Name dilemma… could I even consider using this name combination?

[Babycoming24]

My friend has two children, one of which was very sadly born sleeping this time last year.

The name I love for my child (due in 3 weeks) happens to form a very similar name to my friend’s two children's names when combined. One of the two names is basically the opposite sex’s version of one of her child’s names (think Michael and Michaela) and the second name is the exact name of her other child.

The fact i’m even writing this probably suggests I already know but, is it at all appropriate for me to use the first and middle name combination that I love, considering this situation?

Please be honest but also kind!xx

So she has two children Michaela (living) and Steven (born sleeping), and you want to call your son Michael Steven. Or Steven Michael?

The second option is obviously so appalling I'll assume that's not what you mean.

To me, this (Michael Steven) would be an absolute no. Sure, no one uses middle names in day to day life but she would still know that your child's name had some connection to her son. I'd never be able to look at your child without being reminded of my own dead child, even more so than usual. And I'd wonder why you would do something that so obviously had the potential to devastate me that I couldn't stay friends.

Absolutely categorically don't do this.

please don’t do this.

my DC was stillborn more than a decade ago and I still feel winded when I meet another child with his name.

Had a friend named their living child similarly to my dead child within months of their death I am honestly not sure I’d have coped

I agree, find two other names.

Oh no, please don't do that to her.

Having been in a similar situation to your friend, I do still feel a bit of dread when people close to me are naming babies in case they use my DC1's name. I don't own rights to it or anything, but it would hurt a lot to think about interacting with a child with their name for years to come. If you absolutely have to use that name, I think it would likely irreparably damage your friendship.

So is it that eg she has Michael and Rose and you want to use Michaela-Rose? Even if both her children were living this would be weird.

Yup

I can't quite work out what you mean @Babycoming24 ?

Can you give an example?

If one of my friends used my late dd’s name as a first (or middle) name I would be devastated. Friendship instantly over, but it would have a lasting mental health impact for me. Please please don’t use the name of your friend’s stillborn child.