Blending surnames help?

[helpamamaoutt]

Our baby is 1. We got married 2 years ago. I've not legally changed my name due to indecision with the name choice. We registered baby with DH surname.

I am feeling more and more sad with our baby having DHs name. I'm not a feminist so to speak but I do have this strong feeling that it's just not sitting right with me that baby only gets his name. Our surnames double barrelled do not work and we are thinking of all doing a family deed poll for a new name with the endings of both of our surnames combined.

1. What do you think of this? Do you think it will get a lot of judgement? I shouldn't care I know! I've heard it happening a lot more recently so hope modern times mean for a more accepting audience.

1. How would you go about announcing this? I'd like it to read as though this has been two years in the making and we've decided on it to have part of both of us in our name as it's meaningful etc etc etc etc.

Help very much appreciated. Hope I've shared this to the right part of MN! X

When we got engaged to changed my surname (previously married name) to dp's first name.. When we married and had a dc I kept it and dc is first name - dh's first name... Could you do similar?

I like it and it was something my husband and I considered. In the end though, I took his.

I don't think you would need any announcement so to speak, just introduce yourselves as new name and anyone that already knows surname just say ''it's x now". I think the family all having same name is best.

I think this is fine and have a friend who did this. I probably wouldn’t bother making an announcement though, how many people really need to know your surname? Obviously I’d tell work etc but wouldn’t make a big deal about the why’s. That said, who cares what other people think?

Yeah thanks all... I just thought we may need to almost reintroduce ourselves. I was stupid for not doing it at our wedding to be honest and kicking myself now!

Our surnames double barrelled do not work

I'm not sure that's important - people would get used to it. I'd argue that Katarina Johnson-Thompson's name "doesn't work", but she gets on fine with it, same as many others.

It’s a nice idea. People will have an opinion whatever you do or don’t do so you should go with what feels right for your family. Do you send out Christmas cards etc? Do a family Christmas card and just write in it from ‘The Newnames’. You might have to clarify a few times but it’s no biggy.

Small point though you perhaps need to look into what being a feminist means before decrying that you’re not one. I’m guessing you probably agree with equal pay and opportunities etc.

Go for it. When my dc were born I gave them their fathers surname as I was planning to change mine upon marriage. We split up before that happened.

By the time they were early teens DCs relationship with him had broken down to the point they no longer wanted his name. After lots of talking and thinking we decided on a hybrid name of mine, theirs and my mum's/step dad's. They changed theirs when they were 16 as they needed their fathers permission before then. We never made any big announcement though. Just mention it if it's relevant.

Go for it. My kids have double barrelled surnames - they definitely don't 'match' but I couldn't care less!

I'm am married (to their dad)
Kept my surname. Husband kept his.
No problem
zero issues.
Do it.

I took my husband’s name so don’t know how much my opinion counts but I prefer blended names to double barrelling.
I wouldn’t announce I’d just start using, change on social media send Christmas cards from the whoevers.
People will pick it up.

I know a few people who have done this. Personally I find it a bit naff, but that's because the combinations they've cone up with all seem a bit contrived to me with very tenuous links to their original names.

Personally I couldn't wait to get rid of my maiden name as it was my birth father's surname, who I've had nothing to do with since I was 18. I do understand how others may feel a lot more affinity to their birth surname though, if they are from a closer family unit where the name means a lot to them.

Personally in your circumstances I would probably just change my surname to his, as you've already given it to your child and I wouldn't want to go through the hassle of all 3 of you changing your names by deed poll. It seems easier to just do the one change. It depends how strongly you feel about retaining part of your own surname I guess. Personally, the reason I don't really understand this trend is because you're changing your name anyway by making up something new, but I guess it's each to their own. It's not something I 'get', but I wouldn't judge someone who did. Each to their own.

Thanks for your comments all.

DH surname is tainted by family reputation.. we didn't know the extent but there's been significant affairs in and around our area and a lot of promiscuity. Also irrespective of this we aren't in contact with his family either. Ultimately DH would rather not change his name for convenience sake but he doesn't want our children to be tarred with any brush.

This is something we've spoken about for a long time and never put the wheels in motion. Our wedding was stressful to plan and the name just took a back seat. Then when our DC was born, again we were in autopilot. When the dust has settled I hate hearing my DC with the surname 😢

I thought in the interest of fairness to us both, combining names would mean we both have part surname.

You could also use one of your existing surnames as a middle name eg add on your surname to your child's middle name if you don't want double b

Sounds simple then, he changes to your surname and you all just have yours?

It is not especially inconvenient to change your name on marriage, regardless of your gender. A majority of women and an increasing number of men do it every day and businesses and organisations are well used to it. You don't need a deed poll, just your marriage certificate. It is often helpful to get a new official document (such as a passport or driving licence) in the married name first and then this will also be accepted by virtually all banks etc. It really does seem like all three of you adopting your surname as your family name is the simplest option. You could start using it day-to-day immediately and then he could change it officially when his driving licence or passport come up for renewal.

By the way, I think you might be a feminist. Congratulations

We have a combined surname though almost entirely for pragmatic reasons - DH is double barrelled anyway and unfortunately the first bit of his name sounded silly with my name, and with a lot of baby names I liked. So we substituted that for my surname and kept the second bit as it was. It’s a bit annoying as you have to get a deed poll and update everything but in terms of reintroducing yourself I don’t think it would be a big deal. Certainly not like it would be if you changed your first name.

@ZoyaTheDestroyer I think I am too 🤩 I don't see why me and my DC should be lumbered with the traditional duty of accepting a name that's tainted in any event. I didn't want to take it in the first place hence not yet changing. I use my surname professionally and would plan to continue to do so.

I can't see DH taking my name only. So I thought the blend would be compromised. The endings of both our names create a new name, it's actually really pretty too. Bonus.

@Oganesson118 like Pritt-Johnson and Williams to Williamson for example? That works really well!

Ours would be like... Samson and Brinleigh to Leighson, but not those names.

You should ask him. He might surprise you!

More like Ferris-Jones to Samson-Jones (if Samson had been my maiden name)

We did this when we got married and it has worked really well, and our child now has the same name. Using your example, Samson and Leigh became Samleigh.

It's super easy to do a deed poll, you can get a template online for free and get it witnessed by people you know. It's easiest to change your name on your driving licence first and use that as ID to change everything else.

We had only positive reactions from friends and family, it's more of a common thing to do now I think.

Go for it! I’ve known a few people that have done this and it works well. I wish we had done this rather than me taking DH’s name. Or we even said we should have just picked a new name if not able to combine them.

Do it!

Peolle have opinions whatever you do or don’t do. I bet many will secretly think ‘I wish I had done that’

You could if you wish send out a message such as ‘hi all, we have decided to celebrate our third wedding anniversary by adopting a family name that we all share. Best wishes from … your 3 new names’ . Third anniversary is ‘leather’ - you could show a pic of new leather key fobs embossed with your new names.

Not to be rude, but how is that different? Your surname isn't your surname, it's your DHs name. Why didn't you just change to his surname instead?

I like blended surnames, it feels like a nice way to make a new family name, it includes everyone and can feel like a fresh start.
I do like it epecially when the new name makes a 'better' or more neutral name than either of the others e.g. Dung and Bumford can be Dunford, or Wartson and Pratt can be Watts.

My DH has taken my surname.

We did toy with the idea of a DB name but honestly it wasn’t for us. I would ask him and see what he say.

If you all like the newly created surname use that. who cares what anyone else thinks