Losing the plot over middle name being passed on!

[Lalalandy]

We gave a variation of my middle name to our daughter as her first name - not intentional, or as a namesake, but because we both genuinely loved the name/couldn’t agree on another (which now seems ridiculous!). I thought of it as a completely different name. So it’s a little like my middle name being Anne and her first name being Anna, or my middle name being Julie and her first name Juliet.

This wkd someone was asking everyone’s middle names and went ‘ahhhh sweet’ when I said mine - as in ‘how cute you named your daughter after yourself’!!! It’s making me feel very uncomfortable/sad/anxious - like I was either self-indulgent or very unimaginative ☹️ I hope my daughter doesn’t find it strange when she’s older 😣

Am I being crazy?!

Most people in her life won’t have a clue what your middle name is.

You are seriously overthinking this.

Are you worrying that she inherited a surname from one or both of her parents??

This kind of thing is totally normal! Using family names for middle names is done all the time. All the first born daughters in my family have the same middle names for 3 generations after a very beloved aunt.

I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought.

1. you didn't do it intentionally
2. it's a perfectly normal thing to do, if you did do it intentionally
3. no one will care!

You’re overthinking it.

No-one cares if your names are similar.

You like the name, so end of story.

Definitely overthinking it. My DS’s first name is a masculine variant of DD’s middle name and we didn’t even realise for years!

My daughters names are loosely connected and people read more meaning in that than I ever intended. I just liked the names!

I got lots of comments about it when dd2 was very little but a few years on, I hear none . I think people comment more on name choice when you have a baby for small talk.

I’m genuinely confused about why you think this is an issue. A lot of people deliberately use middle names to honour other family members. DS has two, which are DHs name and FILs name. I think it’s fairly common, and not remotely self-indulgent or unimaginative. Your DD doesn’t even have the same name.

Thank you so much kind strangers! I guess this is anxiety rearing its ugly head. Just suddenly had a panic I’d done something unintentionally odd! Really appreciate you kind and straight talking responses!! 🙏❤️

Yes, you’re being crazy!

It is cute!

Most people won't think anything of your daughter's first name being similar (not even identical) to your middle name. Very few people will even know! Dont worry about it at all.

And even the lady who did make the connection thought it was "cute" rather than weird! And she may now being feeling equally anxious that she said the wrong thing. We all need to worry less about what other people think, when really they are just worrying about themselves!

Massively overthinking it.

Middle names are meaningless.

PS - I do think that giving a child the same first name as you (which you did NOT do) would be a bit odd, even though it used to very traditional. Giving a child a family name as a middle name, often honouring grandparents, is not odd at all. We did it. Some people seem to be slightly misreading your post, or comparing it to a different case.

I once taught a Stefan whose mum was Stefanie (British family) and have to admit it did seem a bit self-indulgent.

Middle names are irrelevant though. My grandma was Margery and my mum's middle name is Margaret.

My dad was Leslie and my middle name is Lesley. I love it. Please don’t worry OP.

I don't think anyone really cares. My middle name is after my great grandmother. My cousin has the shorten less formal version as her first name

@Lalalandy I have exactly the first name as DM. It’s unusual and it’s a PITA. So I now use my second name but why anyone uses the exact same name is beyond me. In the USA I’d be OhDearII as in Davis Love III. It’s annoying and if you don’t use your middle name I don’t see the issue. Don’t say what your middle name is and if DD thinks it’s naff, there’s not much to be done!

Self-indulgent!?

I just find this attitude weird.

It is nice to have family connections and traditions. I find it weirder that that would be seen as somehow self-indulgent. It's not weird to want your dc to feel connected.

Family names used as first names and middle names is very common in my family. People like to do it for family connections. Op, being anxious about it and worrying if you've been "self indulgent" is a massive and weird over reaction. What does it matter? Friend made a nice comment IMHO.

You’re overthinking.
My dd’s middle name is my first name (i know you’ve done it the other way around). Deliberately. It’s not an unusual thing to do.

Overthinking. Just say “it wasn’t intentional, we both liked the name and only really clocked it afterwards, but yes, it’s quite cute when you think about it.”

I can’t see what’s “self indulgent” about using a family name. It’s considered perfectly normal for men: I’m married to a man who has the same name as his dad, his grandfather, his great-grandfather and his great-great grandfather. And my mum has her mum’s and her grandmother’s names as middle names. It’s a nice nod to the family line.

Its a strange thing to get anxious over. I know a mother and daughter, Yvonne and Yvette. Nobody gives it a second thought

Since my mum died I find it a great comfort I have her name as my middle name - sort of like she’s still part of me? So don’t worry about it.

You are definitely overthinking. Just take no notice. One of my DC has the same name as DH and it’s also my late FILs name and it’s also a common name on my mums side of the family so I definitely see nothing wrong with using family names.