Surnames

[TitanicBaby]

Hi,
This is my 1st time on here and wanted people's opinions. I am due to have a baby with my new partner in October. We're not married, but have know each other for over 20 years. Since I found out I was pregnant it's been abit up and down and recently we split up because he said he feels like "I don't respect him".

Anyway, I'm having a boy, and I have been trying to decide on names. I have two children from my previous marriage who have the same surname as me (I never changed it after the divorce because I wanted the same name as my kids).

I decided that I wanted to double barrell the new babies surname, one with my old married name and the other with my partners name. Therefore it's shares half of us, and the baby has the same name as my kids, it's half siblings.

Unfortunately the babies dad has gone nuts and said its disrespectful and inappropriate. I don't agree, as if we're not together then why should he get a say?

In addition my ex husband is happy for me to use his surname as he understands its because the children are siblings.

Am I in the wrong?

I think that's a very fair solution. Baby has both his parents surnames.

It's not disrespectful or inappropriate. Tell him you can just use your surname if he doesn't like the idea of double barrelling.

When he comes back at you with it's traditional for babies to take their father's name - tell him that traditionally babies have taken their mother's surname, which as many were married and had taken their husband's name, the baby had the father's name.

I agree with Sue152 - if he's arsy about the double barrelling, use just your name.

It's either your surname or double barrel it.

Yup.

The surname doesn't belong to your ex husband it's yours now. Your current/recent partner is being a patriarchal twat.

Your surname definitely. I wouldn't even double barrel it. If you get married baby can be reregistered and take his name at that point. Or he can change his name to match yours if he wants the same name.

You have no legal way to change your child's name once it is registered (with him on the birth certificate) unless you get his permission.

Use the same surname as your children's and yours. Don't double-barrel.

That’s YOUR surname. It’s your family name and your children’s surname. It now exists completely separate from your ex. It’s the name you’ll always have.

Honestly given the details you’ve provided I think I’d scrap the idea entirely and give the baby your surname, not double barrel, give his name as a middle name at most. This has ‘disappearing wanker fair weather dad’ written all over it, so give this baby the same surname as the rest of the family it will live with. He feels you ‘don’t respect him’? I’m sure you don’t, why the hell should you? He doesn’t sound like he’s earned any respect. He can maybe start by respecting your autonomy, the fact that your name is yours, and you can take it from there?

Always give your baby the same surname as you have yourself. Forget double barrelling with the father's surname.

Thank you ladies. I was just checking it wasn't just me that thought he was being a dick (I know I'm not wrong). He's been very on and off about having a baby and this is the straw that's broken the camel's back, I'm afraid.

But I don't need him financially, and certainly not emotionally and mentally. So ill go it alone.

Best of luck, @TitanicBaby . @TheCultureHusks seems right with the 'disappearing wanker fair weather dad' description.

I gave my kids a hyphenated surname. Tbh I wish I’d just given them mine as the dad turned out to be a wrong ‘un. Sorry your relationship has soured, hope you have an easy pregnancy and birth.