My surname

[Foxtrotbeta]

Has anyone married but who kept their own surname given their baby the mother's surname? My husband is not opposed to the idea, he isn't keen on double barrelled. I'm interested how many people even have this conversation when default man is still so common.

I didn't keep my surname but I think that children should have the same surname as the mother. DH would have been happy to change to my surname but I preferred his.

My cousin and his wife gave their DC a different surname altogether. It didn't seem to be an issue. I was a bit surprised when they had their first but soon got used to it.

Some cultures use different surname patterns. e.g. Spain

Blaze that trail momma.

Mine have hyphenated names. I’d have preferred just mine but I compromised. I’m glad i’m represented as he left me for another woman.

I know two families where the girls have the mother's surname and the boys have been given theirf ather's surname.

Full siblings but with different surnames in each family.

I gave mine my surname and his dad threatened me with court to change it to double barrel and I gave in to save drama. If yours isn't bothered go with your name. The only thing is people might assume that the father isn't the kids father. Would the three of you be ok with keeping on correcting that.

My husband and I thought about flipping a coin. Defaulting to his name was never under consideration. That isn’t the kind of marriage we have. Ultimately we decided that girls would get my name and boys would get his. We preferred having a rule that our child(ren) could replicate or ignore in the future

I found that with schools and appointments I got called Mrs DC_Surname a lot of the time. I'd remarried and was Mrs Somethingelse.
Probably not an issue for OP

The default is that baby is given the mother's surname.

It's only because traditionally the wife takes her husband's surname upon marriage, and traditionally a man and woman marry before having children, it seems like children take the father's surname. As under these circumstances everyone in the family has the same name.

Obviously nowadays it's not always true that a couple are married before they have a baby. Or that the wife changes her name to her husband's, even if they are married.

The default remains that the baby should have the same surname as it's mother though.

We chose a new surname when we married, which was my mother's maiden name because we liked it best of all our family names. I think it's easier if the whole family has the same surname in certain instances for things like travelling as you need proof the child is yours otherwise etc so maybe look into the consequences for the other person if you don't take the same name. But lots of people have different surnames to their kids and are fine, doesn't have to be the male surname and personally if we had different ones before we had her I was always clear the baby would be getting mine.

We did :)

I kept my name upon marriage and I was not prepared to sacrifice my name where my kiddies were concerned. I suggested to DH we double-barrel, but he thought that would be a mouthful (at five syllables in total he wasn’t wrong) and so he was happy to have mine as a surname, with his as a middle name for the children.

My view is that I grew and nourished them why should my husband get all the credit because of an archaic social convention! That and I’m a proud feminist.

Don’t regret it for a second - although we have over the years had so many letters addressed to [DC] [DH surname] even AFTER I informed them that they had my name! That said, it was recently my eldest’s birthday and there was only one incorrectly addressed card.

Not sure how ILs perceive our decision (they are quite traditional) but not their kid so not their concern!

When I got married 14+ years ago I took my husband's name for no other reason than I liked it and was bored of my maiden name. I didn't give thought to why or "tradition". If he'd had a shit surname I probably wouldn't have done. Our children have our family name.

However, had we not been married, I would have insisted that the babies have my maiden name as default. I grew them, birthed them, nursed them so my name takes precedence here.

As mum of two boys, and having become increasingly feminist as I've gotten older (and raising two sons!), my message to them as they get older is that surnames no longer default to their surname. If they choose not to marry before having kids, any kids should immediately have their mother's name. And if they're "offended" by that, they need to have a think about why that is...

I think the default is usually the baby gets the mother’s surname. When I had my son the hospital gave him my surname on his notes. I do have the same surname as my husband, but they had no way of knowing what his was, they didn’t ask him. I think it’s fine and perfectly normal to give baby your surname if both you and your husband agree.

I suggested to DH we double-barrel, but he thought that would be a mouthful (at five syllables in total he wasn’t wrong)

I had a college friend with a six-syllable hyphenated surname (and a four-syllable first name). Most forms didn't have enough spaces for the whole thing.

A friend of mine gave her daughter her surname, and father’s name as a middle name - even though it’s clearly a last name, it’s never really used, but it’s there as part of her legal name.

Since our household has a mix of surnames, DH and I frequently get called by the wrong surname in certain situations. Schools, doctors offices, tradespersons, etc. Most brief interactions don’t require correction. We just say hello and move on. Each of us is perfectly fine being called by the other surname in these low-stakes fleeting situations.

I feel so sorry for women when a marriage breaks up and the children have to carry the father's name - even in cases when the father doesn't see them. Must be so hurtful for the mum.
I do have an ex friend whose husband was a real B and left amid affairs. Friend and 2 daughters (in their early teens changed their surnames to the mothers)

We gave the kids my surname as it was nicer and not open to an awful rhyming nickname. I'm glad because i travel a bit with them without my husband so helpful to all have the same surname on passports. Husband didn't care about the surname but his parents were furious.

We're getting married next year, 2 DC. Double barrelled would be 6 syllables which seems a mouthful.. but on reflection other cultures have long names as the norm.

I'm so torn about what to do. Feel sad about giving up my name but I do want us to have the same. DP wouldn't take mine but isn't pushy about me taking his.

DC1 currently has double barrelled as we were young and I didn't know whether DP would stick around! By the time DC2 came along we were much more established and were engaged so he has DPs surname.

And if we do double barrelled for the kids, what are they meant to do if they get married? The only option really is the Spanish way...

My DM always said babies should have the mothers surname as you can always be certain who the mother is but not necessarily who the father is. (In the days before DNA)

Yes this is what we did. It was a total non-issue, and works well for us. Name didn't sound right double barrelled and his last name isn't as cool as mine

DD has my surname and DH’s as a middle name.

I did all the hard work, so……..

We double barelled with marriage and had agreed before then even that children would also be double barelled. However the alternative would have been for me to keep my name and kids get my surname. No way would I have wanted kids to have DH's surname alone.