Can we use this surname? If so, which order?

[patriciarose]

Due a baby at the end of the year and I am struggling with the surname. My partner has said he would like his to be used and when I asked him how that would be fair for me, he said he understands and isn't saying it should be, just that he would like it to be... so he is quite open to the alternative of double-barrelling.

Issue is, the surname will be so long. Peterson-Brookfield or Brookfield-Peterson... is it ok? Or is it just way too much? I am torn if it's worth using them both. We are engaged and will have this dilemma when it comes to marrying as well, so isn't a case of just giving my surname.

Thank you

This.
I had a double barrelled surname, it was a pain.

Peterson-Brookfield sounds better as it's easier and more natural to move from the N to the B. The other way and you'll end up with people saying Brookfeel-Perterson

It’s fine, one of my friends has a triple barrelled married name (six syllables) and, apart from the occasional issue of squashing it in to a form (less common now everything is online), she’s very happy with it. Your two names are both pretty easy to spell, which makes a big difference, and they sound nice together.

Whatever you do, don’t just give the baby his surname when you’re not even married.

Im a fan of combining names, and yours work really well! Ours sounded terrible mashed together, but the main driver for us was DH already has a child with his surname so we didn’t want to take that connection away. We’ve ended up each keeping our own surname and our child is double barrelled.

It works fine but I would keep the Christian name short and maybe avoid middle names.

Tom Brookfield-Peterson
Kit Brookfield-Peterson
James Brookfield-Peterson

Grace Brookfield Peterson
Beth Brookfield Peterson
Kate Brookfield Peterson

I have some Spanish friends and they all have double barreled names. Eg if Smith Jones married Green Barkley then their children would be Smith green or any combination of one of each parent names. It seems perfectly logical to me and if I was doing it again this is the way I'd go.

Years ago I wouldn't have either. Op definitely do it.

My ds is double barrelled.

He has Spanish in his fathers side and they always use the fathers family name and mothers maiden name.

We chose to do it double barrelled because it works better in the U.K. but it's never been an issue along the generations above him.

Some people spew crap just to get their opinion across they don't like something 🤣

I'm not married and my baby dd has a double barreled surname. We've been together for 6 years but I'm not in a rush to get married. My dd's surname is not as long as your proposed surname though. My name is the second part because we thought his name then my name flows better. I think Peterson-Brookfield sounds better.

I don't see an issue with double barrelled surnames unless someone has a baby and wants to give her her double barreled name, but the dad also wants his surname there too. Triple barreled is too much.

Exactly this. DS has both our surnames (no hyphen), and together they are quite long and not particularly aesthetically pleasing, but it’s not an aesthetic decision— those are our names, therefore together they’re his.

I was looking at his class list just before the summer holidays, and out of 27 kids, I reckon around one third of the children have both parents’ surnames.

And we’re married, but, like virtually every woman I know of my generation, changing to DH’s surname was not ever a consideration.

For those saying what about the next generation- in countries that routinely double barrel, for the next generation both drop part and double barrel again. However the bit that get routinely dropped is the mothers part, so still the male name that gets carried on.

so if Gary Green married Sarah Smith they have James Green-Smith. And John Jones and Helen Harris have a baby Lucy Jones-Harris. If James and Lucy had a baby, their surname would be Green-Jones.

this is why I said put your name first if you double barrel because it feels more natural to drop the second bit if you are dropping half a double barrel or making a new double barrel.

However the bit that get routinely dropped is the mothers part, so still the male name that gets carried on

Not necessarily. These days in Spain, for instance, you can put the mother's surname first, and that's the one that gets carried over (admittedly, this is a newish development but I have two Spanish friends whose kids are named 'FirstName + Mother'sSurname + Father'sSurname')

In Portugal, the mother's name always comes first I believe (no idea if you can reverse these days should you want to).

But in any case 'the family name' is a bit of a non-issue in countries which use both maternal and paternal surnames. It's not the family name, it's the person's name that counts.

The child should have the same surname as the mother.
It makes life easier if you travel. You will get called Ms Childssurname a fair bit. If you split from your partner and have another child, they will have different surnames etc.

Your surname. Double barrel it on marriage if you decide to do the same with your name. But until you do marry, keep the child’s name the same as yours. It’s amazing how getting married gets pushed down the agenda once a baby arrives.

Personally I agree with the pp who said quickie marriage now, names done and dusted and then party later. Then you’ve got the legal protection part done and it doesn’t matter so much when the party inevitably gets left for a decade or dropped.

My DS was born before DH and I were married and being the ardent feminist I am I insisted on double barrelling. DH said it was a mouthful (and at five syllables I agreed) and said DS should have my surname, with his included as a middle name. So that’s what we did.

We’re now married and me and my son still have my surname.

It’s surprising how much push back it can be met with even in 2023 (still have family members sending birthday cards to “[DS first name] [DH surname])” but I’m very happy with our decision :)