Seeking advice: Can we use this name or is it too controversial?

[HappyLittleGoat]

DH and I have a favourite girls' name, which happens to be a classic, traditional one. However, we're hesitant because it's also the name of an estranged cousin who physically assaulted my brother. She was under the influence of alcohol at the time and said extremely hurtful and destructive things, for which she has never apologised. Considering the history, should we discuss it with my brother and get his opinion, or is it fine to use the name since it's commonly used anyway?
Or do we go with name #2 that we also both really like, just a little less. How would you handle this situation?

I wouldn’t use it in that situation.

Only possible thing that would change my mind on that is if it was to honour a mother / grandmother etc, then I’d talk to your brother, but otherwise I’d just use the other name.

I'd go with the second option. I'd not want that negative family history hanging over my daughter, first of all, but I'd also do it for my brother's sake.

I couldn’t use a name with that association I’m afraid. Even although it would not be named after that person it’s still a family name that people will automatically think of. Plus, think of your poor brother who may be triggered by that name everytime he hears it,

I wouldn’t

No, don't do it. Put that name in the past.

Go with your second choice.
Your first choice will be forever tainted .

Your daughter , if named after your cousin, may well wonder, in later years, why you chose that name, given the abuse.

I wouldn't, as even though you don't mean it that way, it'll look like you are honouring the cousin by naming a baby after her.

If someone in your family punched you, would you want that name re-used?

No, don’t. There are thousands of names to choose from, so no need for one with any negative connotations.

I'd personally go with the second choice

I agree with previous posters. There are plenty of names in the world without picking the name of the person who attacked your brother (drunk or not).

Go with the second choice, or keep looking. Even setting aside your brother’s feelings, isn’t the name tainted by association for you? And, as a pp said, aren’t you bothered by it looking like a tribute to the violent cousin?

Nah, not worth it. My sister had her heart absolutely set on using a well established popular boy name. But when she was pregnant with her son and I was going through a rough separation with my abuser, she chose not to use it, even though she had always really loved it. I knew she wanted to use it but didn't for my sake for which I'm forever grateful.

Name 2 that you both really like is the best choice. Think yourselves lucky that you can both agree on not one but two names...lot of people can't even do that.

Also....if I was your brother, I wouldn't want you to ask me, because it would hurt me to think you'd even consider it.

If I was your brother and you asked me about this I'd be incredibly hurt that liking a name was more important to you than my experience and you creating an ongoing reminder

Mea culpa. I'm going to put this down to my pregnancy hormones clouding my judgment and move along...

Good decision op!

I would never use a name that’s already in the family, even if they were a good person.

Don’t you just automatically think of her when you hear the name? There’s names I like but couldn’t use because of ‘that bitch’ in school which makes it an instant no.

I know you’d get used to it but if she’s the first person all of your family would think of then it’s probably a no.

Definitely not!!

It would be surprising if YOU didn't think of the estranged cousin whenever you said the name.

Don't use it, your brother would always be triggered.

Personally I very much like or dislike names based on association, so I can't imagine ever liking a name which I had such negative associations with.

However, even though you love this name enough to see past this association, I would consider the rest of your family's feelings and avoid it, especially as you have another name you like enough to consider using. Go for that one.

Second option

why would you want to bring that up for your brother?