Is it weird to use the same name?

[msgrouch]

I work for a really small independent company, with an almost non existent staff turnover. There are only about 8 of us, and myself and one other colleague are likely to (eventually) jointly take over the company when the older directors retire over the next few years. (We're both mid-30s, senior management, and have both made it clear we're there long term with this in mind.)

We speak daily, confide in each other on personal matters as well as work matters, and I would say are generally close for colleagues - though we don't socialise out of work much. We live in different towns, and her children don't know me - though we speak about our kids and family life regularly day to day.

I'm currently pregnant with DS1, and our favourite boys name happens to be the same name as her DS.

It's not a super unique name - currently ranking in the 20's of the top 100 where we live. And the kids are unlikely to cross paths often if ever. But I do speak to her every day and am likely to for the next 30-40 years! Is it too weird to use this name, or am I overthinking?

It's not weird, but it is a bit ....unimaginative? I think I'd think you a bit odd if I was the colleague. But of course if that's the only name you love then go for it.

I think it’s perfectly fine. If it was your partner’s colleague, would it put you off using the name?

Myself and a close friend have daughters named the same. They got called big xx and little xxx. It's never been a problem. However, we didn't know each other when the girls were born but I probably wouldn't have chosen the same name had we been close friends then. It's entirely up to you! If you're worried about your colleague's reaction why not drop it into conversation that you love her lo name and let her know you're considering it and see what her reaction is.

I wouldn't do it. The prospect of 30-40 years of my George/your George would be depressing.

there are millions of names you could choose, why do it??

it would have been slightly more understandable if you'd always planned to name your first son after his grandad or something.

if you tell us the name, we might be able to help you choose a different name

That's an interesting point @resm - I think it wouldn't put me off in the slightest if it was my DH's colleague. DH has maybe met this colleague of mine once or twice in passing, just to say hello, and there's been a few basic interactions between them on some of my social media posts - he wasn't even aware that her DS had this name til we were discussing it. So it won't affect his life at all, and won't affect DS, nor my colleague's DS.

But as @JingleSnowmanTree says, the next 30-40 years of "my George / your George" for ME day to day makes me think twice about it, especially as I'm knowingly entering into that! Also potentially other raised eyebrows around the office as it's quite small.

It's not a family name, though it's a name I liked before knowing her or her DS. And her DS is in high school, so they'll be very different ages / stages, if that makes any difference.

If I were your colleague, I wouldn't care in the slightest, but you only have to be on MN for 5 seconds to know how bonkers people can get about other parents using "their" name.

I think I would be concerned that you will permanently damage the working relationship you have with this woman if she has a strong, adverse reaction to you using the name.

I don't think you'd need to say my George/your George most of the time as the context covers it. For example, George didn't sleep well last night, she's going to know it's your George. If you said how is George? You don't need you to add your to it, as she'll know who your talking about. If you asked her when George first did X? She'd know you were taking about her George. If you were reminiscing you might need to clarify, Do you remember when big George did X, little George does that too. If other colleagues are part of the conversation you might need to clarify, but again most of the time people will infer which one your talking about by your relationship to your respective boys and the words used in your sentence.

If my colleague used one of my boys names I'd probably make a comment about great minds thinking alike or how she has great taste in names and that would be it.

I think it would be fine, but I'd definitely casually broach it with the colleague and not just announce it. When they ask about names say 'well actually DH has his heart set on George, and we are struggling to agree on another, I do love it too, but worry it would be weird for you?'

Dropping it into conversation is a good suggestion, but I just don't think she will ask about names - she didn't with my previous pregnancies, nor did other colleagues, so I'd have to go out my way to raise it. I just announced on group Teams channel previously, after DDs were born. I could reference it as part of that... something like, welcoming another little "George" to the company family, or similar, to acknowledge?

I imagine I'd then get a "great minds" or something like that. I don't think the reaction would be so strongly adverse as to impact our working relationship; we've worked together for about 10 years and she's generally fairly chilled as a person. (Though maybe she's just got a good professional front!!) Just worried I'm coming across a bit weird / creepy!!

It’s technically fine, but as your whole planned future rests on a good relationship with this person, this is one of the rare occasions when I wouldn’t. If she’s annoyed it could impact on your plans, which even in a small way, you don’t want.

I would absolutely still choose the name. It’s not like she’s your sister. It would be bizarre for her to be annoyed

With such an age gap it's not something I'd worry about.

'Good morning colleague, husband and I are were discussing baby names last night and 'Bonzo' came up as a name we both love.

You've got a Bonzo haven't you?'

That opens up the lines of communication as to whether she would freak out and cause irrational trouble or not.

If you have other kids, you should definitely feel comfortable using it. Unless she has a Jane, Sue and George and you already have a Jane and Sue it’s honestly perfectly fine.

I think it’s fine especially as her child is a lot older. She’d probably be more sensitive about it if hers was a baby. She’s probably met a lot of other little Balonzes by now.

It's fine, don't be put off a name you love because of work. She might get a new job next week. You might. With great respect to her she sounds like a close-ish colleague you see a lot of through circumstance and no more, not a friend. If it was a very unusual name it might raise an eyebrow but just let her know early saying it's long been your favourite and she will be fine.

I just don't get what the problem is.
If someone named their child same as mine, even if was my sister l wouldn't give two hoots, it's just a name. I didn't realise before coming on here the amount of self importance people put on a name.

I think it's fine too. Her ds is ten years older and you have other children which somehow makes it feel less intense.

And she must know other people with the same name if it's top twenty territory.

I definitely wouldn't ask if she thought it would be weird for her as you are then drawing attention to the fact that it could be. Or that it should be.

yes I think its weird your collegue will think its weird and there will be an air of awkwardness every time you talk about your son.

I think this is fine for a popular name.

A girl at work has a very unusual name - I've never come across it anywhere else at all in my 53 years, and only met a handful of people with a slightly better know variant. A few years ago, 2 people at work (sane dept) gave their babies this name. A year later someone else did. I've checked Dark Greener, and there are fewer than 3 records of this name being used in those years, so possibly all in our office! Whilst these babies weren't named after my colleague, their parents clearly only became aware of the name because of her. She says it's a bit weird, suddenly being in a micro society of where her name is really popular!

For a top 20 name, there will always be a few about. I wouldn't worry about it. I have the odd conversation about "My Tom, your Tom", but so what? What's more confusing is that the graduates I work with have the same name as DH and DD!

Yes, agree with this^^

People can be really touchy about people close to them using the same name. Personally, I think that's silly unless it's something very uncommon like Balonz. But you don't know how she will react I suppose.

Fwiw I ended up using the same name as a colleague's dc but we weren't at all close. I then used his name for my second dc 😬. I genuinely didn't realise until years later. I'd left that company after dc1 was born so it was only when I ran into another colleague years later. Neither was a particularly rare name and they were the only names dh and I agreed on - I'd suggested loads more. But it did make me think I was being weird and unimaginative!

I'd personally ask her first and then it wouldn't be weird at all.

If its a top 20 name there is just as much chance of you meeting someone with a child of the same name anywhere, and it just won't bother you
My Dd's name is the same as her best friend's. Sometimes when I chat to her Mum it's a bit 'my 'S'/ your 'S' ' but other than that I wouldn't give it a thought.

I think it's fine.

I do think it's a bit odd but if you love it - no big deal