When you have a completely different taste in names to your DH

[LucyEleanorModeratz]

Wise Mumsnetters

For those of you who had vastly different taste in names to your DH / DW / DP / other half / baby mama or dada

How did you agree on a name?

As I see it, there are two options:

1. we settle on a name about which we are both ‘meh’, but which at least neither of us strongly dislike; or
2. one of us ‘gets our way’ and the baby takes a name that one parent potentially can’t stand.

Neither option seems attractive in the slightest.

If you’re considering advising us to search longer and harder for names - both of us agree we’ve exhausted the plausible list and there aren’t alternatives!

Thanks in advance x

We had this.

We agreed we could veto. And we each vetoed A LOT. But ultimately one of us settled each time. But I feel I got my way on DC1 which made me more amenable to settling on DC2...

Child 1: we compromised. A name DH liked a lot more than me but that I did like. Then we picked a middle name each.

Child 2: dh had come around to my favourite names from before so they got my favourite name and then we picked a middle name each again.

We were sort of lucky in that we only had one DS and there was one (family name) we both liked and one second name for him. If we had a girl or any more DC it would have been a huge battle to name them! DH doesn't like any girls names it seems- DS is 21 now but at the time I liked flower names - Lily would have been my choice. He was coming up with 70's girls names- baby Joanne/Tracey/Sharon 😂May as well call her Keith!

A name with family significance might work. We didn’t really disagree but we ended up with a first name that was the middle name of my father and also a name of grandfathers on either side and a second name that was the second name that all first sons of first sons had taken for several generations on my husband’s side. Handily - although we didn’t need this - the middle name is Francis so we could have had Frances had DS been a girl

Wait till the child is born.
Call it "Child Who's Lacking In Name" or 'Colin' for short and wait until it's 16 and can pick their own.

Sorted.

We wrote down all our favourite names on small bits of paper and put them in 2 bowls.
First pick from first bowl was first name, second pick second bowl was second name.
And then my daughter was born, the names didn't suit her, so we picked something totally different. #Helpful.

It's a difficult situation! We had very different initial ideas with little common ground. We then used an app - kind of like tinder for names - where you swipe through the names and it tells you if you match with your partner. Although we didn't love any of the names we matched on (some weird names on this particular app), it did help us to see what aspects of names we were both drawn to (e.g. they tended to be 2 syllable, ending in n sound etc). That helped us eventually find a name we both really liked (not one from the app!).

My friends had this and they picked the meh name that neither loved nor hated. It's a perfectly nice name.

I would create a list of three:
One you love that partner doesn't absolutely hate
One they love that you don't absolutely hate
A middle meh name

Then see what the baby looks like when it's born

We went for settling for a name that we both just thought was OK.

It has now grown in him far more than it has on me. My daughter is 4 now and I'm so 'meh' about her name.

I regret not fighting more for my choices tbh.

We were lucky, the day we decided to ttc we picked a girls and boys name, that was 2005. In 2008 DD arrived and we'd gone around the houses with other names but always preferred our 2005 choice. Sane happened in 2012 with DS name

I wasnt keen on our DD name but it was a family name it really suits her now

Looking into the meaning of names and examples of people with those names helped us.

The names we chose are so far from what I would choose on my own! But theyhave beautiful and significant meanings

Also each first name is named after someone (from the bible in our case because we're Christians) that we see as a great example. And each middle name is after a grandparent or great grandparent.

That way I love the names without loving the actual names, iyswim!

Choose a name you both don’t dislike. I didn’t LOVE either of my DS’s names but they suit their names now and I’m happy with our choice.

We sort of had this with DD. In our case we actually have quite similar taste in names, but we just couldn’t agree on ‘the one’. Plus a few of the names I like DP had actually suggested for DSDs when they were born and their mum had said no, which put me off. It’s completely irrational because I love DSDs and get on fine with their mum, but there you go 🤷🏻‍♀️

But I agree with you that neither option is very attractive. DD has ended up with a name that DP likes a lot more than I do, but I did choose her middle name and I’d rather she had a name that one of us loved than one we were both ‘meh’ about. I doubt we’ll have another baby but if we do then it’s my turn to have the final say!

Option 1, it’ll likely grow on you and you don’t want a name that either of you dislikes