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Baby name regret 2 years later :(

15 replies

Busyentrepreneur30 · 06/04/2024 18:31

Having baby name regret 2 years later and feel so crappy about it. I have never truly loved youngest child's name and it feels weird/awkward/too late to change it, but I can't stop thinking about it. I have another daughter but always loved her name and never thought of changing it because it felt right. I only agreed to my second born's name because my husband didn't like most of the names I threw out there, but liked this one. But every time someone says her name it feels "wrong" and I cringe. At first I thought it was just postpartum hormones, and I would adjust, but it's been 2 years and a month and I still can't get over it. I have tried to let go of these feelings but they always come back. And no, I won't mention the name. I will say that while it's an uncommon name, I receive complements on it pretty often. I also have people say "Oh that's an interesting name" meaning they don't really like it because it's too unusual for their taste. The fact that it her name is uncommon and prone to mispronunciation doesn't help the whole situation. I feel like she will have issues with this her whole life, always having to spell out her name and correct people on the pronunciation. I have tried calling her by a different name sometimes (her middle name) and she actually responds to it, so I'm wondering if maybe it isn't too late to switch around her first and middle name and that she will adjust? Curious if anyone out there has changed their child's name so late in the game? Whenever I call her by her middle name, which I love, it feels strange because I'm used to calling her by the other, so I'd love to hear from parents who have changed their child's name. How long did it take before everyone was used to the new name and it felt normal? Not 100% sure I'm going to change it yet, but I don't want this to haunt me forever!! By the way, my husband said he is on board to change it since it bugs me so much! All I know is I have to make a decision quick since she's getting older and more aware by the day!

OP posts:
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KirstenBlest · 06/04/2024 19:04

Talk it through with your DH. Plenty of people go by their middle name (Liz Truss, Boris Johnson etc)
Switch gradually from both 1st and middle to middle so that Antigone Jade eventually is just Jade.

I know a couple of women who are something like Sadie-Louise or Marie-Lynne on their bc but known as Dee or Lynne day-by-day.

Moreteaandchocolate · 06/04/2024 19:05

I have a couple of friends who go by their middle names for similar reasons. It’s definitely the right time to do it if that’s what feels right to you. I’m sure you’ll feel so relieved when it’s done and it’ll just be a funny / interesting story to tell when she’s older about her name. Best of luck :)

oldnorsesaga · 06/04/2024 19:05

Postpartum depression or anxiety can occur up to 2 years after birth of the child.

I would change it, since it seems like easy decision for both of you and you child seems like she can adjust. Don't worry about family and friends, they will adjust pretty soon too...

but talk to some professional about your feelings too.

KirstenBlest · 06/04/2024 19:14

but talk to some professional about your feelings too.
Please do.

Also, if it really do want to change it, you can by deed poll, if both parents agree.

The names in my pp are not those if the actual people but very similar in pattern.

Thinking of my classmates at primary school, about 40% went by their middle name.

Ankylo · 06/04/2024 19:25

I changed my baby's name (called him new name at 6 months but officially changed at 11 months), so I understand. The regret ate away at me until we did it. It had caused PND, rather than the other way around (which luckily, immediately went away after we changed the name!)

Just be aware that she will probably have to use her previous name with some things (as some things ask for previously known as name).

MumChp · 06/04/2024 19:52

Our youngst added an extra name at 7 yo - and she often uses it. She uses all her 3 names.

So if you like her middle name just use it.

mum1345 · 06/04/2024 20:27

Hiya, just a comment to say you are not alone!!!

My daughter is 2 and a half and I have serious baby name regret.
I know how crippling it can be. There isn't anyone you feel you can open up to about it. And when I hear people call her name it just doesn't feel right!
My daughter was nameless for her first two weeks, we had two names in the running. Called her by one for a week and then got worried to use it as know one really said anything positive about the name when we mentioned it and it panicked us,
Went with the other name, which we both liked - just didn't love.

Now I constantly feel crushed that we didn't use the name we preferred.
Not much we can do about it now, but after 2 years you would think you would get over it but it just doesn't seem to go away! There seems to be little reminders all the time.

I don't see anything wrong with going by your little ones middle name, especially if she responds to it.
A lot of people do this so it should work!
Good luck!! Xx

SkaneTos · 06/04/2024 22:36

In my home country it is not unusual to be called your middle name, so that is nothing weird to me. I have a close family member who goes by her middle name, and always has been. Sometimes in the doctor's office they will call out "Sarah Lastname", and she will answer "That's me, it's Elisabeth Lastname" and they will say OK, and that's that.

desperatedaysareover · 06/04/2024 22:48

My 14 yo DN is Sarah Rosalie Lastname but she’s known as Rosalie and nothing else. She forgets she’s called Sarah, because it almost never comes up, the school just call her Rosalie.

If you like her middle name it’s an easy fix, no? I feel sort of similarly to you in that I don’t like my daughter’s middle name anymore and wish I’d gone for the first choice, not only was it meaningful to me, but what once was seen as an embarrassing old person name has recently become way more popular and I’ve seen it on umpteen threads here. The ‘safe’ name we chose instead feels like a meh place-filler😐 I’d say if you feel that strongly you should just sort it ASAP.

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 06/04/2024 22:48

If she seems happy about it ( and at 2 she’ll likely tell you if she isn’t! 🤣) , just do it. Call her by her middle name for a few weeks and if she keeps responding to it, you can decide whether to switch the names around formally/legally or whether to just tell everyone she is known by her middle name instead now. Imo using her middle name is less of a big deal than choosing a whole “new” name - after all it’s still part of her name and loads of people are best known by their middle ones.

MalibuBarbieDreamHouse · 08/04/2024 00:44

Would you share what her name is OP? Is there any nickname options

blue345 · 08/04/2024 01:44

Don't inflict them with using their middle name instead. Three of my family have this and it's a complete pain in the bottom constantly having to correct people.

fridaynight1 · 08/04/2024 01:56

My brother is known by his middle name. But it was intentional - my mum was always going to call him by his middle name. It just sounded better that way. He was always going to be called David but she thought that John David sounded better than David John.
If you prefer their middle name - use it.

Rainyspringflowers · 08/04/2024 01:59

My parents did the same @fridaynight1 , it was a bit of a joke on my dad’s part because my initials are HRH (or were, before I got married.) But I’ve always been known as R. I have to admit I absolutely hate it, I know I should change it but that’s not without problems either. But it doesn’t really affect my day to day life to be fair. I know my dad didn’t mean any harm but he has caused me a complete pain on many occasions with that stupid ‘joke’ though!

Greeniswonderful · 08/04/2024 09:58

3 out of 4 of my grandparents were known by their middle names. One of my uncles too, switched as a teen. So I think it is quite normal, you just wouldn’t know that someone was going by their middle name unless you asked! So I think go for it with the middle name.

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