Baby name regret - any positive stories?

[Belen82]

I have just been through a tumultuous name choosing process with my husband - stressful and emotionally charged. We had a beautiful, in my mind perfect boy name lined up before pregnancy that matched with my eldest sons name.

i had a wobble early pregnancy thinking the name was too common (top 5) and convinced my husband to consider the middle name as the first. He was convinced, but overtime when I thought about it practically the middle name wasn’t a good fit (uncommon though not unusual, long - three syllables, inevitable nicknames, can be perceived as foreign). I like short punchy names and don’t like nicknames.

However husband would not switch back - decided how that we had thought about it, he doesn’t actually like original first name.

Lots of fighting, tears and stress and we ended up going with the name that was orginally middle name. I loved it for about 10 days, felt good about it, compliments came pouring in. And then almost overnight, I feel sick with regret about it. I find it awkward using such a long name when my son is a 1 syllable name. I don’t like hearing people say it, I cringe a bit when I say it. And I can’t shake the overwhelming feeling we’ve done the wrong thing for our child - giving an unusual, fiddly name rather than a common, short snappy name.

Has anyone felt this level of regret and then gone on to love DC name? Did anyone start with the name feeling wrong but now wouldn’t have it any other way? It’s consuming me…

Raphael is a lovely name, one of my DD’s friends at nursery is a Raphael and he’s an adorable little boy (I’m sure yours is the same!). He is often shortened to Raffi (cute) or Rafa (cool) and my DD (2) also calls him Raphael so I wouldn’t say it was a fiddly name!

Thanks everyone, this is so reassuring. Perhaps I need to get comfortable saying it out loud more … with Max the name was decided two years before he was even born! Not having a name until 2 days after birth means it all feels new.

Also Raphael seems to be a bit more common in UK right now than Australia … but Australia typically lags behind with trends so hopefully it will pop up a bit more and not be so infamiliar…

@whathaveiforgotten - I can’t unsee that video - definitely helped with killing the obsession with that pairing ! 😂

Raphael is a beautiful name. Fine choice.

I too loved and wanted Leo but everyone with kids told me it was ‘boooooring’. Every other kid is called Leo they said. I still love Leo but accept it’s the modern equivalent of Dave.

My kid has a fiddly name too which sounded daft on a baby so we nicknamed him until he grew into it. Adore it now.

Something I’m anxious about it whether it’s difficult / not intuitive to pronounce - keen to hear people’s thoughts on this too…

It's completely fine to pronounce. Honestly. I'm a supply teacher, I can read one hundred names from a register in a week and I would not blink an eye at a Raphael.

If anything, I think Raphael/Raph/Raff goes better with Max rather than worse. They have that dramatic consonant sound.

If it's any consolation, I had the same issue with child 2. we had two names picked out and then at the eleventh hour I got cold feet about the first name being a bit much, so I switched them around. The first name went on to become very popular (top ten within 5 years or so) but is still an enduring classic and not a name I could ever hate. Whereas the original name I had picked took on legs and become very popular around 10 years later among.....let's just say a demographic of parent I do not identify with, and I am now embarrassed that I was ever an early adopter of that name and THANK GOD it's only my child's middle name. <shudder>

Obviously that won't happen with Leo, but your gut feeling felt right at the time for a reason, so just let it settle and get used to it. Honestly, Raphael is a beautiful name.

A positive story -

I have a girl friend whose middle name is Grae - her Mom was so tired she meant to write Grace and didn't notice until months later that she had in fact missed a letter on the birth certificate. She was at first horrified and wanted to change it, Dad loved the story and the name actually. They ended up keeping it and she LOVES her name, actually she just had a little girl and her name is, intentionally, Grae.

Not hard to pronounce but I do know someone who pronounces it ray-fee-el rather than raf-ai-el. I think panicking about name choice is normal. Hopefully you fall back in love with the name again

For those who know a little (or big!) Raphael, in the assumption that they have mixed heritage / foreign? Or is it increasingly being seen as a mainstream name appropriate for a British boy in UK?

I much prefer Raphael to Leo. I think it goes really well with Max. Hopefully you will grow to love it again, I know you don’t like nicknames but maybe you could consider one if you still dislike the name, Raph is cute.

This

Raphael is FABULOUS 👏

OP I know a Raphael nn Rafe in NZ and his parents are very much born and bred NZ. And he is the most gorgeous little dude.

I have a Raphael. I know exactly what you mean about cringing saying it when he was a baby. I did used to feel a bit awkward. Although I absolutely love the name and have always had lots of compliments.
My Raphael is 10 and also goes by Raph/Raphy/Raffa. I love the shortened versions too.

I never regretted the name but did used to think when introducing him as a baby, is it totally ridiculous! Or are people going to think it’s ridiculous. Think that’s partly hormones though.
I did worry about it going with my other DC names too. I think it goes great with Max.

@wrappedupwarm sent you a PM :)

OP, regardless of what anyone else says it is yours and you DH decision.

I love both names, but… is it keeping you up at night?

Speak to your DH, share how you feel and if he is happy to change it to Leo if you think you’d prefer it. Your baby is still young, it’s not a big deal to make the switch at this age if your DH agrees, definitely not worth your MH or the stress this is causing you.

Raphael is a brilliant name and Raph a great short name. I really like the female version too which is used in France. I know two really cool adult Raphs! Of course I’m not biased in any way 😁

As an aside my mother went with a short version of a name for me on the grounds she didn’t know whether I would be intelligent enough to spell anything else (she was a teacher) I hated the name, would have loved the longer version. In the end I changed my name completely. In the end whatever you choose they will decide whether they like it or not x

I bet your son will be delighted that he has such a lovely and unique name and won’t be just another Leo amongst all his classmates. If you change it now to Leo I can imagine him growing up wishing his parents had used his middle name instead, speaking from experience here, my name is ‘common’ so to be differentiated from all the other girls of the same name I always was referred to with a descriptor before my name, Big Louise! Even though I’m not big just tall. Stick with Raphael he will be eternally grateful!

Thanks ladies, for the encouragement and support.

I am just so concerned / anxious about him being bullied for his name because it’s unusual, or ninja turtle references, or for the angel association. Hence often wishing I’d gone for a plain Jane , ‘safer’ name. It’s keeping me up at night.

Does Raphael strike you as a name that could potentially be picked on?

Every name is "unusual" to a child because at some stage they are going to meet their first Tom, Joseph and James.

I LOVE Raphael. I have slight name regret not using it, although I love my son’s name too. I don’t think it is the sort of name that would be bullied at all, and it’s not that unusual now days. I don’t think kids really pick on each other for names anyway. It has cool nicknames too Raf/ Rafa. Please stop worrying you’ve given him a great name!

Kids don’t have a concept of ‘unusual names’, in my experience.

It’s keeping you up at night… change it!!!!

Hey OP,

I have a Max and I like Raphaël. It was on my list (Raphaël for a boy, Raphaëlle for a girl). My partner vetoed the girl version but I do still like it !

I wouldn't worry about the ninja turtles. This is a very old reference and even if the franchise goes on spawning further movies, it won't have the impact of a new trend. Plus the kids would probably think it super cool, if anything. I sometimes regret not naming my ds Marcus, as his name is so incredibly common around here (we moved when he was 3 months old). I think he'd have LOVED to have a paw patrol name.

And for what it's worth I much prefer Raphaël to Leo.

Is there any other name you like better than Raphaël that you can both agree on ? You could revisit it with your DH, just to rest easy that you can't find a better name. But I think Raphaël is a fine name.

OP my 18 month old has a name that was supposed to be her middle name. It was given middle name slot because it’s long and frilly and unusual and everything I wouldn’t have wanted for a first name but the plainer, more mainstream first name we chose didn’t suit her as much and she just looked like she could pull it off even at a few days old.

I won’t say her name as there aren’t many about but there are some similarities with Raphael (which is beautiful by the way) and I remind myself regularly that her name is a real name, it’s literally ancient with a fair amount of history and meaning to it, it’s easy-ish to spell and most people can pronounce it first try. They’re all huge ticks to me! You list the religious and cultural references as negatives but I like to think it’s a positive that a name has some history and familiarity and it’s genuinely really cool that people have been called Raphael since biblical times. It would be worse if you’d made one up or nobody had heard of it.

Like you are now, I also get so many compliments on her name even from the most unlikely sources, my MIL window cleaner for example, in fact it’s very rare someone asks her name and doesn’t compliment it. So I know it’s beautiful. I just sometimes wonder if she’d prefer a practical name over a beautiful one when she’s older.

I really resonate with wishing we’d gone for a more plain Jane name but, and I know it’s early days, she doesn’t strike me as a plain Jane and it’s absolutely her name now. So the way I feel shouldn’t even really matter.

Sorry for the long garbled post but I guess my point is that I understand your concerns and they may never go entirely as it sounds like you’ve gone outside your naming comfort zone with Raphael but there are huge amounts of positives you can focus on! And I really don’t think he’s going to get bullied. Just start trying to feel confident in your choice.