If you liked very different names, how did you find a compromise?

[Mussol]

If our baby is a girl there won't be any problem. There are lots of names that we both love and it barely took us a minute to agree on our favourite. If it's a boy it will be trickier.

I really like Jesse (DH thinks it sounds too American), Raphael with Rafi for short (DH associates it too much with ninja turtles), and Isaac (he doesn't actively dislike it but isn't very keen).

DH loves Eric (a definite no from me as this was the name of a terrifying grumpy neighbour we had when I was little), Jasper (I rode a horse called Jasper for nearly ten years, and lovely as he was I wouldn't name my son after him), and Martin (I feel the same way about Martin as DH does about Isaac).

We do both like Michael, but neither of us wants the inevitable nicknames Mike or Mick.

I don't really want either of us to have to settle for a name we're only lukewarm about, but after going through a big list of boys' names it feels like I hate everything he's drawn to and vice versa.

I love Rafi and Isaac! Pity your husband doesn't.

Hugo, Sebastian, Matthew, Xander, Joshua, Rowan?

Also, if you haven't already heard of it, there's an app called Kinder which is supposed to be like Tinder for baby names. You can both link your accounts, swipe on the names you each like, and the app shows you your matches.

I just crossed my fingers we'd have a girl, and we did.

ExH's one boy name that he wouldn't budge on was beyond ridiculous.

I was lukewarm about some of our choices and vice versa. We exhausted options, but love their names now. I don’t think your styles are that different. You’ve probably thought of these before but how about

casper
ralph
rafe
jude
felix
caspian
frank
zachary
seth
stanley
rudy

Unfortunately you have to keep trying
Micah
Joshua
Jonas
Emil
Asher
Matthew

Isaac is lovely, maybe it’ll grow on him? I like Michael too. How about-

Luke
Adam
Daniel
Zachary / Zack
Jude
Jonah
Rafferty nn Rafi
Rory
Harry
Jonathan
Caleb
Maxwell
Jacob
Marcus
Dexter
Robert

Jesse - no. Jude, Joel?
Raphael with Rafi for short - awful
Isaac- ok. Aaron, Caleb, ...?
Eric - like. Frederick,Patrick?
Jasper - ok, Caspar/Casper?
Martin - Mark, Marcus?
Michael - Mike or Mick. Or Spike, Mika or Mitch?

Michael is a beautiful and very special name. You don't need to abbreviate if you don't want to.

My nephew is Michael. His name is never shortened by family….some of his mates may call him a shorter version when they are alone, but never in front of family.
If you want him to be Michael, then just call him that every time you speak to / about him and correct people if they try to shorten it.

@Seventimesaday , My name is never shortened by family. Everyone else knows me by a diminutive that my parents didn't want to be used.

I have found that there are a lot more full names in my kids classes. More Timothy, Matthew and David than Tim, Matt and Dave. Nicknames aren't inevitable. Perhaps because there are more names around now, so there are fewer family names to differentiate between.

My ds has a name that is commonly shortened. So many adults will shorten it, even though I said the full name, but I just correct them. Kids just repeat the name told to them.

I know a Ralph whose nickname is Raphi. Might be an option to remove the ninja turtles connotation? Or alternatively maybe Rafferty or Rapha?

If you really can’t agree then you will have to go with a compromise and find a name you’re both happy with, even if you don’t love it.

Incidentally I have a brother called Michael and he is not known as anything else within the family. Some of his friends do call him Mike but within the family and certainly with my parents he has only ever been known as Michael, so a shortening is not inevitable.

what about Rafferty? It's Irish surname, but could be a name. I like Martin from your husbands suggestions

Maybe
Marco/Marcus
Desmond
Declan
Peter
Julian
Frederick
Jeremy
Timothee/Timothy
Sebastian
Florian
Elias
Hector
Ellis
Bernard
Hermes
Valerian
Igor
Gregory
Thorin
Nicholas
Flynn

Timothy, Matthew and David than Tim, Matt and Dave. Nicknames aren't inevitable.
When I was in primary school, we had a Stephen, Peter, Suzanne, Christopher, Melanie, Deborah, Jacqueline, Rebecca, Daniel, Michael and a Philip. Never shortened.
They are now Steve, Pete, Sue, Chris, Mel, Debs, Jackie, Becky, Mike and Phil.

Thank you all for the advice and suggestions. I like Elias, Micah, Joshua, Caleb, Jude and Frederick. I'm surprised I hadn't thought of that last one before. I was a huge Five Find-Outers fan as a child! It's a good compromise with Eric too. I'll ask DH what he thinks.

Rafferty nn Rafi instead of Raphael?

Dh and I narrowed it down to two names. His favourite and my favourite. We didn't hate each other's choice but didn't love it. Then dh watched me give birth wand be sewn up after and said I could have my choice.

I can’t agree with the pp who seem confident you can avoid the obvious diminutives of Michael. You can correct people for a while but this is within your control for a very short window. Likely by juniors, and certainly by secondary age, the child will have a firm opinion on the matter and teens (and their friends) seem to have an uncanny knack for alighting on the diminutive that their parents detest the most!

All of the younger (as in under 40) Michaels I know are just Michael - it’s a nice and currently underused name, so I’d think about holding on to it

Or maybe

Matthias / Matthew
Patrick
Laurence
Jerome
Rufus
Joss
Joel

I like Frederick but there are a billion Freddie’s from 4 to 40 odd, if that matters to you

I agree.
I used to work in a team where most of us went by a diminutive e.g. Jon, Sue, Alex, Chris, but there was one who would insist on his full name (e.g. 'I'm Michael actually'). It made him look a bit up himself. OK, his name, his choice, but ...

This is the only way we found a name we both liked!