Calling parents who have changed their child’s name….

[PollyPeter]

Looking for how you managed it and how the experience was. The actual name I feel is somewhat irrelevant, the main issue we have is that our child is now 16 months so we are far into his current name however the more interactions outside our immediate network we have had the more we have found that everyone where we live mispronounces the name, and we have spoken to other people with the name in this location and they have faced the same issue. I can’t stand it now, I hate saying his name to people we don’t know, hate attending appointments where I know it will be said wrong. He is due to start preschool next month and my sense is that it’s now or never to make the switch over and use his middle name as his primary name.
For people who name changed, did you make an announcement to friends and family? A WhatsApp message? Explanation, how did you handle it and how was the reaction, did people accept it, did they find that it created space for them to insert opinions on the original versus replacement name, did people transition quite quickly and get used to it?
Any advice please!

No comment on your question, but in adoption circles if you are changing the name (which is unusual but can be done), you double barrel for a short time then drop. So you go from John to John-Paul to Paul over a few weeks.

Thanks @TeenDivided we figured that’s what we would need to start doing at home to help his 3 year old brother with the transition. But just thinking now as we register for preschool and they have the option of “preferred name” it’s the time to put the middle name in that box…. Or live with the mispronunciation which I feel my DH thinks he can do but it’s because he is out and about with him much less than I am and not exposed to it as often. But yes, verbalising first and middle name all the time will definitely help as a start, even for us!

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to write that there are many threads here on the Mumsnet Baby names board about changing the name of a child. If you want to read about other parents in similar situations, do a search.

Hopefully you will get other helpful answers to this thread too, of course!

I hope it will all work out for you!

Hey we changed the way our daughters name was pronounced for very much the same reasons. We've changed to the common pronunciation to make life easier for her growing up. We just told people individually either in person or on the phone so we could explain the reasons. It took a couple of weeks for people to get used to it but now its become natural. I didn't like this pronunciation at first, but when you somewhere and her name gets called and you dont have to correct it, it does start to feel like the right thing.
We transitioned by just switching to the new name at home for a week before telling people so that we were sure.
Best of luck.

We changed our son’s name just before his second birthday. PIL weren’t happy and made a bit of a fuss and birthday cards were to original name and then new name. But everyone got used to it really quickly. We changed his name by deed poll.

And to answer your question re telling everyone, we just sent cards out with a picture of him on the front and inside said, ‘now I am two I would like to be called x’

We did this when our daughter was 6 months old. Changed the birth certificate so it has her new name on too.

My DH brothers made a few jokey comments. I think it was good that we laughed with them as it didn't become a big thing and could be talked about with us.

I knew it was the right decision so didn't mind what people said. Family adjusted quickly and accepted our decision. No problems with it.

Our DD is older now and I've told her about it and she hasn't really shown any interest yet x

I recommend trying the new name out at home for a week to see how it feels

Do you have another name in mind?
It's not difficult if both parents are in agreement.
How to change a child’s name by deed poll - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

If you like the name but not the bad pronunciation, keep it as a middle name.
If you don't change the name but switch to the middle name, he'll still get called the first name fairly often.

e.g. Say you currently have little Noel Liam Peters and you love Noel said as Nowull but hate No-El, keeping the name but calling DS Liam, you'll still find yourself in the waiting room with them calling out "No-El Peters. No El Liam Peters'

I'd change it to Newname Noel Peters, but only if you still like the name.

With his brother, tell him that you are now calling Noel 'Newname Noel' from now on and then slowly ease into. He'll get used to it. He got used to 'the Baby' getting a name.

I didn't change a child's name, I changed my own name at 18, having hated it for as long as I could remember. I don't think anyone really were bothered other than the parent who'd originally chosen it.

It only affects my life now if I need DBS or SC and I have to fill in the names I was previously known by.

(my original name was something like Isla Nicola White and I changed it to something like Nicole Bond)

I forgot to say I was always known as Nicola. Now I'm Nic to everyone apart from those who knew me as a child, and the parent who once I'd name-changed decided to refer to me as Isla but say it as Is-la. It's meant to piss me off but I can't be arsed.

** Not the actual names

One of my NCT group gave her son a daft name.
she just texted a few months later with a poem (and the new name)

Yup, changed my daughter's name. She was born very early, and abroad, and they only gave us 24 hours to register the birth. My husband then vetoed all the carefully chosen names on our list and we ended up choosing a completely new name. We both regretted the name choice (especially me as it reminded me of someone I don't like!) but only changed it when she was around 16 months old. We had to jump through lots of official hoops to change it, get supporting letters etc (we're still abroad) but we're so glad we did. The lesson I learned? Don't let your blooming husband veto the name list when you're high on morphine after a cs! If we have another baby he's not having a say LOL!

Ps when it comes to announcing it, I told people individually as and when I saw them or when I was in touch with them. A Facebook announcement seemed a bit impersonal and too open to inviting unwanted questions. The whole process takes a while in any case, you need to change the birth certificate, change their passport, so it gives you time to bring it up and discuss it. I didn't invite any opinions and wasn't given any, other than from her Godfather who really liked the nickname derived from her original name. I explained why we changed her name if people asked, but if your friends are true friends they shouldn't be judgemental ( to your face at least!). As for family, I think ours all preferred the new name anyway. I would change it, rather than living with regret. Unless people know you pretty well, they probably don't know the names of your kids so I wouldn't worry about them, just start using the new name. In my experience absolutely nobody was the slightest bit bothered by the name change, even her nursery didn't raise an eyebrow. I love my DD's name now, it has real meaning to both of us.

Going back to pre WW2, people always used their middle names as their first, my dad, my grandparents, and their siblings, it's a pretty normal thing back then, so if your child is Finlay James Smith, just swap them around for school and call him James Finlay Smith, he can choose what he prefers as an adult, and you just tell him the truth that people mispronounced it all the time, so you just made it easier for him and everyone else. No big deal at all. Good luck op. X

Going back to pre WW2, people always used their middle names as their first,
Not true. Some people did.

It's common in my family, but the ones born in 1890-1920 were known by their first names or a nn (Tom, Bob, Annie, Nancy etc). Many didn't have a middle name.