In-laws using Nickname I hate

[Abba21]

I recently had a baby and picked her name. It’s short and sweet. Now my in laws have started calling her by a nickname that’s longer than her name and I can’t stand it. Is it weird to decide to call a baby by a nickname when it’s not your baby? I think it’s crazy and it’s driving me mad. Terms of endearment are lovely and of course always welcome. Like my mil calls her little hen. So cute, but I can’t stand the nickname his family is using and he’s even started using it too :/

This is sort of how it goes op,

You start off feeling ( naturally) very precious and totally in control of every aspect of their lives and progressively you have to become used to arriving at a school concert and seeing them on stage dressed in the colour you’ve always thought drains their complexion, or picking nutrition-less white bread at school lunch, or watching movies at friend’s houses that you wouldn’t have chosen for them. In all of this you do have to pick your battles or become “ that mum” ( and there always is one…!)

I know this is all much harder when she is still little, but she has her own path through this life and it’s best to get used to stomaching nicknames you wouldn’t have chosen before you need to tackle your reaction when she brings home the husband that makes your hair stand on end!

Ask them to stop.
'Please don't call her that, her name is Wren.'

It’s normal. You can’t control people using nicknames. When dd is older she can refuse to answer.

Wren is a lovely name! I’d hear ‘Rennie’ like the medicine too but I think in time it’ll fade. I wouldn’t mention it.

It’s going to happen op - as others have said, best to just go with it. My daughter was given a nn I hate by her nursery key workers and now I bloody use it. She has a brilliant relationship with her key workers and she loves nursery. She has a whole little happy life there and I guess I’m just being respectful of that (even though it’s very much nails on a blackboard to me!)

My mum calls my DC something I don't like. I just let it go, in the scheme of things it's really not important

I think you should tell your DH next time he uses it that when he calls her Wrennie you think of heartburn, but I don't think you can ask his family to stop, it is coming from a place of love.

It's a lovely name, but I think I'd probably call her Baby Bird if she was mine, on the grounds that I spent ages picking my DDs name but got into the habit of calling her Baby Bear when she was tiny, nothing to do with her name at all!

My son also has a one syllable name and gets called a two syllable nickname that wasn’t my choice! Now he is older he has almost outgrown it and tells people that his name is the one syllable version.

Have they actually spelled it that way though? Because I would assume they were calling her Wrennie if her name is Wren. Either way it sounds sweet and affectionate to me, like “our little Wren”.

You could tell them you don’t like it but I think it would be a shame. She will love that her grandparents have an endearment for her. Plus she’s going to get all sorts of nicknames from friends and partners in her life and you’re not going to be able to control it.

It's them being nice and loving!
Mine was/is variously called Booboo, Pickles, Chickabiddy, Josieposie etc etc. Love them all!

Nicknames are hard. My inlaws (particularly FIL) call DS a nickname I don't like. It really grates, but I let it go because it's not really a big issue.

On the other hand, my DH's native language/country (Arabic/Egypt) has some weird nicknaming conventions and I vetoed the name Mustafa for DS because the Egyptian nickname is "Darsh" which I really don't like!

I see I’m in the minority here but I do agree with you OP. General terms of endearment are absolutely fine but when it’s a variation of the given name I do think people should follow the parents lead and not take it upon themselves to use something else.

When you’ve chosen a specific name for your child I can see it feeling off when grandparents decide to use something else. Especially if your baby is still quite new and the name isn’t one you particularly like.

But it’s not like they are calling her Margery..,

My son’s grandparents on his dad’s side always call him Little Man and it pisses me off. He’s 5 now and it still makes me rage.
he’s not a little man he’s a little boy!

If they message and call him that I put his real name in the reply.

Lots of personalised clothes. Ask mil if she is having difficulty with her eyes that she isn't reading the clothes correctly.. My ils decided they hated ds's name and would be using the initials off his names.. I told mil no law says she had to see him if she hated his name.. She used his name... Disrespectful to choose their own version of the name you chose for your own dc.. Her ds needs to speak to her...

My ex-IL's did this with my dc2, really annoyed me. Ds2 grew up and told me and everyone else that he prefers to be called by his actual name and not the nickname that they used to call him. Ha!

I didn’t say it was.

But OP chose Wren presumably because that’s what she wanted her baby to be called and it’s not what they’re using. I understand why she doesn’t like that.

Once a child gets to an age where they can express their own preferences, they can answer to abbreviations or nicknames. In the meantime, it's up to the parents. While it's not a 'big' thing, it's an irritant and ideally as in-laws, they'd prefer not to do something all the time which grates on the mum. But they'll only know this if you ask them to stop. In their heads they are seeing 'Wreny' when they say her name but everyone else is pucturing 'Rennie'. It might be as simple as just pointing that out.

My parents used nickname I didn't like for my daughter and it was as simple as saying "ohhh don't call her that I don't like it" with a lighthearted tone and a smile and they stopped.

Just say it! I'm sure they'll get the message x

Yes I can I understand.

But it’s not such a departure as to be outside the normal range of affectionate tweaks. I think as parents we do need to accept our children will form countless ties to other people that won’t always follow our script.

It’s a question of when you step in and when you step back.

My exMIL did this - and we were living with her at the time, so I was worried it would stick.

I just never used it, and if she used it when talking to him, I'd say something to him using his name soon after.

It didn't stick.

My son has a name that has 2 different nicknames. We use one, and he doesn't like the other. My MIL still calls him the one he doesn't like, and every time she does he says "why are you calling me that? I'm (nickname)" he's 4 and I love that he stands up for himself haha.

I imagine they’re thinking Wrennie/Wrenny and not Rennie like the medication.

thyre probably thinking Wrennie, not Rennie. Also, they might not like Wren. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and Wrennie makes it more palatable for them.

You can’t control nicknames, and Wrennie from Wren is a pretty obvious choice, I think you’re going to be giving yourself a lot of headaches if you get this upset every time someone calls your child a perfectly normal nickname!

Did you really not think that might become something people get to from Wren?

When she’s older she could decide she wants to be known by something completely different, you’ve no say in it really.