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Original poster

3 weeks to go and SIL used our name

62 replies

Trezelma · 09/05/2023 19:46

just that really, expecting DD1 I have always been open about using a sentimental family name for future DD.. SIL was aware as she knows it is a family name
SIL did not know the gender of her baby, baby arrived early hours this morning and announced baby’s name which is a variation of the name I have picked (think Elle / Ella) not the actual names but that’s how similar they are..

what would you do?

OP posts:
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BarkyMatherson · 09/05/2023 20:53

Name your baby what you like, they may not even suit the name you think you like!

Modda · 09/05/2023 20:58

Use it.

ejbaxa · 09/05/2023 21:22

Use the name as planned.

Undisclosedlocation · 09/05/2023 21:27

Use your planned name.

But feeling aggrieved that SIL has also chosen a variation on a much loved ‘family’ name is a bit unfair. She (or your brother/BIL) presumably have as much of a connection to that past as you?
imo it’s not really something to call ‘dibs’ on!

Greentrees2021 · 09/05/2023 21:29

All of these responses are saying you should do what YOU want to do. I would think of it from the point of view of your future daughter. Do you think there's a chance as she grows up she might not want a similar name to her cousin who will already be similar in age. I have to say I don't think I would have liked that growing up. I'd have preferred my own individual name. Being a mum means not always having what you want but acting in the long term best interests of your child.

HairyToity · 09/05/2023 21:29

This happened to my brother. They hadn't shared the name (it was our Grandads name) and then a few weeks before baby nephew arrived, cousins baby arrived and he used the name. My brother went back to the drawing board, as their kids shared a surname.

I actually prefer the alternate name my brother picked anyhow.

MrsCarson · 09/05/2023 21:31

Use the name you want, we have three cousins with the same name (slight different spellings), all different last names, no one cares, and it's not even a family name, just popular at that time.

cushioncovers · 09/05/2023 21:35

Is it your family name or your husbands family name? Could your SiL have been wanting to use 'the family name' as well but didn't want to say.

Confusion101 · 09/05/2023 21:49

Greentrees2021 · 09/05/2023 21:29

All of these responses are saying you should do what YOU want to do. I would think of it from the point of view of your future daughter. Do you think there's a chance as she grows up she might not want a similar name to her cousin who will already be similar in age. I have to say I don't think I would have liked that growing up. I'd have preferred my own individual name. Being a mum means not always having what you want but acting in the long term best interests of your child.

Just because you would've hated it, you can't say the same for this child or predict what they would like in the future.

I say use it. The names aren't the exact same and nobody owns a name anyway so if you still love it use it

Greentrees2021 · 09/05/2023 21:59

Confusion101 · 09/05/2023 21:49

Just because you would've hated it, you can't say the same for this child or predict what they would like in the future.

I say use it. The names aren't the exact same and nobody owns a name anyway so if you still love it use it

Show quote history

Obviously I can't speak for the future child but I'm just advising the OP to think of some other points of view. Also the shared Grandparents - how would they feel having two Grandaughters 3 weeks apart with very similar names. Could it be confusing or difficult or embarrassing for them? I just hate these threads where everyone says the most important thing is to have what YOU wanted regardless of any consequences or upset. What lesson is that giving your daughter? If it causes upset then it's honouring noone. No particular name is that important.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 09/05/2023 22:08

Use your name. As you’d said, you’ve been open about it.

expecting DD1 I have always been open about using a sentimental family name for future DD.. SIL was aware as she knows it is a family name

If she says anything, laugh at her and say “I’ve always talked about using my family name for my daughter. You knew that. Sorry you chose something so similar, but nevermind. It was your choice.”

And then move on. Your child can have her name as planned.

namechangeasparanoid · 09/05/2023 22:09

Use the name you want. ♥️

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/05/2023 22:12

It’s not your name.

Use it if you want. It’s not unusual for cousins to have similar names.

determinedtomakethiswork · 09/05/2023 22:13

Just use the name and remind her that that was going to be your name anyway.

motherofcontracts · 09/05/2023 22:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ as requested by the OP.

savoycabbage · 09/05/2023 22:15

Definitely use it. I've got the same name as my cousin and it's never been even slightly strange.

Our mothers were pregnant at the same time, I was born first and my auntie said that they had been going to call their baby the same name and my mother said that they still should.

Kisskiss · 09/05/2023 23:10

Use the name.
ps if it’s isabelle/Isabella, definitely use it as they are beautiful names!

Skybluepinky · 10/05/2023 10:34

Use the name u like.

KeepSmiling89 · 10/05/2023 10:38

Just name your child what you want to. Nothing wrong with similar names in families - there are families who give their children names with the same first letter.
We've got a Clare, Carla and Clara in our family (not siblings!) and it's no bother at all.

GoldenGorilla · 10/05/2023 10:41

I have 3 family members with the exact same first name. Not unusual at all in many cultures. It’s fine. I’d respond just nicely congratulating them and saying how lovely they’ve chosen a similar name to the one you’d picked out, the cousins will love having similar names.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 10/05/2023 10:43

Greentrees2021 Why would she be upset at being given a sentimental family name?

Greentrees2021 · 10/05/2023 13:54

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 10/05/2023 10:43

Greentrees2021 Why would she be upset at being given a sentimental family name?

I'm not saying she will and it seems the OP has disappeared anyway. Just I'd hate for someone in my family to "honour" me by all falling out over who will use my name! Honouring someone is a lovely idea but not at the expense of a family fallout over who is using the name!

tikkanaan · 10/05/2023 13:56

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 09/05/2023 22:08

Use your name. As you’d said, you’ve been open about it.

expecting DD1 I have always been open about using a sentimental family name for future DD.. SIL was aware as she knows it is a family name

If she says anything, laugh at her and say “I’ve always talked about using my family name for my daughter. You knew that. Sorry you chose something so similar, but nevermind. It was your choice.”

And then move on. Your child can have her name as planned.

This. If she gets up set you just say you told her it's what you were going to use and she made her choice so 🤷

Pollywoddles · 10/05/2023 13:57

Use it! She only used a variation and even if she hadn’t still, use it!

My brother and our cousin have the same family name and both their daughters have the same name. It’s not a big deal.

Ponderingwindow · 10/05/2023 14:00

I would pick a different name. It’s first come first served on names. You can’t hold one in reserve. It’s best not to announce your plans as it can inspire other people

we have cousins with the same and similar names just from my side and Dh’s side and it is very annoying.