Can I register dad's last name if he's not present?

29 replies

mollieangel123 · 29/01/2025 19:57

Exactly what the title says

Anyone know if I can register our baby without my partner being there? My partner is in the army and he's away while we register her but we're also not married.

Thought I'd see if anyone knows if I can still do this

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sel2223 · 30/01/2025 12:27

HouseAshamed · 30/01/2025 12:16

@sel2223 , it seems that you are failing to accept that the posters who are saying 'mother's surname' are saying it for reasons they might have some experience or knowledge of.

As OP's DP will be away on deployments, she will in many ways be a lone parent. She'll be doing all of the parenting most of the time. I wouldn't point it out were it not for your pig-headedness, but this can put an enormous amount of strain on a relationship. If they get married, then changing the child's surname is easy. Changing it because a relationship has irretrievably broken down isn't.

We're not being rude, we're being practical.

I hope that OP and her DP have a happy and successful relationship, of course, but giving the father's surname to a child is from centuries of patriarchy that isn't always practical in the 21st century.

Again, as you can't seem to get your head around the fact that not everyone agrees when you and that, besides that, the OP didn't ask you about this and you are detailing the thread.....we'll have to agree to disagree.

Whether or not the OP wants to give her surname, her partners surname or a completely made up surname to her baby is entirely up to her. I'm sure if she wants opinions on what she should do, she'll ask.

HouseAshamed · 30/01/2025 12:37

@pinkyredrose , they might as a couple choose to use one surname for all the family.

HouseAshamed · 30/01/2025 12:43

@sel2223 ,it is you derailing the thread.

mpsw · 31/01/2025 11:25

pinkyredrose · 30/01/2025 12:21

What 'very good reasons' are there?

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Because if/when you marry and choose to change your name, it is easy to change the DC's name at that point.

But it's not always possible to change it to yours (see many threads about how this can't be done, no matter how deadbeat the Dad, though of course I hope OP is never in those circs)

You need the consent of all those with PR, so if the DC has a surname that is different to the mother's and the other parent does not consent, then the name cannot be changed (until the DC reaches adulthood and can do it for themselves). Which can leave mother's bringing up a DC whose name will never match theirs if the intended marriage does not take place. Which may or may not bother OP.

But you can get challenged about your relationship to the DC by various forms of officialdom if the names appear unrelated (usually easily overcome, but annoying), and it's also highly likely that - when the DC is old enough for people to know them first (schools, clubs, their friend's friends and family) that they will just assume (as per tradition) that the mother's surname is the same as that of the DC, so you get "Mrs DCsurname" a lot. This could be anything between irrelevant, via mildly annoying, through to jarring reminder of the past.

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