Is popularity a deal breaker with a common surname?

[Devilsrollthedice]

We're expecting a baby boy in December and I just don't love any of our boy list at all. The name I am drawn to the most is Henry but we have a very common surname (think Jones level) and I worry that Henry Jones just feels like a name that has existed a million times before.

Part of me thinks we should go with it because we both do really like the name but the other part of me thinks I would hate to have such a common first and surname and be mistaken for others in school and then work etc.

I am a huge name nerd and have dreamt about naming my babies for literally decades and I can't help but feel put out at the thought of ultimately picking something so 'boring' no offense to any Henrys out there - obviously it's a wonderful name but it is is in the top 5 names in our area and it just feels so expected and forgettable. I can find so many girl names I love in the sweet spot of unusual but not weird but struggle with boys.

We have a few other names on our shortlist but ultimately none of them at all stand out to me. I feel a bit sad to think I might not love our son's name and I don't want him to find it annoying being one of many. What would you do? At what point is popularity a deal-breaker to you and would the common surname influence your choice?

For reference, some other names we like are Evan, Ewan, Flynn and Elijah. I do also like Noah but similar issue to Henry. There are a few other names on the list but I know some of them get slated on Mumsnet and I don't want to risk having my opinion of them changed when there are so few names I like as it is!

Ultimately, being drawn to the name is far more important. If Henry feels right, who cares whether it makes for a popular combination?

Day to day he'll just be known as Henry. I really wouldn't get hung up on fearing whether the full name combo could be perceived as 'boring' by others. We don't pick names to please others.

Well I think it’s a classic for a reason, but I understand your frustration.
can you start calling the bump Henry and see if it fits, whilst you keep looking for other names
im sure people here will have some ideas for you too

Pick a name you like. He can always change it when he is older if he wants to be Van Damme.

I gave my three boys, traditional common names, all in the top 10 or 20 in Scotland for decades if not centuries! I think they are beyond fashion so will never go out of fashion IYSWIM. DH and I both have names that are very specific to a certain decade ( and a very common surname) and now sound old fashioned. A lot of names that's are cool now could end up the same.
Interestingly none of the boys had any others with the same name in their class at school right through school.
Another advantage is internet anonymity, which is difficult of you have an unusual or unique name.

DD has common first and last names and I like to think I have given her the gift of anonymity - though not the reason we chose the name, we just picked something we liked.

I see it the other way in that he won't have a lifetime of having to spell out his name.
And I don't think there is anything wrong or weird to have a 'common' name like Henry Smith/Jones/Johnson.

It gives and it takes away. I have to look people up sometimes who have been very naughty. You are not getting away with anything if you are called Chacravorty Spivak. But Henry Jones will get lost in the papers.

That also means that his old school friend, or college girlfriend, won't be able to find him on social media. Which could be sad.

And identity mistakes are much more common. Credit reports etc. Which are a PITA.

I don't think I'm so worried about pleasing others, more a bit disappointed that I don't feel excited about the name which is a shame. It is just the one I come back to from the list if you know what I mean?

My mate is Dave Brown and hates how common his name. We had two lads called John Williams at school and found that annoying.

Don't forget what a middle name can do.

Have you heard of Catherine Jones? Maybe not, but I'm sure you have heard of Catherine 'zeta' Jones.

I'd avoid it. I shared a first name and surname with another girl in my tiny village school and I didn't like it. Also my husband (who also has a common first and last name paring) had letters threatening bailiff action because someone with his first and surname skipped paying a train ticket, and a DVLA database check sent the debt collectors to our house. Maybe not likely, but we'll avoid popular names for our children as a result of it.

Thank you all so much for your insights so far. The anonymity thing has crossed my mind but I don't think any of the names on our list are totally unique/crazy enough to single him out instantly though this is certainly an interesting point to consider nowadays!

@MrsTerryPratchett those are especially interesting insights, I had not considered identity mistakes. I should have since I check registrations for a living and it can be difficult when you have to find a James Smith!

And @Wbeezer I'm with you there, I also have a name specific to a certain decade which is why I am trying to avoid anything too 'trendy' but I do agree Henry is more traditional and less likely to date.

Middle name will almost certainly be Thomas so this is something else that had put me off, it would be three very traditional names in a row!

Wow yes, that would be very scary! Thanks for your perspective, it's really useful.

Sorry, I didn't mean it to come across that I thought you were looking to please others rather than yourself. I understand the disappointment of not having your heart sing when you think of your child's name. I guess I just mean that I don't know why we pressure ourselves to feel 'excited' by a name. So many people struggle to settle on a name for this reason, when in reality a child doesn't need an 'exciting' name.

Henry ticks so many boxes. If it's the one you're drawn to the most, that would be good enough for me.

Popular names are so much less popular than they used to be, it probably wouldn’t be an issue these days. Someone shared this on a thread recently and I found it really interesting https://flourish.studio/blog/baby-name-history-visualised-in-flourish/ basically at one point the most popular names would make up 7/8% of babies named, now even Oliver is less than 1%! According to Dark greener Henry was 0.45% in 2021. So it won’t be like when every other child was named John. I think Henry is a great name, I also like Elijah from your list.

I have a very common name and it has never bothered me. I have had some funny mistaken identity incidents over the years though.

Oh no, don't worry at all! I do have a tendency to worry what others will think but if anything that puts me off picking "weird" names more than "boring" ones. Equally, if I loved a name, it wouldn't bother me if other people didn't, I just don't feel that love!

You are right though, that is a good way to think about it. I suppose if I'm not having that emotional response to any name, I might have to pick a name in a more practical way (is a criteria list too nerdy haha!) and I imagine I will come to love it once it is his name.

My daughters name is Orla Doherty

go anywhere in Ireland and you'd probably find about 20 Orla Doherty's but who cares? We loved the name Orla and that's our last name so we went for it, I don't think Henry is really that common anyway I've only ever met one Henry

Well it’s a nice name

But if you’re a name nerd, I’d have thought you could find something more interesting. If is a single syllable surname then maybe focus on finding a 3 syllable first name?

Wow this is a brilliant article, thanks for sharing! I love the dark greener website, just find all this so fascinating!

It’s great isn’t it! I’m also fascinated with names so enjoyed looking at it. Have you found the interactive tool - https://demos.flourish.studio/namehistory/ it only goes go to 2012 but good to look at how popularity has changed.

Pick a middle name that is fairly unusual.
I know plenty of people with very ordinary names, but if the middle name is unusual, the whole name can be used.

Oliver Pettigrew Jones or Oliver Horatio Jones might be better than being Oliver James Jones (2)

Keep looking .. consider every name under the Sun
Henry Thomas is handsome
Geordie Thomas
Hector Thomas
Willoughby Thomas
Digby Thomas
Wilbur Thomas
Frederick Thomas
John Thomas
Alistair Thomas
Xavier Thomas
Charles Thomas
Augustus Thomas
Sylvester Thomas
Marmaduke Thomas
Quentin Thomas

You will find a name that suits

Henry Jones is Indiana Jones’s name. Indiana was their dogs name but ‘Henry’ liked the dogs name better so took it as his own.

Indiana Jones may not have loved Henry, but I do! And I don’t think it’s all that common anymore.

Sometimes people want what they don’t have, and there is no way to know if that will be your son. I am friends with a Jodi Smith who hates her common name so much she named her kids things like Maverick and Phoenix so they didn’t have the same experience.