Did you stick with a name that felt wrong?

[Zoey1988]

Baby is 8 months old. Have not been ok with his name since he was 10 days old. People suggested PPA but overtime I stopped using it and refer to him as anything but. However I find the idea of changing it completely anxiety provoking, and husband and I can’t agree on what to change to (he doesn’t like the name that I have in my heart for him).

Has anyone stuck it out with a name they had this much dissonance with?

What is it you don't like about the name?

@DuchessOfNarcissex - it’s too long, I don’t like the nicknames, it can be spelt and pronounced different ways, not common … I like short, snappy well known names.

What name is it, and why did you originally choose it?

Is there any possible nickname you could get comfortable with?

Course I wouldn’t stick to a name I didn’t like. But I wouldn’t have given them that name in the first place. I called my children names that I have liked since I was about 13 and I had kids in my late 30s.

Change it otherwise it’ll always bother you.

What's the name? Is it something that naturally shortens?
How long is too long?
Which names do you like?

I felt like you do and I changed it, I beat myself up about it for so long before making the decision and as soon as I did all my anxiety left me. The only regret I have is not doing it sooner. Before 12 months it’s an amendment to the birth certificate but following that it’s deed poll which I wouldn’t have done as with deed poll it’s more paperwork for them when they’re older.

if they are 10 months why not make the decision to try the name you love for the next month or so and if you feel better do the paperwork side then? For me it took doing the paperwork for things to change but this is just my experience. It’s a tough decision and you’re probably going to get posts here about post natal depression but sometimes you can just regret a decision you’ve made.

if you do change it and both agree it’s the right thing for your little one and you they’ll have their new name a lot longer than they had this one. I put the name we initially chose as a second name because it was tied to my daughter and I didn’t want to completely lose it, she just always felt like something else to me and my mum gut was right 🙂

Hope this helps x

@Cathy4601 sending you a PM!

So why didn't you give your child the 'name you have in your heart'?

We stuck with it and 13 years on I still don’t think it suits him 😂

@HungryWater - husband didn’t like it, in the end at the birth said I could go for it but 3 days PP I was overwhelmed with guilt and gave it up. Have been kicking myself since

I think lots of people pick names they don't 100% love because they need to compromise with their partner, which it sounds like you needed to do. If you change it to the one you love, your husband will feel the same as you do now which you don't want. If you had one you agreed you both liked, I'd say change it, but in this circumstance it doesn't seem like there's an alternate option. I think you'll grow to love it as your child gets older.

Maybe if you said the name, ones you like and ones your husband liked people here could help you suggest some more compromises? But I worry because you've got your heart set on a name your husband doesn't like nothing else will do.

I stuck with a name. It was between 3 and we suddenly realised when leaving the hospital that we needed to pick a name to tell our other child (realise now that this is stupid!). We went with my initial favourite but I worried it was too common and I started to really dislike it. I wanted to change it for a very long time but it must have been around 15 months I started to accept it, and now I like it. I don’t think he looks like his name, but I’m not sure what else would suit him!

My ds 2 is a compromise name, wasn’t even on our list. I wanted Rory
dh wanted Arthur and our son is called Robert.

Once the decision was made I moved on.

If you have a name lined up, and your DH is OK with it, then try it out for a set period. If you are happy and both in agreement, get the BC changed before the baby is 12 months old.
Check it goes with the surname and the initials don't sound silly.

If you don't have a name lined up, and changing it gives you anxiety, it might be a good idea to consider that it might be PND and speak to your GP or practice nurse.

Like other pp, I think we'd need to know the names, and we might be able to suggest alternatives.

I'm thinking the baby is Alistair and you wanted Jude, but I might be completely wrong.