Baby name regret

[TA3]

Hi everyone (sending this message on behalf of a very close friend who isn’t on mn)

My friend has a three year old son and from he’s been four Months old she was not sure about his name, (kind of feels forced by her mum to choose it) anyways over this time she’s been to the doctor and been treated for anxiety so was on tablets for one 9months ( all in relation to this name) on and off over the last three years she’s been up and down regarding the name. Now fast forward to three years it’s the same she says it’s not at strong but still there finding. Even when I’m the tablets it didn’t take it away.

please note it’s a name similar to Micky so when she says it people always say aw ‘ ‘ ‘Micky mousse’ his middle name is the dads name which she isn’t keen on using. That’s an explain she doesn’t want me to share the first name. Just not too sure how to support her. Anyone been in this mind frame or any ideas what to do? Changing the child’s name was on the cards about a year ago however I think he is a bit old at 3. Anyone any ideas!

Donald as in Duck?

This was my thinking too. Or Alvin as in Chipmunk.

No.

At 3 years old she's just going to have to move past this. Start calling him by a nickname if she has to. This level of anxiety over a name is not normal and I expect there are deeper issues at play here which she would be better off addressing first.

You can’t change a 3yo’s name, this sounds more like PND

That’s very strong name anxiety. To be on anti depressants for it is extreme. Is it an excuse for other things going on in her life that she can’t admit to? Even if she’d called her son Pluto that shouldn’t warrant depression and anxiety for years.

Yes, this. She loves the child, the name doesn’t matter. Shorten it or lengthen it or just use a nickname.

It's the friend that's not on MN. Maybe she doesn't want to join.

I would go with a nickname that only you use, or a very obscure diminutive of 'Micky'.

I feel for your friend, it sounds like she’s going through a hard time. Is there a shorter or longer version of the name she could use? No name is perfect - there are benefits to having a slightly different or memorable name and he will make the name his own as he gets older. I know lots of people with names that I wouldn’t choose myself but who own their names and I’ve learned to love the name as it reminds me of the person. Maybe she can work on being proud of her child’s name as it belongs to her child, and that’s enough reason to love it.

My kids have had a bajillion nicknames over the years, very few related to their actual name. If I was having name regret I would have just stuck with one of the nicknames. I know several adults still called by their childhood nicknames. I also know several people who just go by their initial/s.

Honestly at 3 it's his name and there's nothing much you, your friend or anyone else can do about the situation.

It sounds like she's fixated on the name and there are wider issues at play here so even if she had changed the name several years ago it's likely she would have fixated on something else.

Has your friend considered therapy to get to the root of the issue?

I think looking to support her over this issue specifically is just going to make it even more of a thing. It's been three years. She needs to start calling him something else or get on with it. Otherwise where on earth will it end?? I'm not saying to outright talk-to-the-hand dismiss her but don't play into it, either.

I think her problems go far beyond a baby name. She needs to be treated for anxiety and OCD. If it wasn't the name it would be something else she would be obsessing over.

Could her anxiety and depression be more related to her relationship with her mother? Does her mother often push her in to things she doesn't want to do? Is this a cause of her depression?

I went through a depressed period and it was caused by my relationship with my controlling and overbearing MIL. The depression went away when I didn't have to see her anymore. Easier to do that with a MIL than mother of course.

i think this is a lot more than just a name. I think you need to support your friend in getting therapy.

The child is a bit old but if she really wants to change it then she could.

I really feel for her, I changed my child’s name before the 12 months and it was an awful time.

Feeling like this for 3years sounds like torture but imo 3 is just too late. Of course she could change it but surely he knows his name?

I also think that something deeper is going on, for myself it was PND so I think speaking to a professional is what till help her move forward.

Well she's obviously got to move on and get over it. It's not normal that she's prioritising this as something to expend her energy on. Sounds like she may still be having mental health issues and obsessing over it.