Changing name when SO against it

[Sydneygirl123]

Hello! We had a baby girl 4 months ago, and I really struggled to pick out a name. I was experiencing burnout at work and was just feeling very frazzled in the lead up to birth. We ended up picking Mia after LOTS of deliberation, but I now really don't think the name suits her and want to change to Isla. My SO is against changing as he says he's bonded with the name Mia, but whenver I hear it being spoken, I really cringe (no offense to the name at all, it's just what I've got in my head). Feedback from family is that the names are similar, so just live with Mia - but I can't shake this now. Any advice?

Isla is much nicer than Mia in my opinion, but they are both very popular names.
You can change the name up to 1 yr old, but if the father is on the BC, you'll need his consent.

Were you pushed into accepting his choice of name?
If you really don't like the name, won't your DD pick that up?
Better to change it now, IMO, but I suspect that it's not the name that's the issue.

Honestly OP, in many years on this board I have never seen a name regret thread which wasn’t ultimately a red flag PND. I don’t wish to dismiss your feelings as they are valid but there’s a really good chance that this isn’t about the name, and if your partner feels strongly that they don’t want to change then their feelings are valid too and you can’t steamroller them.

How are you feeling otherwise?

I agree. It's a symptom of a much bigger problem and if you changed her name you'd likely obsess over something else because ultimately the name isn't the problem.

I'd advise you to seek help and get support rather than change her name.

Ultimately, it has to be a joint decision, really.

It seems unlikely that Mia wouldn't suit her but Isla would? They are similar sounds and styles, if that sets your mind at rest.

Would your partner agree to add Isla as a middle name (or an extra middle name)? Then you can set your mind at rest that if your daughter prefers that name when she's older, she can use it.

Personally I prefer Mia to Isla as Isla is fast becoming one of those super common names at the moment.

But that aside, I do also agree with your DH. I find it a bit odd to change a baby's name when they're already born and have had it for some time, and even more so if both parents aren't in agreement. I'm not surprised he's bonded with Mia, I also have a 4 month old DD and if my DP changed her name now I would really struggle to not see her as her current name, I'm not sure that would ever change. In my case there were actually other names I preferred but that IS her name now. She's her own person and that's her name.

I don't think it's really about the parent getting to use their favourite name past that initial point and I also don't think a name can "suit" a young baby. A baby is a baby, you don't know if their name suits them until they grow up and develop more of a personality, and even then it's just a name. I think people feel like a name doesn't suit their baby when in reality they are just a bit hung up on whether they personally like the name enough to want to use it.

@aSofaNearYou , both names are super-popular, and Mia has been very popular for about 20 years, and there are lots of Mya/Mila, Maya, Maia type names. Similarly, names like Ivy and Lila, Mila etc sound like Isla.

Isn't Mia Mee-ah, which doesn't sound so similar to Isla (eye-lah)

Yes they're both popular but personally I encounter far more Isla's, it's gone down the Evie route (which was my favourite name but the oversaturation put me off).

@aSofaNearYou , I still like Eve and Evie, but not the similar-sounding names like Eva, Ava, Ivy, Edie, Evelyn.
It seems like most of the current names are a jumble of vowels and one or two consonants, typically L or V.

Isla and Mia have been overused IMO.

Over the years, it seems like there's a space of a few years where everyone having a baby seems to use the same name (Rebecca, Molly, Chloe, Sophia,... or Jack, Harry, Theo, Noah...) so the names become dull.

This happened to me, also with wanting to change with Isla. I really struggled with it for about 9 months, and DD has a really lovely name!

It's interesting that PP said that it can be a symptom of PND. DD is 9 now but I'm absolutely certain that I had undiagnosed PND (I never sought help, just struggled on) for quite some time.

Eventually the obsessing over the name change stopped and I'm really pleased I stuck with what we had.

They are both very popular, perfectly nice, and quite similar names, so it seems surprising you’d feel so strongly about changing them.

I think PPs might be right when they say it’s PND.

Both are nice names though if you dislike so much that it is affecting the bonding your husband will have to agree with a new name, to be fair.

Can you add a second name to your child's name and sometimes call her that.

They’re both totally run of the mill, at least 10 in every school, names.

I prefer Mia, personally.

I don’t think your anxiety is really about the name. I hope you’re ok in yourself.

I became obsessed with my DD's middle name and cringed when people used it/ I saw letters come in from the hospital using it etc. My DH was easy going about the situation and didn't object to my suggestion of changing it when she was around 6 months old, so we went ahead.

Tbh I can see much clearer now and probably wouldn't have bothered changing it if I felt ok like I do now. I kind of wish I'd kept it. I wouldn't go as far as to say I had PND, but it can be difficult to see clearly at your stage post partum and issues can seem huge, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Both names are lovely- if it makes you feel better (and your DP is supportive of the decision) just go for it- both names are honestly lovely and you won't think about it much after some time has passed one way or another.

I should also add my DD is almost 4 now and I haven't really thought about the issue since she was about 9 months old.

Thanks so much everyone - really appreciate your responses. Spoke to hubby and he was very understanding, and also going to chat with someone about the name fixation to check it's not PPD or anxiety, which tbh I think it very well could be. Appreciate your support and options