Baby name regret

[Kikitribiki]

I don't know what to do but my child is 2.5years old. I've chosen a short form of a name because I didn't like the most common long form. Her middle name is a bit out there and something I thought went well with the first name. I wish I'd have chosen a more substantial name. I do still love the name they have but just feel strange about it all. Is there anything I can do?

I feel like this is "a thing" - I had the horrors about my baby's name and thought I had chosen wrong. But I also had intrusive thoughts and OCD and, for me, I think it was related to that and not to the actual name.

But you absolutely can change it. I just wonder if you might still feel it's wrong or that you were wrong to change it?

You can’t change their name at 2.5 years old. They know their name and will be completely confused if everyone at nursery etc. starts referring to them by a totally different name. Unless you mean changing the birth certificate to the long version of the nickname she already uses e.g. she’s known Lottie and no plans to change that but you’d like to change the BC to Elizabeth to give her more options as she gets older- that would be ok I think but otherwise it isn’t fair. Also name regret often goes along with depression/anxiety so worth considering if you have any other symptoms.

What is the name? Maybe go for a different longer version?

What do you mean, 'a more substantial name?' Is the middle name 'io' or something (like one of Jupiter's moons?!)

You cant change a 2.5 year olds name, anyone suggesting you can is ridiculous.

@Kikitribiki , some other parents get this regret too. You love the name, and it's her name now. It doesn't need to be substantial, she's an individual and her cohort will have names like Freddie and Elsie, not Frederick and Elizabeth.

@Bitzee , I think you meant Charlotte not Elizabeth.

A child's name is very important to them in terms of their identity. Most children absolutely love their own name at 2 1/2 as it's what makes them who they are (people hating their own name usually comes in much later, when they're older and actually understand the concept of how naming works, and realise that they could actually be called something different).

With all due respect, your opinion doesn't matter any more now your child is 2 1/2. You are committed to the name you gave them, and changing it would be so confusing for them.

Loads of kids have nicknames as given names these days - in my sons nursery class about three quarters of the kids have them (I notice because DS is one of the very few with a “longer form”/substantial name, as they are more my own personal taste).

Your DC will likely fit right in at school with her nickname style name, which should make her happy if she is a shyer or more introverted child. Or if she’s an extrovert then once she’s older she can always choose to go by her more unusual middle name instead. Imo it’s not worth changing her name now at 2.5.

This. People are nuts for suggesting this! Poor kid will be so so confused!

I think it would be fine to change the name on the birth certificate to the long version. As long as you keep calling dc the short name. My gd is only 15 months old and is called my a shortened form of her real name. Dd had 2 friend's at school called Mikey and Benji. These were also the names on their birth certificates. Obviously they are not my dc but if they were their names would have been Michael and Benjamin on official documents.

Only on mumsnet do people think it’s okay 🙄 In real life people would think you’re nuts

I don't think you can change the name she is known by.

But if say you registered her as Lottie but now wish it was Charlotte, you could change it officially so she has future choice.

Maybe against the grain here. Is there another long version you could change it to? But keep calling them the nickname? I feel like this gives them more choice when older.

You still love the name so I’d just focus on that. Hardly anyone will say the full name anyway so the middle name isnt really relevant. You could add a name to the middle name so instead of Millie Star Smith (for example) it’s Millie Georgina Star Smith (or whatever with a more formal name as the addition).

I also think that names are much more fluid and flexible these days. DS never talks about anyone being teased for a name and has accepted without question all sorts of names that never would have existed back in my day. gone are the days of “you can’t call her Daisy! What if she becomes a judge?!” Etc. And so much the better imo.

I think it would be fine to change the name on the birth certificate to the long version.
She would need to declare the name change on any official form that asks if the name is different to the name on the birth certificate.

She might not appreciate the name change when she's old enough to understand.

This. It’s your child’s name now, not yours. If they independently decided they don’t like it at some point, they can choose a nickname or change by deed poll.

Imagine your own mother decided she didn’t like your name and changed it to something else - how would that make you feel about yourself and your mother. It’s like telling your child they not good enough for you now, so you need to improve them.

Meaning this in the kindest way, the name is something YOU have a problem with, so you need to sort whatever’s going on in your head. Not make your child change part of their identity. You’d probably still be explaining it in years to come to distant relatives etc and quickly get fed up of justifying it to others, then wish you hadn’t bothered 🤷🏼‍♀️

You actually can. Whether it’s the right thing to do is another matter.

You can’t change the name on the birth certificate, once she’s over one (which she is). If you and your DH both agree, then you could change her name by deed poll, but you gave her the name because you like it, and in fact, it seems you still like it. She knows who she is. Just leave it!

Many years ago a friend had a daughter whose name was mispronounced by many to sound like a kitchen appliance. This annoyed the Mum who decided to create a new name for her daughter aged 2. She created a made up blended name of the first and middle names swapped around. Personally I preferred the original names but the child is now 20 and seems content with her unique name. Not sure what she has for a middle name after the change.

At 2 and half maybe your daughter could have a say in whether she wants to be known by her longer name. No different to children choosing to go by a shorter name as they get older. If she's happy changing it just do it. People will get used to it. You don't have to officially change it. Wondering if she just doesn't suit her chosen name. Had that with my 2nd son so we changed it. He was still a baby though.

My DS is a year younger and knows his own name, he answers to it etc

I know it would be very confusing to him to change his name at this point. And simply wouldn't do it, it isn't fair.

You can always give your child a nickname as they get older. My family call me different permutations of my name, longer and shorter. Which I'm fine with.

On the same boat! He is 2.5 yo he knows his names and responds to and his siblings call like with his name so too late and a bit messed up to change it!

You can’t change the birth certificate at 2.5 years. If a name change will affect her at 2.5 years is debatable, you can’t state it as fact to a potentially struggling mother.