What would you do?

[bells987]

Here for genuine advice so no bashing please!
my partner and I just do not agree on a baby name. Everything I love he says “absolutely not” to and he’s just not really loving anything. He’s made a few suggestions here and there but we don’t agree on those, either.
trust me when I say I feel like we’ve exhausted everything, which is now resulting in us really butting heads on this.
does anyone have any advice on how I can handle this please? I don’t want to have to compromise on a name I don’t love, but don’t want him to have to massively compromise either? Help!

You have to find a way to compromise, because he has say just as you.
Why does your partner hate every suggestion you offered? I would hate if my partner says all my suggestions are bad without explaining and compromise should include him compromising, not just you. It's not really good compromise if only one side is happy.

ask him to write 10 names and you write 10 names, exchange lists and both cross names you don't like. Talk about names that are not crossed. If no names remains, repeat lists till next 10 names, but both have to participate.

another idea is to take British top 100 (pick either Scotland, NI or E&W list) and and each pick 5 names you like from list. If you agree on some names, talk about that names. If you're Americans or Australian or other pick list from your own country. If you don't agree, pick 5 names until you find all names you like or list is over.

When is the baby due? Do you need a shortlist for both sexes?
Which names have you considered? Have you looked at names that aren't currently trendy?
Is your taste vastly different?

The baby should have the same surname as the mother.

There's an app that can help find one that both parents like.

There's an app you can both get , you link your profiles together and then swipe on baby names like tinder. When you both swipe like on a name , it pops up that you've a match.

There may just not be a name you both absolutely love. Tbh, I don't think dh and I both absolutely loved both our baby names. We did have to compromise a bit. We chose names we both liked obviously and we love the names now because of who they belong to

Good advice from the previous posters!

We literally went through a baby name book. There was absolute veto on each side. No compromising whatsoever - if one of us didn't like it, it was off the list. And that way we ended up with a name we both loved!

use the baby names app. Each install it but set up as a pair and swipe left or right depending on whether you like them or not and it will tell you your matches.

The one I used was called Babyname and I liked it (some out there or non English names but also lots of good ones)
i looked at another called kinder but the names were more German/scandinavian.

Oh God, this was us. We booked to register the birth as late as possible - think it was six weeks. We had five baby books. She got her name about midnight before DH went to register her. I suggested something, he said “I can live with that”, I shut the book and that was that. It’s a real Marmite name on here and is now quite popular but was virtually unheard of back then (she’s in her 20s now). It suits her. And after we had named her, my Gran told me that one of her aunts had the same name! So it was a family name, as a bonus!

Make a list of 10 names each and see if the same name appears on both lists. That’s a start.

If no joy with this, then make your list and say he is not allowed to remove a name unless he replaces it with something else.

It’s easy to say no to everything but not helpful at all! Good luck.

I had some friends who couldn't agree but then after the DH saw what his DW went through with childbirth and the immediate pp period he realised that it was only fair she got the final say. So you could wait for that then put the pressure on, depending on your capacity for manipulation!

Alternatively, did you change your name when you got married? If not you could play hardball with that and say both the names are up for grabs, rather than just assuming he gets the surname by default. This weakens his negotiating position and would make him more likely to compromise of first name if you allow him the surname. Well technically you can do that anyway even if you did change your name by saying you're considering changing your name back because you still identify with your old name.

Imagining if I were the child, I'd find it a bit depressing to discover I'd been named as a result of the system you propose.

I think @bells987 gets to choose and decide, for obvious reasons. OP should be 'allowed' to have a name she loves.

This will work if you're both obliging and flexible. OP's husband isn't, apparently, when he's "not really loving anything".

Partner? Who gets the surname? Because if you're using his surname, unmarried, I'd say you get the casting vote for first name.

Two pieces of advice.
Each make a list of family names that you wouldn't mind using.
Form a combined list of the ones both of you like.
The names in common, you can use as second names, or first.

Make a long list of names that YOU like enough to use.
Go through a large data base/book and make the list, being sure to take into consideration whether it suits the surname etc. Hand the list to your husband and have him cross off names that he dislikes. That should leave you with a much shorter list to discuss.

If, after all this you have no name, decide on the surname and the other parent gets to choose the first name. The middle name is a grandparent's name or the other parent's surname..

Thank you everyone for your suggestions!
we have tried the apps and making endless lists to no avail unfortunately!
we are not married and our first child has his surname, so I do agree with the posters that think this gives me a slight edge with the name haha.
Will obviously keep conversations going and hope for the best, to me it makes more sense for at least one of us to love the name, rather than us both feeling indifferent about it?

to me it makes more sense for at least one of us to love the name, rather than us both feeling indifferent about it

Only if neither of you actively dislikes it. But if there is no name you love that he doesn't hate, you need to find one you're both alright with.

But it's only the names that she's suggesting that he's "not really loving". There are about a thousand baby names!