Mothers surname or father's

[Justcallmesarah]

Hello,

I'm pregnant with my first and only child. I'm a little uncertain about if the father and I will last and I'm wondering if I should name the baby with my surname.

Are there any implications should I do this? Like would this mean the father has limited responsibilities if it came to caring or child maintenance...

I can't see anything online that would indicate this but hoping one of you lovely lot may know more😊

Absolutely your name.

WOW that's a pretty clear response! Thanks all for your input and sound advice.
I don't know why but I'm going to feel so guilty doing it. I guess traditionally I would have given dad's surname. However we've not been getting on so well and this will be my only child so just wanted to ask the question 💕

Thanks again all x

Why shouldn’t he go on the birth certificate and have parental rights, he is a parent.
No need to give his name but no need to completely exclude him.

Mothers surname!

Even if OP marries in the future she can keep her own surname and always have the same name as her children.

Imo a baby should always have the surname of the mother.

Why? She doesn’t need to change her name just because she gets married.

My husband got a 50:50 chance at giving our child his surname because we were married. Had we not been, the baby I was carrying absolutely would have had mine.

Use your surname
Give the father's surname as a middle name (not double-barrelling, use it as a second forename)

It has no effect on parental responsibility.

Its helpful for you to have the same surname as your child in all sorts of circumstances, and if the relationship doesn't last and you maybe have axsecond child with another man you will want your children to have the same surname as each other.

The father can only go on the birth certificate if he comes to the registry office with you but if he fails to do that it doesn't stop him from being required to take his fair share of responsibility.

I'm not sure that's right.

Traditionally the parents would be married, the woman would have changed her surname, and the baby would be given that shared surname.

Not at all. If the mum remarries she is under no obligation to change her name to the new partner. She can keep hers along with her child or the new man can change his.

We really REALLY need to get away from all blindly following the patriarchal traditions and assumptions of women taking men’s names. We aren’t property.

I'd say definitely your surname because of possibility of travel difficulties.

More important is to not put him on the birth certificate if there is a real possibility he won't be involved in the child's life going forward. As you are not married you are not able to add him unless he attends the registrar appointment so just go by yourself to register the birth.

If he is on the birth certificate he will forever be entitled to a say in important decisions such as school choice and travel and could cause problems in getting a passport. If he is committed to the child he can always go to the courts and apply to be added later. It isn't a particularly difficult process.

You can apply for CMS from him regardless of being on the birth certificate or not. If he did dispute paternity a DNA test would be required which he would have to pay for if he was confirmed as the father.

OP said that she isnt sure that her and the father will last together.

I’m giving her this advice because this is what happened to me. I gave my child my surname and didn’t put father on the birth certificate. i have had no problems traveling or applying for childs passport.

friend of mine added the father on the birth certificate, she cant apply for passport now or travel because he is making it difficult for her on purpose.

If a father wants to be on a birth certificate he can apply later through courts and get bus name on it this is instating paternal rights.

Supplying the sperm js literally the bare minimum task required to become a parent. It doesn't take any real effort does it? She doesn't see the relationship lasting, so why link herself legally even more and have him as an obstacle? If and when he proves himself capable of actual parenting, he can be added to the BC if needs be.

Many thousands of men choose to walk away from their children. Wait and see what he does before giving him legal recognition.

I strongly believe that baby should have their mother's surname. I also think that the father's name should be on the birth certificate.

Use yours, or at least double barrel. Bitter experience here.

Yours. Makes life easier with travel.
You will get referred to as Mrs Child's_Surname quite a lot.

@Livinghappy how did you deal with that at the airport? I am in this situation difference is we are married

@OnGoldenPond whaf if you are married (D word has been mentioned several times) and he doesn’t attend the registrar office? Does he still go on the certificate?

@megletthesecond what is the benefit of double barrel in say travelling/passport etc?

Traditionally, if you aren't married the baby gets the unmarried mother's name.

Think about it, you could not get pregnant and then give the baby the surname of a man who was not your husband.

Example, Dr's, school,passports..if you travel with different names you could face questions at passport control (happened to me).

I've been questioned ably my dc at airports and we have the same name.

In some cultures women don't change their name, airports are used to all sorts of situations.

@Mimi2022 the situation is different in that case. If you are married your husband is legally deemed to be the father of any child you give birth to during the marriage. That means that the mother can attend the registration on her own and have her husband named as father (you may have to take a copy of your marriage certificate, not sure on that).

It also means that a husband can also attend the registration on his own and register the birth of his child without the mother present. DFIL did this when DH was born as they already had one child and children were not allowed in the registry office. He famously forgot the middle names they had agreed so DH only has the first name. He feels very deprived!