Wrong name? (Long…)

[3isthemagicnumberrr]

Urg. Baby is 10 months. Picked a name I don’t like and never wanted because I had pnd and couldn’t find another name. DH wanted this one. I’m struggling to connect (still) but putting on a brave face.

Deep rooted issues related to names. DC1 was called ‘baby’ (by me) until around the same age because she was poorly in nicu and I was scared to bond. Then she died. Writing this I know I’m scared of it happening again (it won’t, this baby is healthy).

I cringe every time someone asks his name. At every baby group etc. Everyone else seems to have accepted his name but me. Although, people still ask what his nickname is, maybe because It’s a weird full name. I’m worried we should have picked something slightly more normal.

I haven’t mentioned this to anyone in real life although DH knows I struggled at the beginning. We had the naming appt at 5w and 6 days because I didn’t want to commit to a name.

I don’t know whether to consider changing his name (but to what…) or just be embarrassed and get over it. Help!

It may be that, if you changed his name, those feelings would still be there, because reading what you've written I don't think the issue is his name at all, but rather, as you've identified your grief and fear because of your loss of your daughter.

Have you accessed grief counselling to see if that would help, or spoken to the HV or GP about the way you are feeling?

Are you happy to share his name here? Is there a nickname you would prefer to use? That would be completely acceptable to use a nn.

I’m sorry for your terrible loss. FWIW I cringe a bit introducing my boys and they’re 8&5 and I didn’t have any trauma. It’s just jarring sometimes to introduce a cute little child with a real human (grown up?) name.

Like PPs said it does sound like it’s more your trauma than the name itself ❤️

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter

Have you had any professional support to help you with the trauma?

You’ve been through a lot OP, accept any help you can get.

I’ve no trauma but still found it difficult to say my DS name when he was little. I used to say baby “name” or little “name” or Mr “name”, or just a nickname. Just felt weird saying it.

So, I don’t think you should assume that it’s the actual name that’s the problem, more that it’s a reminder of a decision that had to be made at a very difficult time.

Thanks for the replies. I had lots of grief counselling with a lovely counsellor and also saw a psychiatrist for a while. This was all pre covid so sessions had to stop (and I felt like they had helped).

@Lululoop part of the problem is that I HATE the associated nicknames (Eddie is the obvious one). DH wanted full name but called Eddie day to day and I took the full 6 weeks to agree to the name because I dislike the nn so much and don’t feel like Eddie will ever feel like my child.

Once I came around to not calling dd ‘baby’ I loved her name. I still do. I want a name I feel proud to say out loud…

Insist on calling him the full name or another nick name that you love.
Not Eddy but maybe ..
Mundo
Woody
Edo
Ned
Edward
Edmund
Edwin

You don't ever need to use the nn. I am not keen on the most obvious nn for my DCs name either and will never use it either. Make sure to insist on his full name being used until it becomes natural to friends and family.

Or choose a less common nn you love. Ted or teddy might also be options adding to the suggestions already given. Guessing it's either Edward or Edmund both are lovely strong names!

I'm so sorry for your loss OP that's terrible. I came to suggest Ted/Teddy too, lovely choices x

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wonder whether some more counselling might be helpful?

You don't have to use the obvious nn for your son if you don't like it. You can call him anything you like- insist on the full name or just see whether another nickname emerges- might not be anything to do with his full name.

I'm guessing it's Edward with the nn Eddie. I've come across an Edward who was known as Teddy. You can use any nickname you feel comfortable with and people will follow suit. So sorry for your loss.

Is it something more unusual like Ethelred? I think if you’re not happy with it you’re entitled to say so to H and come up with a compromise.

@Outdamnspot23 it’s not, but that made me smile.

It’s in the list from @user1492757084 but not Edward.

I like Ted but not sure that’s him. I keep wondering what name suits him better and I just don’t know.

thanks for all the kind wishes about dd, I really appreciate it.