Name muddle, advice please

[Pinkrosepetals]

I had a really difficult pregnancy 3 years ago and we couldn’t decide on a name, I was so taken over by stress and my partner vetoed a lot so eventually we settled on a name that I don’t think I gave enough thought to, feel really guilty about this.

The name is long so we started using a shortening alongside the longer version (think Elizabeth to Ellie) and friends and family got on board. More recently as my child’s got older I’ve found a different diminutive suits them much more (think Beth), I also like this shortening more but still feel a wobble about the name in general.

Both are natural diminutives for the longer name but are as different as Ellie and Beth. My child now answers to “Beth” and calls themselves “Beth” but family members haven’t caught on, still using Ellie.

I don’t want to force people to change and have to constantly struggle and also feel awkward and embarrassed so I’ve ended up using the longer name a lot around friends/ family, which I’ve just lost confidence in and so this feels a bit weird.

All made worse by the fact that when I suggested Beth to my very opinionated mother she scoffed and said “ugh no NOT Beth”

I don’t want my child to be addressed by multiple different names, I don’t think. It would be nice to have consistency and I want them to be addressed by the new shortening when starting school. I did think long and hard about switching the diminutive because I knew it would feel awkward, but I do prefer it, I think. Doubting myself now and wish I hadn’t bothered.

feel bad for my child, don’t want them to pick up on any of these feelings I have. what would you suggest, do I force people to struggle through getting used to a new name (albeit a nickname)

Sorry posted too soon!

do I force people to change which is awkward and embarrassing, and also not really working! Or leave it and have my child answer to a medley of different names which also feels unfair on them and confusing? The longer name is just so long for every day use.

She's three. Surely she has a preference. I know my DD was capable of expressing which diminutive form of her name she wanted at that age. Why force your choice on her?

I’ve asked her several times. She doesn’t really answer or gives silly jokey names, she’s not so bothered so I don’t want to transfer the anxiety onto her.

She answers to lots of different names including both diminutives and calls herself lots of different names

Maybe there’s something there though, thanks. Keep using the names and let her choose when she does have a preference

Call her what you call her. She will choose her own preference eventually. Then she/you can ask relatives to use that one.

I have a niece who was (let’s say) always Ellie until she was 11 or so, but she now prefers Elizabeth, so we all try and remember, but occasionally slip up.

I think it will happen naturally as she gets older. My Dd has a 3 letter name so not even one that can be shortened, however, since she's been 7 or 8 her school friends have been calling her a "cuter" nickname version of her name even though it's longer (5 letters). I've asked her if she prefers it or wants us to use it at home but she's adamant I should use her "real name" abd the nickname is for friends only.

I'd call her the version you like the most, and see what happens as she grows up. She'll soon have an opinion. The great news is that she has so many options to choose from. I'm sure she'll love at least one of them. She may also use different versions at different stages, eg if one is more mature

@Pinkrosepetals " She doesn’t really answer or gives silly jokey names,"

It could very well be that she does this because she recognises that this is something that's important to you and wants to get it right.
It's absolutely fine for her to go by more than one name. You call her your choice. Other people will either follow suit or not-eventually she will choose for herself. My son had a "home" name, a "school" name. And a "football" name because it was short and easy to shout. He's an adult now, and uses the "school" name day to day. I still use the home name-and so does his dad and most relations. His sibling uses the "football" name-probably because it's short and easy to shout! I would back off completely and see what happens over the next few years. It's really up to her now!

Thanks everyone this seems like the best outcome - one which I hadn’t really thought of so I really appreciate you all coming back to me

Like @CurlewKate , I was going to say you may find she chooses different names for different settings. I know someone who goes by one shortening at work and in certain social circles, and another with her family. If your DD is anything like my DC, not only will she develop a preference, she’ll make it very clear what that preference is 😂

My name was shortened by my own family when l was very young. Some of my extended family continued to use my full name. They still do at 62!! My dc find it hilarious as they have no idea who they are talking about. My nephew was named Joseph but his own family call him Joe. In his 20s l still can only call him Joseph..
Call her what you want and some will catch on and others won't but when she goes to school a whole class will call her Beth and bit by bit it will spread. Don't stress yourself giving it too much thought.

I think it's fine. That's why I prefer longer names with different shortened versions to choose from.
I had a friend, for example, called Charlotte, who was always Lottie when she was little. Then when she got to about 10, she decided she preferred Charlie better, so that's what she became. People soon adapted.

If you like Beth and she likes it, call her that. As long as she’s happy with it you can also tell her primary school that’s what she’s known as. She’ll decide what she likes and how many names she’ll answer to in time.

It’s not all that unusual to have a couple of nns (I know an Elizabeth who is Buffy to her family, Libby to friends, Elle to her husband, and Elizabeth at work and an Elena who is Lena to family and Lenny to friends)

Name change to avoid outing myself but my son is Matthew. He has been Matt by me as long as I can remember. He is also Matty to some. He prefers Matt best of the three names and that's how he introduces himself but the point is no it's not been confusing for him and it hasn't caused any hassle for him. He's 15 now and quite happy with his name.
So be assured your child will have a personal favourite version of their name too and try not to overthink it.

My granny's name was Ellen, some people called her Nell, some called her Ellen and her sisters called her Eileen! I think it's fine to keep using 'Beth' yourself and when she's older, she can introduce herself as whatever name she prefers. When she starts school they'll probably ask what name she goes by anyway, and you can say Beth if that's what you want!

Izzy or Bella?