6.5 month old and changing their name

[koalabearboombox]

My DD is 6.5m and gorgeous. We gave her a name that isn't super common but very pretty and commonly shortened to a nickname I really love. When I say nickname, it is also commonly used as a full name. To be honest it was the nickname I loved the most as opposed to the long version, but we wanted her to have a longer one to use when she's older if she wanted (to illustrate I'll use Elizabeth / Libby). DH really liked the long name (i.e. Elizabeth) but wasn't super in love with the nickname so we went with that with the agreement we could use either.

Most people, DH included, are now calling her by the long name or an alternative nickname (e.g. Lizzie instead of Libby). And the more I hear it the more I feel I want her to be known as Libby. A friend I confided in said it shouldn't really matter as it's a nickname but it's become quite important to me and I'm considering re-registering her to change it to the shortened version.

Is this silly? Should I just stick with what I call her and let everyone else use the longer name if they like? I'm a bit worried that I've confused everyone (including my older DD, who uses her own nickname for her, a silly made-up word).

I'm conscious she's going to be learning to respond to her own name soon and I don't want to confuse her. I also don't want to have to do the whole "her name is Elizabeth, but I call her Libby, but other people call her Lizzie". I just want to say her name is Libby and that's that!

I realise the answer was probably to get on the same page as DH from the outset but 6.5m down the line could really use some advice as to what to do.

I would just introduce her as the diminutive you want and not mention the long name. Particularly as you take her out to baby / toddler groups etc. When she starts school you complete their “known as” name as well as their full name on the application form.

It will be easier if you and your DH are on the same page though!

Her registered name is the least of your problems! Presumably you’d want your DH's agreement to the re-registering, so why not just have the serious discussion about the name anyway. You both need to be calling the poor child the same thing.

Get your older DC on board by telling her you need her help in teaching the baby her name.

I don’t think it’s confusing to have a long and short name - it applies to almost every Liz/ Chris / Becky / Alex in the world. But it sounds irrelevant anyway - if your DH loves and is using the long version, it’s really not fair on him to try to change things now.

I have done something similar to you. Liked the shortened version of the name, but felt like we should give the longer version, which I don’t really like. Unlike you, DH and I are on the same page, so he (DS4) has only ever been known as the shortened name, including at school. It riles me right up if anyone calls him the longer version though. Luckily, he (DS4) corrects them himself - just says that’s not my name even though it actually is. In your case if you can get DH onboard I would 100% change it. I would absolutely do it myself if it wasn’t for dual citizenships and two passports. At the very least you need to get DH onboard with the shortened name and then just use Libby. No one needs to know about Elizabeth at all.

Honestly, even if you had called her Libby, kids in school would probably call her Libso, or something - whatever name you call your child, you have no control over what other people call her once she starts school.

Is her dad consistently using Elizabeth and not Libby, or is he actually using Lizzie? If it's just Elizabeth I'd say it's fine, although I'd think he'll eventually want something shorter occasionally. But if he is consistently using Lizzie and never Libby, and if he's referring to or introducing her as "Lizzie", that will likely confuse others and maybe encourage them to "do their own thing", too. As far as unrelated nicknames, I'd say it's normal to address a baby with a made-up pet name when talking TO her but if your other DD is introducing or referring to her as "Binky" or "Snookums", I'd probably correct her so others don't get confused.

How does her dad feel about changing the legal name to Libby? Will that make him stop calling her Lizzie (if he is) or would he see it as a kind of friendly riff/pet name for Libby as well? If he's able to call her Libby or just Elizabeth, I'd try having him remember to do that for a bit before actually changing the name you both said you were happy with. If he can't or won't use Libby, it makes no sense to actually change the legal name to Libby; you'd be better off agreeing to use a different shortening of Elizabeth that you both like.

Is your DH using your less preferred nn unconsciously? And then others are taking his lead? Because it sounds like you agreed on full name/your nn and he’s now introduced a third option which isn’t fair.

I think unfortunately this is the risk you take when you use a name with multiple shortenings. She will decide for herself which she prefers as she grows up but you can't change her name if he father doesn't actually like the name you want to change it to.

I also think you're overthinking her being confused. Lots of children have multiple names and still respond to them. I think the most sensible plan is to continue to calm her the nickname you like and DH to use her full name.

Call her what you like to call her. My daughter is Imogen, I call her immy but she also has loads of other nicknames!! She will choose how she would like to be known in the future anyway. Don’t bother changing it officially it’s a lot of faff.
It’s a very normal feeling to worry about if you’ve chosen the right name etc. I feel like it sometimes. So don’t worry about it. You just call her what you like and let others do the same. It’s special if you like to call her something different xx

I just feel you're overthinking the whole thing and the issue is more in your head than in real life. I really dont get why people complicate the life of children by using such uncommon names or giving them a name they don't want to be called by. Why did you give her the long name in the first place if you didnt want it anyway?

I had the same with my daughter.
Longer name full name but nickname preferred, initially the longer name used but honestly as they've got older now an older child and able to tell people what she prefers to be called (the nickname) I don't even give it any thought.
I wouldn't even bother changing it on their certificate, her name will evolve as she grows.

Eventually your child will decide

My dd has a long name that splits in half to form two other names. I always preferred the 2nd half. But ex and much of family liked the 1st half. It was an annoyance to me.

When she got to about 8 she started expressing that she prefered the 2nd half. She is in her late teens now and gets really angered by the family members who insist on calling her a name she been asking them not to half her life. "But its what I want to call you" is what she gets in response.

So she wrong names them back!! Paul is now Pete. Michelle is Mindy. Sarah is Sally etc and if they protest "But its what I want to call you"

I think you should change it, you can't control what nicknames people call her and it will bother you forever. Just do it before she turns one and you don't even need to legally change it, just let the registrar know. Lots of people change their babies names before they turn one.

I'd just be consistent with what you call her and she won't be confused if dh calls her the longer/different nickname. My dgd has a long name on her bc and my dm insists on calling her that (though she keeps getting it wrong) but everyone else calls her the much shorter nickname. She's only 18 months but dd1 will just say her name is x known as y when she goes to school. Of course dgd might have other ideas but at the moment loves telling people her name.

Have you talked to your husband about this?
Does he know that you prefer the nickname Libby over the nickname Lizzie?
Can you talk to him about it?
Perhaps he doesn't have a strong opinion about it, maybe he just happened to start calling your daughter Lizzie.

I don’t understand the thought process here though. Surely your husband would need to agree to changing her name? He’s not going to - I wouldn’t, in that situation.

Talk about bulldozing your way in…

No need to re register but YANBU to insist on either the full name, or the short name you prefer. And remind people every single time! They might think you are being precious but that's their problem. Also always use the name that you prefer and say their name whenever you talk about your dd. Go a bit over the top for a while.
When they are older they can choose for themselves how they wish to be known, until then you get the say.
If DH doesn't like your preferred nickname he can use her full name.
Our DD answers to her long name or our chosen short name equally, she was quite cross when a teacher used a different but more common short form of her name.

DC2 has a short name that I didn't think could be shortened more, it can! and it really annoys me! So I told people that I didn't like it, not rudely but I was clear and people stopped, apart from the odd slip up. The ones that still shorten occasionally it aren't doing it to prove their point though because then I would get cross

lol what why does it “rile you right up” when someone calls him by the name that you gave him?!

I mean I can understand a gentle correction - “actually he prefers to be called Jimmy instead of James” - but to get all annoyed is a bit much!

I have a quite long name and then people use different shorter versions, mostly depending on the relationship.

I like it like that and I’d hate for my mother to have made my actual name a nickname, as an adult my long/actual name sounds much better in professional capacities etc.

Thanks everyone, opinions have been helpful! I talked it through with DH yesterday and he's happy with us referring to DD as the "Libby" name consistently from now on. We're going to tell all our family and friends that she'll now be known as that. It's really hard to explain the name without sharing the actual name but the shortening is a name in its own right. So it's more than a "Becky" or "Em" but more of a Kate / Catherine. I don't think we'll change it on her BC.

My sister is Victoria but she and my mother hate Vicky. My mother told everyone she came across is they shorted it to call her Ria which both my mother and sister like. My sister corrects anyone who calls her Vick or Vicky to Ria. When I speak to her friends now if I see them in passing and say Victoria they are always confused and say 'oh Ria'. It works. Just do that.

My cousin is Elizabeth, was only ever Lily as a child. Then she decided she preferred Liz, and has now been Beth for decades, but never Elizabeth! She is still referred as both Liz and Beth within the family. I also know Lotties who are now back to being Charlottes as adults. Keep the original version on the BC, I envy the flexibility as I have a very short name, all my nicknames have actually been longer than the original and are not ‘real’ names.

@Idontcareforthat interesting and very similar sort of name scenario! I'm happy for DD to change her mind when she's older, she's of course free to decide that. I just want her to be known by the name I like whilst she's little.

I understand, my son has a name like this (but I do also like the full version) I just introduce him as the short version that we prefer, and everyone calls him by the name.. He's 4, and MIL still calls him the other version sometimes and he says "why are you calling me that, I'm name we use" so I don't think your issue will last forever.

Love this 🤣 she's a genius ! I'd also completely ignore them if they used the wrong name and act all innocent like oh sorry that's not my name so I didn't realise you were talking to me .