Page 2 | Name - should I change her name?

Xmaslover2018 · 2025-09-06T23:12:01+00:00

My LO is 5.5mths old and since week 2 I've been having a feeling that her name is not right. but it has been growing in intensity rather than dampening like I'd hoped. the name is Ruby. my issue is with how people are saying it, it is very much like rooobb beeeee and a neighbour recently said she'd keep getting the name mixed up with our dog as it "sounds similar" ' dogs name is Benny. and now it's all i can think of. I am dealing with ppa/ppd also, but I think a lot of it is due to the name. I thought it was a lovely name but not anymore. I am thinking of changing it. is it too late? she has her birth certificate and has been christened. Am in Rep. Ireland. The names i think could be nicer are Maeve, Ava, Kate (although hubbies not a fan of these two), Caoimhe, Eve/Evie and Ellen. any help would be so appreciated 👏 xx

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Sunnyscribe · 07/09/2025 12:09

Honestly after my second was born I had really up and down feeling about her name for honestly about a year. It was a niggling feeling in the back of my mind and I'd get a bit bothered by other people's reactions to it. But it went away after about a year. I just thought I chose it for a reason and I feel a bit unsure about a lot of names anyway and I thought I could easily name her something else then feel the same!

And then obviously if you change their name your then dealing with other people's reactions to you changing it and then you open yourself up to comparing her old name with the new name.

I think as they grow and have more personality it's so easy to love the name more because you love them as a person.

Obviously it is your choice though.

BoleynMemories13 · 07/09/2025 14:19

Ruby is lovely. Your neighbour's comment is ridiculous, Ruby is nothing like Benny.

Norastroud · 07/09/2025 19:36

Ive had a similar experience, I had a course of talking therapy through the NHS which really helped me. I hope something similar is available to you? Please ask your Dr, if you haven’t already done so. It’s very common to have PPA & PPD - I fixated over our daughters name too & in the end we decided to swap her first and middle names around as I thought the middle name suited her better … either name is lovely but I did feel a lot better after we decided to make the change.
I do however absolutely love the name Ruby & think it’s gorgeous for all ages! Best of luck with your decision xx

mum1345 · 17/09/2025 22:10

Ruby is a beautiful name, I love it!

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Xmaslover2018 · 06/10/2025 02:18

Baby26 · 07/09/2025 08:07

If it matters to the parent that much, screw what everyone else feels. I'm not saying OP should, but thinking this thought nearly stopped me from changing my son's name. I was deeply unhappy with our choice and DS is nearly 4 now. I'm so glad we changed his name to what he is. I would have always had that regret. The regret is what made me have PND, not the other way round. PND immediately went away for me once we had made the change.

OP, for what it's worth, I think Ruby is a lovely name.

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Thank you so much for this. How did you know when you found the right new name for him? Did you change immediately or try out a name for a while first?
I really think the same will be true for me, that pp will improve once changed. What age was he when you changed? And how did your partner feel? Thanks so much xx

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Xmaslover2018 · 06/10/2025 02:23

Thank you all for your comments and advice. I am so sorry for not replying before now - i was so grateful for all the comments but also got overwhelmed to reply! And also, hard with a baba - even my texts go unanswered for days and weeks!

I absolutely think Ruby is a beautiful name, so I agree with you all thay have said this. However, it just doesn't feel like hers, for reasons mentioned, plus a few more. As much as I try, and with all the help with the ppa, it is still there so am exploring names with my partner as we both should love the new name, as I do not want whats happening to me to happen to him then. We are getting closer and down to 3 names! 2 of which on the list in my initial message, and 1 added one, which popped out of nowhere but cant seem to move on from! So maybe that's the one. Absolutely do not want to rush this decision though

Thank you for all the help.

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Xmaslover2018 · 07/10/2025 19:00

Xmaslover2018 · 06/10/2025 02:18

Thank you so much for this. How did you know when you found the right new name for him? Did you change immediately or try out a name for a while first?
I really think the same will be true for me, that pp will improve once changed. What age was he when you changed? And how did your partner feel? Thanks so much xx

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@Baby26 tagging as I didnt realise i could til now. Thanks!

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momtoboys · 07/10/2025 19:02

I do love the names Maeve and Caoimhe!

Baby26 · 07/10/2025 19:11

@Xmaslover2018 the name he is now is what I had wanted to call a son years before he came along (which is probably why I had so much regret at not using it). We started to call him the new name at around 6 months old, but didn't officially change it until he was nearly a year (as didn't want to do the paperwork until we were very very sure!). My partner was great and I always feel bad that I put him through it tbh! But I guess that's the thing, they don't go through the hormones like we do.. he didn't really get the fuss like I did, but he wanted me to be well again. I think the mother is generally the more emotionally invested in the name choice (at least, that's how it was to us). He was more, a name is just a name.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one but I know how hard it is when you are going through it!

StewkeyBlue · 07/10/2025 19:18

Ruby is a lovely name!

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Xmaslover2018 · 07/10/2025 19:23

Baby26 · 07/10/2025 19:11

@Xmaslover2018 the name he is now is what I had wanted to call a son years before he came along (which is probably why I had so much regret at not using it). We started to call him the new name at around 6 months old, but didn't officially change it until he was nearly a year (as didn't want to do the paperwork until we were very very sure!). My partner was great and I always feel bad that I put him through it tbh! But I guess that's the thing, they don't go through the hormones like we do.. he didn't really get the fuss like I did, but he wanted me to be well again. I think the mother is generally the more emotionally invested in the name choice (at least, that's how it was to us). He was more, a name is just a name.
Whatever decision you make will be the right one but I know how hard it is when you are going through it!

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@Baby26 thank you so so much. This makes me feel a bit better, agree totally on hormones and how it affects the mom more! Did you keep the old name as a middle name when you changed? We have received a lot of lovely personalised gifts and I feel it would be a shame not to include the name as a middle now going forward.
Was it just within your own home you changed the name at 6 months or did you let family and friends know at that point too? Sorry for all the questions, it's just i haven't seen anyone else write about this! Thanks x

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Baby26 · 07/10/2025 22:24

@Xmaslover2018 we didn't keep the name at all. It wasn't really possible as he already had 2 middle names! We couldn't remove any as they were family names that were important to us. It's a good idea if you do have the option though! We did announce the new name at 6 months to everyone. I suppose it would have been weird to explain had we chosen to switch back again, but thankfully we didn't!

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Xmaslover2018 · 07/10/2025 23:58

@Baby26 thank you so so much for all your info! That's lovely to have two middle names! I might hold on to hers and the old name so!
Did you receive any negativity around thr change of name? And if so, how did you manage? Sorry that is the last of the questions now!

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Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 22:35

Baby26 · 07/10/2025 22:24

@Xmaslover2018 we didn't keep the name at all. It wasn't really possible as he already had 2 middle names! We couldn't remove any as they were family names that were important to us. It's a good idea if you do have the option though! We did announce the new name at 6 months to everyone. I suppose it would have been weird to explain had we chosen to switch back again, but thankfully we didn't!

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Thanks for your openness and honesty @Baby26! Did you receive any comments that the old name was better/you shouldn't have changed it etc? How old is your baby now? Will you/have you told them about the original name?

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Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:06

Sunnyscribe · 07/09/2025 12:09

Honestly after my second was born I had really up and down feeling about her name for honestly about a year. It was a niggling feeling in the back of my mind and I'd get a bit bothered by other people's reactions to it. But it went away after about a year. I just thought I chose it for a reason and I feel a bit unsure about a lot of names anyway and I thought I could easily name her something else then feel the same!

And then obviously if you change their name your then dealing with other people's reactions to you changing it and then you open yourself up to comparing her old name with the new name.

I think as they grow and have more personality it's so easy to love the name more because you love them as a person.

Obviously it is your choice though.

@sunnyscribe I am glad it resolved for you! Was there anything in particular that made it click?

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Original poster

Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:10

Norastroud · 07/09/2025 19:36

Ive had a similar experience, I had a course of talking therapy through the NHS which really helped me. I hope something similar is available to you? Please ask your Dr, if you haven’t already done so. It’s very common to have PPA & PPD - I fixated over our daughters name too & in the end we decided to swap her first and middle names around as I thought the middle name suited her better … either name is lovely but I did feel a lot better after we decided to make the change.
I do however absolutely love the name Ruby & think it’s gorgeous for all ages! Best of luck with your decision xx

@norastroud thank you for your message. I am getting therapy, but not regularly. May I ask how long before you decided to swap the name and how did you come to process that? Did you have any regrets after the change? Did anyone make comments about the change? Thank you.

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Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:11

BoleynMemories13 · 07/09/2025 14:19

Ruby is lovely. Your neighbour's comment is ridiculous, Ruby is nothing like Benny.

@BoleynMemories13 I assume the ee sound and the B??

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Handeyethingyowl · 12/10/2025 23:15

It is not too late to change it but Ruby is a beautiful name. I had name regret, which I see now was PND, and I am so glad I didn’t change the name as I can’t imagine my DC being called anything else now. My vote is to stick with Ruby.

redonion2 · 12/10/2025 23:23

@Xmaslover2018 I hope you have decided to change the name, it will help you massively.

I think Evie sounds similar to Ruby and much nicer.
However you need to change it for YOU and YOUR baby regardless of others opinions.

When did you decide on Ruby! Was it before she was born/ was it to just have a name as you couldn’t think of any?
I think this will give you the reasons you need to keep or change the name.

Also at her young age you are better changing it now as she is still very new to family/ friends so they will adjust and so will baby and all of you.

It will be a story to tell and I would keep Ruby as a middle name - even if this means 2 or 3 middle names as she will then have the link to first memories/ personalised items and it’s also a story to tell her when she’s older.

Or there are similar names to Ruby;
Raynee
Ranee
Raya
Rylie
Ronnie
Remi
Romy

Or you could even hyphenate it

Maeve-Ruby
Eve-Ruby
Ellen-Ruby etc.

I definitely think change it though.

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Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:25

DeliciouslyBaked · 07/09/2025 01:27

Its very common for ppd / ppa to cause fixations on a baby's name. Are you having any treatment for how you are feeling? I've been there and its rough so im sorry you are feeling that way. If you are getting treatment, then it might be worth waiting a little bit to see whether you still feel the same once you are feeling more like yourself again? Is there a time limit in RoI on changing a baby's name?

@DeliciouslyBaked thank you for your messa deliciouslybaked and sorry you had ppd..I have been treated and doing sporadic therapy since week 2 pp. In some ways the anxiety has lifted, but the name issue has not. No time limit on changing the name, but of course don't want it leave it longer than when she will start knowing/recognising her name which i think starts around 9 months. It wouldn't bother me if others have the same name, actually it would make me feel comfort that it is a nice enough name that others also like.

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Crispynoodle · 12/10/2025 23:27

I love Ruby and also live on the Emerald Isle although do have a soft spot for Ellen too

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Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:32

FunnyOrca · 07/09/2025 07:59

My neice is a Ruby. I think it’s lovely and really suits her.

I am sorry about your experience with ppa/ppd. If you are able to wait on the name change, could you do it once you feel a bit more yourself and see how you really feel? I don’t know how it works in RoI.

But with regards to it sound like Benny, does it? To me it does not at all! They are both very obvious to pronounce and distinct names.

@funnyorca thank you. Does your niece like her name, how old is she, what nicknames does she have?
I understand it being thr cadence with the names - bennnn-eeee and roooo-beeee. Bouncy, the ee makes it sound similar

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Original poster

Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:44

redonion2 · 12/10/2025 23:23

@Xmaslover2018 I hope you have decided to change the name, it will help you massively.

I think Evie sounds similar to Ruby and much nicer.
However you need to change it for YOU and YOUR baby regardless of others opinions.

When did you decide on Ruby! Was it before she was born/ was it to just have a name as you couldn’t think of any?
I think this will give you the reasons you need to keep or change the name.

Also at her young age you are better changing it now as she is still very new to family/ friends so they will adjust and so will baby and all of you.

It will be a story to tell and I would keep Ruby as a middle name - even if this means 2 or 3 middle names as she will then have the link to first memories/ personalised items and it’s also a story to tell her when she’s older.

Or there are similar names to Ruby;
Raynee
Ranee
Raya
Rylie
Ronnie
Remi
Romy

Or you could even hyphenate it

Maeve-Ruby
Eve-Ruby
Ellen-Ruby etc.

I definitely think change it though.

@redonion2 thank you. Yes, I decided to change the name, but having cold feet now worrying about if the chosen name is nicer than current name, about what people will say, about hurting feelings of those who bought personalised gifts, and so on.

Regarding the name choice, i did not find out the gender. We had a boys name which we both liked, but for a girls name most names I brought up during pregnancy were vetoed. I don't think we took the appropriate way to choose a name. I used to just throw them out to get a feel and usually told no except for two, he didn't really suggest options. I guess right up to the day she was born, other names came up and I still couldn't settle. People said I'd know when the baby was born what they would be. But I didn't have that. In fact, I was like omg she is too pretty and don't have a pretty enough name. I felt dh preferred Ruby and so I looked up the meaning and something about luck in love, wealth and health is associated with the name. I suffered ill health and thought ok, that's as good a reason to go with it. Family were saying I needed to choose the name asap so i felt i had to choose from the two we had. The weird thing is the name Caoimhe came up the dsy before and morning of and I thought I wonder is this a sign it will be a girl? DH said we couldn't choose it cos it came up so randomly and out of the blue and the other two had come up over the months. He also did not want an Irish name due to international difficulty with spelling and pronunciation. So I discounted it, but I feel now in hindsight was it a sign that it should have been her name. But also now that I feel this, am getting cold feet as people really seem to like the name Ruby and say it suits her.
I asked DH to help me out by doing a list of names he likes and maybe we could find a middle ground of one we both love as I don't want what is happening to me to happen to him should he go along with my preference.

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Sunnyscribe · 13/10/2025 16:40

Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:06

@sunnyscribe I am glad it resolved for you! Was there anything in particular that made it click?

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It was that she became a proper person. The name feels funny when all they do is feed, sleep and look around but the more she developed the more meaning it gave to her name and the more attached I felt to it.

redonion2 · 13/10/2025 23:18

Xmaslover2018 · 12/10/2025 23:44

@redonion2 thank you. Yes, I decided to change the name, but having cold feet now worrying about if the chosen name is nicer than current name, about what people will say, about hurting feelings of those who bought personalised gifts, and so on.

Regarding the name choice, i did not find out the gender. We had a boys name which we both liked, but for a girls name most names I brought up during pregnancy were vetoed. I don't think we took the appropriate way to choose a name. I used to just throw them out to get a feel and usually told no except for two, he didn't really suggest options. I guess right up to the day she was born, other names came up and I still couldn't settle. People said I'd know when the baby was born what they would be. But I didn't have that. In fact, I was like omg she is too pretty and don't have a pretty enough name. I felt dh preferred Ruby and so I looked up the meaning and something about luck in love, wealth and health is associated with the name. I suffered ill health and thought ok, that's as good a reason to go with it. Family were saying I needed to choose the name asap so i felt i had to choose from the two we had. The weird thing is the name Caoimhe came up the dsy before and morning of and I thought I wonder is this a sign it will be a girl? DH said we couldn't choose it cos it came up so randomly and out of the blue and the other two had come up over the months. He also did not want an Irish name due to international difficulty with spelling and pronunciation. So I discounted it, but I feel now in hindsight was it a sign that it should have been her name. But also now that I feel this, am getting cold feet as people really seem to like the name Ruby and say it suits her.
I asked DH to help me out by doing a list of names he likes and maybe we could find a middle ground of one we both love as I don't want what is happening to me to happen to him should he go along with my preference.

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That makes perfect sense to how you feel then!
It sounds like 1. there was an element of pressure and 2. you didn’t have months to think about her name knowing she was a girl!

So now there is no pressure to decide on the name you prefer (other than the pressure you put on yourself) and you have now had time to think about it.

Tell those that matter to you the impact this has had on you and it’s not a decision made lightly- if you want to tell them?
if you don’t want to share your personal information then don’t regardless of who it is and what they brought that was personalised.

What does your new name mean?

You can easily tell dd when she’s older how you thought she was just to pretty for the name Ruby and you chose new name because it was even more special like she is.

Glad you changed it, well done for having the strength to do it ❤️