AITA

[Ineedhelptochooseaname]

Long story short..
A family member has JUST had a baby. I am currently pregnant. They announced that next time, if they have a certain a gender (the same one I am currently pregnant with) they like a certain name. I'm really struggling to agree with the other half on baby names. We both like the name they have said (possibly my favourite but not necessarily other halfs). They have said if we use this name they will still use it too (it's a close family member who we see regular).

AITA if I use the name? (Ignoring for now that they would also use it).

Use it!

Use it, but then don’t be cross if they do too.

Use it. It really doesn't matter if cousins have the same name.

So, someone who is not even expecting any baby currently, and of course might not be able to, or might never have a baby of that sex is trying to tell you they are "bagsie-ing" a name for a hypothetical baby ?

Of course you can use it.
I mean, I wouldn't use it if it weren't a name I loved.
It doesn't sound like you were set on it, from your OP ? You would be very odd to choose to use it just because your relative likes it, but if that is the one name you and your partner both love, then do so.

Of course use it. They don’t own it. They might not even have another child!

Is the name Aita?
There are 1000s of names to choose from. I'd question your motives for choosing it.
If and when your relative has another child they may have gone off the name.

Use it if you like it, they might not have a second baby, or not this sex.

It's fine to use it. YANBU (much naicer than NTA <hoiks bosom>)

Have they said it would even bother them? It doesn't say in your op

No ethical issue with using it, but possibly practical issues. I'd leave it on the list of possibles but the fact that I know a close family member will likely also use it would be a strike against it.

I'd consider (1) if you both used it, would the cousins have the same first and last name? (2) Is it a very common or very rare name? Two Olivias or Noahs would probably be less odd-seeming than two Niobes or Tristrams. (3) Are there potential shortening/diminutives, and would you mind shortening it even if the other parents didn't? Alexander or Elizabeth probably give more scope for difference than Eli or Fern. (4) Is it a name you already liked/had considered or did you only think of it because your relative talked about using it? This one may not matter to you, just mentioning as it might to some people.

Thanks all! Appreciate all opinions!

@CarpetKnees: it is currently my top choice. Other half has a top 3 but no specific favourite from them.

@Emanwenym: my motive is because I like it a lot!

@Problemhooves: that would have been the sensible thing to do, especially as I could use the poll, but I was other half and child free and clearly not using brain cells while they were out! The dad wouldn't mind if we used it, he said go for it, but the mum didn't look overly happy. The dad said they would use it anyway even if we did.

@MirandaBlu: I don't know anyone with the name but it is definitely a used name and not made up/crazy. They like it because it's part of a famous group (and they have then said they would then use the other names for future children).

This

Use your favourite name.
They might never have another child.

You could absolutely use it but in my mind if there were two of them the name is failing at its most basic function. Names are there to identify you and differentiate you from others. If there are lots, nobody uses the names, and naming has failed. Then you get nicknames which evolve gradually and can be very stupid or embarrassing with tenuous backstories.

They are very weird for laying claim to a nem for a hypothetical baby but there are almost unlimited choices out there, name them something that does the job of a name.

They like it because it's part of a famous group (and they have then said they would then use the other names for future children).
Is it Destiny?
Gladys (Knight & the Pips)
Florence (and the Machine)?

Use it. I have the same first name as my
cousin and it didn’t ever cause any problems. My brother has the same full name (first name and surname) as his uncle and his cousin and no one has ever got confused or caused any issues at all.

If I've understood correctly, they said this is the name they would choose for a future baby and you immediately said that it is your preferred choice of name too.

If that's the case then I wouldn't hesitate to use it if that's what you and your partner end up agreeing on. I wouldn't let what they have said factor into your decision at all.

They have just had a baby. They've literally just had a shot at naming their child. They might not even have another baby, or not have a baby of the same sex as yours. It is currently your turn to name a child and you have exactly the same right they have to name your child whatever you like without any input from them.

I would be interested to know whether they asked you whether there were any names you had set your heart on and would prefer them not to use for their baby. Assuming they didn't, knock yourself out. Choose whatever name you like. It's none of their business and they don't get to veto your choice of name or bagsie any other names for their future children. They wouldn't have the right to do so even if they were currently expecting a baby, which they aren't.

I woukd use it. The name is only relevant to you because you are the one who is actually pregnant! They might never have another baby and may never have a baby of that sex. It would be daft not to use it and leave it free for their imaginary baby, when you love it.

If they do have the future imaginary baby they will likely not use the name if yours is already named it. They are likely just saying that they will to make you not use it. If they do end up copying it, it doesn’t really matter, and they will be seen as the one who has copied you!

I would choose a different name because it would bother me if they then went on to have a child with the same name. I don't think they should have bagsied the name though, but then even if they didn't, sounds like they'd have just named their child that name anyway.

Not actually sure why they're bagsying the name if they aren't bothered about sharing the name, perhaps they are bluffing.