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Having the same baby name as a friend

23 replies

Jaexo · 13/02/2024 22:10

Hi everyone,
I just needed some advice on what to do, if anyone can help. Me and my friend got pregnant around the same time, she found out she was pregnant in April I found out in July, we both decided to find out the gender and we both are having girls.
I’ve had a name I’ve always wanted for a girl, it’s quite rare and I’ve wanted it ever since I’d heard it when I was a little girl, during a conversation a few years ago I’d mentioned the name and she said that she’d always wanted to call her daughter that when she had a daughter too, we had a mutual understanding that if we were to have baby girls they would both have the same name. When we found out we were both having girls so close this remained the case, we were both fine with the other using the name and both our daughters being named the same thing.
The thing is she’s now given birth to her daughter and as much as I love the name and understand that we have a mutual agreement that we can both use the name, it feels strange to name my baby girl the same name. But I’ve always wanted it, for much longer than me and my friend have known each other and there’s no other names I like. I’m due to give birth very soon and already have things with my baby girls name on, how can I stop feeling strange, and like I’ve ‘copied’ my friend even though we’ve both known the entire time our daughters would be named the same thing?

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ab03 · 13/02/2024 22:25

I wonder if you could pick a middle name that you might actually use to refer to her, it might help you differentiate them in your head (although I doubt this will be a problem for more than a couple of weeks once she's born, she'll be the only one you think about!). The ones that spring to mind are the classic X Louise, X Rose or X May. Depends what the chosen first name is but maybe there are some other less popular options that could work

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fourhundredandsomething · 13/02/2024 22:26

It will be fine! They will spend less than 1% of their lives in the same room x

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Wictc · 13/02/2024 22:28

If you are both fine with it, it will be fine. Your girls aren’t going to live their whole lives in each other’s pockets. It’s only an issue if you haven’t agreed beforehand.

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Onelife2024 · 13/02/2024 22:53

Try to imagine how you would feel if you didn’t use it? Would you regret it? Especially when you heard your friend’s daughter with the name that you really wanted for such a long time? If so, I think you have to use it. Is there any way you can differentiate with different short versions when they are together?

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Hippee · 13/02/2024 23:00

Use it. It might even create a stronger bond between your DDs. We have DS2 with the same name as a friend's DS. We asked if they minded us using it too (had been one of our choices for DS1, so had kind of been saving it) and they said go ahead. It created a bond between the boys, as they didn't know anyone else with their name. My DD's best friend at nursery had the same name as her. There are 3 girls with the same name in one of the classes at school - they have all gravitated towards each other and become close friends. Do not use a middle name as a main name as one PP suggested. I am know by my middle name and it's a complete ball-ache.

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DancingAgain · 13/02/2024 23:03

If you love it more than any other name, then use it. You’ll regret it in years to come if you don’t. One of my closest friends named her child the same name as our child. She did ask, not that she needed to. I thought it was lovely. Both kids are adults now and are close friends.

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Gcsunnyside23 · 13/02/2024 23:06

I don't think it odd, I have two cousins born a month apart with the same name. How would you feel if you didn't use it?

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OolongTeaDrinker · 13/02/2024 23:07

What’s the name - maybe we could suggest some with a similar vibe and if none of them seem right to you, you’ll know to stick with your original choice :)

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NotARealWookiie · 13/02/2024 23:11

I think you’re fine. The middle naming is a fun idea if you feel weird about it and it’s often quite natural to refer to babies by first and middle name.

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ab03 · 14/02/2024 07:46

Just to clarify I think if it's all been agreed you don't need to worry but in terms of you feeling uneasy, I just thought using a middle name kind of as if it's hyphenated, even temporarily while you get used to it, might help. Hard to do examples without knowing the name, but in other cases I know Zoella often calls her daughter Ottilie Rue, I've also heard of a Matilda/Tilly Joy

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noodlesfortea · 14/02/2024 09:41

I would absolutely use it. It might feel. Little odd at first, but so little of her life will be spent with this other child.

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islamann · 14/02/2024 13:39

Can you think of your friends baby as "Big X" and yours as "Little X", even if only in your head. Might help to separate the names in your mind.

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greendaisie · 14/02/2024 15:49

I would definitely give my daughter her own name. I'd hate to be known as little X. It also shows a lack if imagination and defeats the purpose of a name imo

Is there NO other name you love?

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FayCarew · 14/02/2024 16:36

What's the name? You could look it up on Baby names in England & Wales since 1996 (darkgreener.com).
Chances are if both you and your friend love it, many other new parents will too and you might find that your daughter is one of 4 'Name's in her school class.

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FirstFallopians · 14/02/2024 16:45

What’s the name.

If it’s one of the Isla/Eva/Evie/Ella/Ava/Olivia etc names, I honestly wouldn’t give it a second thought.

If it was an unusual name, I’d give it more consideration.

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Etincelle · 14/02/2024 16:49

FirstFallopians · 14/02/2024 16:45

What’s the name.

If it’s one of the Isla/Eva/Evie/Ella/Ava/Olivia etc names, I honestly wouldn’t give it a second thought.

If it was an unusual name, I’d give it more consideration.

OP said it's rare

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Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/02/2024 16:52

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Jaexo · 14/02/2024 17:28

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Not exactly what the post is about, and comments about ‘tempting fate’ aren’t exactly welcome so close to due date as you’ve said. I’ve already lost one baby so I know not everything can go smoothly and would prefer if anyone else has a comment like this to keep it to themselves.
I’ve always said if I had a daughter she would be called that and I’ve triple checked with every midwife if she’s a girl before ordering anything, also I’ve worked with many people who have been pregnant this past year and we’ve all ordered things with our set name before our baby comes, because when she’s born I want her to be wrapped in a blanket with her name on it.
thank you for the last sentence but the rest of it is a little unnecessary.

OP posts:
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Neurodiversitydoctor · 14/02/2024 17:45

Jaexo · 14/02/2024 17:28

Not exactly what the post is about, and comments about ‘tempting fate’ aren’t exactly welcome so close to due date as you’ve said. I’ve already lost one baby so I know not everything can go smoothly and would prefer if anyone else has a comment like this to keep it to themselves.
I’ve always said if I had a daughter she would be called that and I’ve triple checked with every midwife if she’s a girl before ordering anything, also I’ve worked with many people who have been pregnant this past year and we’ve all ordered things with our set name before our baby comes, because when she’s born I want her to be wrapped in a blanket with her name on it.
thank you for the last sentence but the rest of it is a little unnecessary.

Ok as I say hope it all goes smoothly.

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Jaexo · 14/02/2024 17:46

No I’ve thought about it, since I of course knew her baby would be born first and it would feel a bit strange but I’ve always wanted to call her this when I had a daughter, even when I was younger it sounds silly but when I’d play families as a child my daughter would always be this name.
I looked it up and it’s not really gaining popularity so it’s still an unusual name, it’ll just mean both of them have the same. We live on opposite sides of the city anyway so they won’t be in nursery or school together.

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ragdoll12345 · 14/02/2024 17:55

This exact situation happened to me. My friend's baby was born 2 months before mine. Both had the same name, not a problem. They are both now adults and have no contact. I don't have contact with my old friend either. Life moves on, choose the name you want

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ragdoll12345 · 14/02/2024 17:56

Just to add the girls were in the same school too - can't remember if they were in the same class.

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Crunchymum · 14/02/2024 18:54

What is the name? Maybe people can suggest similar?

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