Do names grow on you?

[OptimisticRealist2024]

DH and I struggling with names for a boy. We have a first and middle name as a backup, but we're not 100% and our criteria is veeeeeeeery particular. (Works bilingually without change of spelling, isn't an old man name, isn't one of the four names currently in rotation in our family.) As it happens, the name in question is the most common in our county for 2023 🤦🏼‍♀️

It's a bit like we're going with X because we can't think of anything else. We've gone through lists and lists of names and we hate them all. Genuinely.

(We weren't bothered if it's a boy or a girl and baby wasn't letting on at our 20-week scan so we're none the wiser...but now starting to hope we don't have to name a boy. 🙃)

Has anyone named their child X because nothing else came to mind but not regretted it? Can names grow on you?

Do you honestly hate every single name? Is there no one who you know and like and you don’t hate their name? You’ve overwhelmed yourselves I think and I’ve done that before. I think you’ve burnt yourselves out. I think you’ve probably totally sickened yourselves looking at names and you just ‘hate them all’ now. Take a break from it for as long as you can. Forget all about it and give yourself a rest from it. It’s a bit like shopping too long and hating everything you see etc you just annoy yourself after a while! Or searching and searching for a holiday destination until you just don’t want to go anywhere because you’ve overwhelmed yourself. In my opinion it’ll come to you. And then it’ll feel weird calling him the name at first.you might even be holding him and still deciding. And then everyone one else will use it and it’ll suddenly just be his name! ❤️

What are your girls names? Gives an idea of your "style"

We really just don't like the names! We dip in and out but nothing feels right.

We were set on X before we found out that it's really popular tbh - but we just don't like anything else. We don't want anything really rare, and we want something both sets of families can spell and pronounce. We also want something both sets of families can spell and pronounce. 😵‍💫

I wondered if it's a bit like someone telling you that a carrot is called a carrot? You just accept it's called a carrot and carry on with your day. (I know I sound mad saying it!)

I would personally rather use a popular name I liked over an unusual name i didn't like.

we had similar to you we wanted a name that had the same spelling and pronunciation in two countries and ended up with a name that was top 10 in both.

Nothing wrong with a name being popular, generally there’s a reason why it’s popular. You like it and chose it so go with it

Why does it matter that the name you like is very popular? I never understand that. If you like it then use it.

My DD2 had two others with the same name as her in her class at primary school. All three families lived on the same residential street too. It didn't matter one jot.

Hard to take in that you seem to dislike all boys' names.

The pool of names that work in both languages isn't very big, and we've got one that does work in both but we're not 100% on it. We could choose something that works in one language but not the other, but we really want baby to have something that reflects both sides of their heritage. 😕 We've been through the top 150 and there's nothing we like that fits the bill.

It doesn't matter that the reason we're not 100% is because it's popular. I don't care if people think I'm weird because I feel that way. What I'm asking is if it really matters 5 years in. Do names grow on parents?

i was unsure of the name we picked for my daughter. I would say for the first 9ish months I called her by a nickname that had no relation to her name whatsoever. But once she started responding to her name she seemed to grow into it and I love it now. I had regular conversations with my husband about changing her name for the first year, but still couldn’t think of another name I liked.

I don't really know anyone who has picked a name that don't like to ask if grew on them but the closest I can think is my friends that adopted didn't get any choice in name and they certainly seem to get used to /like the names.

Could you try to stop worrying about the name you like being popular around you and instead celebrate your own taste and desires? I write as an older person who grew up when the pool of names (especially for boys) seemed to be much narrower/more conservative but nobody worried about being the nth John or Jim or Peter or Steve or Michael or Paul or Geoffrey or Colin or Graham or David or Robert or Tim or Chris in their year at school. Parents weren't angsting and rushing out to call the child Milo or Zeus or Lucifer or Augustus or something.
Come to think of it, those were good names backs in the Pleistocene era!

I know exactly how you feel. We had very similar criterias, and never had a name that we both loved. In the end we went with a name that I had actually kind of disliked in the past, but it grew on me during the process. My dh really preferred it at the end so we went with it and our baby is 7 months now and I think I like it enough to not be bothered by it. You learn to love the name your child has. I love his middle name but it doesnt work as a first, so I've come to the conclusion that it is what it is, this is not just me naming my child but there's my dh too and his culture.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! We have a similar first/middle name issue too so I'm conceding that - DH's suggestion does flow better. I think I could learn to love it and hope to get used to it, so maybe it won't bother me in 7 months!

I definitely think names grow on you - you associate the name with your favourite little person and it stops having any of the old associations you might have previously had. As you say, it’s just a collection of sounds and they grow to have a special meaning when linked to your own child (or anyone who’s important to you)

Ok I see your point but have you considered that you're going to be back at square one at some point unless you only have this one baby? Tying yourself up in knots like this.

I would loosen your criteria and go for a name you love, even if it only works in "one" culture.

Can you tell us what the languages and names are? Someone might have an out of pocket suggestion!

To semi answer your question, my mum gave in and let my dad name my brother. She didn't like the name and eventually he started being known by his middle name, which she liked a bit more apparently. So I would say based on her experience: no.

I think names can grow on you. My DH and I had very different taste in girls names and didn't like ANY that the other chose initially. But there was a girl's name on his list that grew on me and it's what we named our daughter in the end. I couldn't imagine her being called anything else now.
It's also very common, but for a reason because it is beautiful!

Yes they do. I didn't love DC name (sounds weird that I called my child something I didn't love) but I liked it and it worked with our criteria including needing to work bilingually. I'm perfectly happy with it as his name. And it suits him perfectly.

You don’t sound mad saying it! It IS kinda like that carrot analogy! If it’s any consolation when I found out I was pregnant I had no clue or preference as to what I was having but I a fell in love with a boys name. I couldn’t settle on a girls name at all. And it was a boy. Maybe it’s a sign! I’m invested now so you have to come back and let us know! X

I'll try and remember in 4 months! 😂

We’ll remind you! 😂

Can you take little break from thinking about a name?
Just, try not thinking about it at all for a month, or so?
Sometimes doing nothing is the best thing, because you might get new ideas and/or realizations from it.