unhealthily fixating on the name, and afraid that it's tainting my maternity experience. I want to put it behind me, but as you've quite rightly pointed out I'm not even that sure myself what I want to call him. We still mostly just call him Baby / brother / little man etc.

It probably wasn't till he was at least 3 that I stopped periodically obsessing over his name. I even wrote a Mumsnet thread about name regret when he was 3. What helped is that we chose the name for a reason and as time has gone on and he's got older, he has grown into it and the reasons we chose it feels like they make sense. It didn't feel like the right name on baby somehow and people kept pronouncing it incorrectly. It was driving me mad. At least with Jack you know he won't have any problems in that regard!

That's why I think it's really important that you think hard about what name you really want. And if there's still nothing jumping out at you, stick with Jack, it's a great name. But so is Finn.
I think as they get older their name becomes less important, as they become a person. When they are just a squidgy little ball of baby, their name feels like everything. But don't feel bad for changing it if that's what you want to do. People will forget about the change but you've got to live with it forever.

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