Do you hear Iris and assume rainbow baby?

[LavenderIsNeitherBlueNorGreenDillyDilly]

I’ve name changed as I’m mentioning DD’s name.

Our daughter is named Iris.

She was born after years of fertility struggles/ treatment but not losses so is not a ‘rainbow baby’ as I understand the term.

Her name has a particular meaning for us - but not that one, and if we associated with anything it was the flower rather than the rainbow.

I know this seems like a weird question but since having her the ‘rainbow baby’ link has been brought up to me quite a few times - by a friend who told me she’s only ever come across two others but they were in the rainbow baby group she attends with her daughter. Another time at a class I met another mum who had an Iris and we sort of smiled ‘great name haha’ at each other before she asked me ‘is yours a rainbow too?’ Another friend I met at baby group has since told me she did wonder if we had been through a loss (as she did herself) and that’s why we chose the name. It’s also come up in an online group I’m in.

I just feel a bit uncomfortable that people might assume that when it’s not the case - partly because I don’t want to appear to be claiming something I’m not, and also because it seems unfair to DD somehow.

In all cases the people who mentioned it had experienced loss themselves so perhaps more aware of the term/ connection. And of course the vast majority of people just say ‘lovely name’ or make no comment at all so I’m not saying it’s all the time or anything. I just wondered if it was something people generally assumed or at least wondered when they hear of a baby Iris, or if I’m way overthinking it.

Iris is the Greek goddess of rainbows so I do associate the name with rainbows but I wouldn't assume a girl with this name was a rainbow baby.

What has Iris got to do with rainbows?

This ‘rainbow baby’ thing is a bit odd to me. How long does said baby have to be saddled with this? Are they defined by a previous loss indefinitely?

Oh I did wonder what the connection to rainbows was.

What has Iris got to do with rainbows? It's a flower not a colour.
I wouldn't make that connection at all.
I don't understand the connection.

Oh just read @bitingcat 's post.
Learn something new every day...

My 4yo DD is also an Iris. I have never had anyone mention or ask about her being a 'rainbow baby'. She isn't. Although my older DD is. People will sometimes refer to the lovely meaning of the name - rainbow or goddess of the rainbow - but never assume (openly) that she must be a rainbow baby. We chose it because it's my favourite flower and we had lots of irises at our wedding. Plus obviously we loved the name.

No I wouldn't think of that at all. I know the meaning of Iris is rainbow and I love that about it, but I would associate that with rainbow babies.

Would not associate that... Sorry

Thanks all, that’s reassuring.

The rainbow association is that Iris was the Greek goddess of the rainbow I think.

I should clarify that nobody was being unkind when they mentioned it and in context the conversations were a bit less abrupt/ inappropriate than I’ve probably made them sound -

Friend 1 was complimenting her name, I said it was funny I’d never come across another but as is probably always the way since DD was born I’m hearing it much more often, she said she had only come across if a couple of times, I asked if she meant at school (she’s a teacher) and she said no it was ‘at group’. I know that this means her rainbows group as she calls it.

The lady at the baby class - again it was in context in that it was an art class thing where you got to make a keepsake - which happened to be a rainbow footprint, so the conversation kind of stemmed from that, ‘how funny there’s two Irises in the class, well she was the goddess of the rainbow, oh yes I’d heard that too sort of thing.’

It’s clear it’s me overthinking it! Hormones probably.

No I wouldn't think that. To be honest, I didn't even know of the link before reading this thread.

Never made the connection. Iris is a flower and most people I know have named their DD Iris if it was an older relatives name to continue the family tradition. Nothing to do with rainbows. The concept of a rainbow baby is very new I think and Iris has been used as a name for at least a hundred years because of being a pretty flower.

My sister's child is an Iris - and as it happens she is a rainbow baby, born after a miscarriage. However the name was going to be used for their first child if that had been a girl, or for the baby they lost, so I don't think there is any significance to the name - and I hadn't ever thought about it until I read this post.

I didn’t even know what a Rainbow baby is until recently and I apparently have one!
To be honest it’s not a term I would ever use as DD isn’t defined by the baby I lost before her. However, as we all grieve differently I appreciate it might help some people to use it

This is also probably what I’m sensitive about.

The term rainbow baby wasn’t in use when I was a child, but there was a lot of tragedy in my own family and my parents had a baby girl before me who very sadly died when she was just a few hours old. I then went on to lose both my parents very young.

Probably I’m being a bit oversensitive to the idea of DD being defined by that association - which isn’t even true in her case.

Like I say - overthinking!

I can see how the idea of a rainbow is helpful and comforting to many bereaved parents and I know that at least some of them want to chose a name that reflects that.

Not at all. It's a gorgeous name. Love it

No, and I think it very unfair / rude / personal of people to ask. Beautiful name btw.

It would never have crossed my mind. And I have a 'rainbow baby'. It's a lovely name.

Iris is my favourite flower and one of my favourite names. I don't think"rainbow baby" at all.

Congratulations x

Nope! I've never heard of the name Iris being used in connection to the term 'rainbow baby'. When I hear 'Iris' I think of the beautiful blue/purple flowers.

Not at all. I know lots of little Irises because it was one of the Granny names being revived 10 years ago - nothing to do with previous losses.

I hate the term too. I had a stillbirth and it wasn't a storm, it was a tsunami that ripped my world apart.

I wouldn’t make that association myself. I just think of flowers and my great aunt Iris. It’s also a weirdly personal question to ask. I had two early losses before my son but I’ve never described him or thought of him as a rainbow baby. I think if someone asked me if he was one I would say no.

No I wouldn't. My association is with the beautiful flower

It's a lovely name, and I wouldn't have associated it with rainbows, though I know the connection. However, I've never heard the term Rainbow Baby until this thread.

Eyes, Murdoch, Flowers, yes. Rainbows, no.

No never heard of that before, I just associate it with Judd Apatow's daughter.