Advice on baby name same as Friend's son

[anof]

Hello,

We love a name so much that we would like to give it to our soon to be born son. But our friends, who are quite close and meet together each week, have a 4 year old son with same name.

Our daughter which is also 4 year old, gets along well with our friends' son and plays together much. She likes the name and wants to name the baby the same name. (our friends' son name, and the name we love).

What do you think from your experiences? would that be a problem for the kids? We asked our friends and they don't have a problem to name our son the same. But would that have negative impact on our son, or confusing the children and our daughter?

I'd would like to hear your experiences.

@CoffeeChocolateWine , you might feel differently if it was your child's name.

It's really not the sort of thing that would bother me. As I said upthread, a friend of mine named both his son and daughter the same as my son and one of my daughters. It didn't bother me in the slightest - we laughed about what great taste in names we both have!

My SIL also gave her dog the same name as my son. I've seen multiple threads about what a no-no this is, but I can't get my head around why this would be a problem for me. It's a nice name; it's a popular name for both humans and dogs; it's a top 20-ish name. If you like a name, use it!

It's a bit mean to say that someone who would mind and would ask them not to is ridiculous.

Wow! That is horrible of you and really childish.

Wow! That is horrible of you and really childish.
I disagree.

There are a lot of names. Don't do it.

For the people who say don't do it and consider it a no-no. I want to hear the "why". I posted this question to really know what's the problem with it, why it's a no-no in your perspective, from experiences or so.. Not talking about emotions or traditions, because this differ from person to person. What negative impacts would it have on children, if any?

My children all have fairly common / classic names, and it wouldn't bother me in the slightest - I think I would probably be quite flattered, if anything. I think if the name is really distinctive then it might be more of an issue, but it doesn't sounds as though this is the case. In my experience children tend to like having the same name as each other and find it quite funny. My daughter's best friend has the same name as her, and they both love it!

I wouldn't, because even if you swear to them that you didn't, they'll think you copied their kid's name. Since you see them often and are close friends I just think it would be weird and awkward and might even damage the friendship.

FWIW, DH and I were considering a name for our second DC, but decided against it because we had friends with a DC the same name. There are thousands of names out there - we picked a different one.

I just think it would be really annoying "Hey, Jack-come here!" "Which one?" Just an easily avoided, unnecessary complication. Why make life more difficult when you do my have to?

*don't have to

And it does look as if you copied. Which is weird.

I agree it might sound a copy if it's a unique or rare name, but in our case it's just classic name which is in the top 20 names anyway.

That can also be solved easily by setting a different nickname.

They say they are fine with it but they will probably start a thread on MN in a minute saying the opposite and they can't believe close friends would copy their name. 99% of people would say they are fine with it when it's sprung on them just to be polite but not so many would be happy underneath.

We asked our friends and they don't have a problem to name our son the same.

Just to address this specific point - what else could they say? They can hardly tell you 'No', because you can name your kid whatever you want! Look, you've clearly decided that you're going to use this name, come what may, but whatever they've said to your face I guarantee that behind closed doors they'll think you've copied their name, top 20 or not.

For the people who say don't do it and consider it a no-no. I want to hear the "why". I posted this question to really know what's the problem with it, why it's a no-no in your perspective, from experiences or so.. Not talking about emotions or traditions, because this differ from person to person. What negative impacts would it have on children, if any?

Because it's embarrassing. Because I like having a classic / underused name myself and I want the same for my child. Because I had a common as muck surname and would rather be known as my first name than FirstnameSurname or some contraction of my surname to differentiate myself from someone with the same name.

You're going to do what you want anyway so I'm not sure why you're asking.

If you'd asked me when I was 4 to name a sibling, I'd have suggested a name of a friend, neighbour or cousin, or a tv character, because they were the names I knew.

Why wouldn't I use the same name as a friend?
Because there are so many names I could choose.
Because neighbours gave their son the same first and middle name as my sibling's and it looked like copying and unimaginative, and my sibling and sib-in-law were not happy with it.
Because my Jack would always be 'our Jack'/'little Jack'/'Jack C.'/'Jack Carew'

@anof "That can also be solved easily by setting a different nickname."

So-you're not actually going to be using the same name at all on a day to day basis?

And, word to the wise, you can't "set a nickname" I tried this- my child had very different and very firm views about the shortening he wanted. Incidentally, so did his sibling and his friends.

But the pp's words were...

My sister had a name that was very similar to my daughters on her list...I told her she couldn’t use it as it was far too similar.

It doesn't say that she was asked; it says 'I told her she couldn't use it'.

And if they were along the same vein as Milly and Tilly then they are not only both extremely popular but they are also different names. I do think it was a ridiculous response!

I think you know it's a weird thing to do because

1. you've started a thread to try and establish just how weird other people find it, to gauge how annoyed your friend will be (because you've clearly decided you're using the name)

2. you've done this weird narrative of how a 4yo wants the name as well. No she doesn't - you've told her you want it, encouraged her to positively think of the baby being called that, so you can deflect "oh, it's what little Sarah wants". You could coax her into thinking AstroBoy was the best name in the world. She's 4.

We had "Big" James who was older and the son of dm friend and "little James" my db

This

Please give your son his own name - he deserves it and he shouldn't be known as little Jack/Tom whatever. Names are meant to identify us. There are thousands of classic beautiful names to choose from.

And your 4 your old should definitely not choose your son's name. She doesn't love the name, she only knows what you told her.

My mum's friend did this and their daughter had same name as me (a top 10 name at that time). It was annoying that they'd shout us and we'd not know which one but became the norm. My mum found it annoying as she used a different one to the one she'd chosen because her friend used that name.
Two people I know used the same name as my eldest (and middle name) it didn't bother me but at the time a few mums said it would have bothered them so I think it depends on your friends attitudeto these things. Could you ask them, choose a different everyday name/nickname?
If I was in this situation I'd just choose a different name because I'm a people pleaser and wouldn't want to upset anyone or risk them saying it was OK when really they weren't.