Middle name in memory of someone but it also happens to be husband’s sister’s name

[Dilemmaemmaaa]

We have one child already. Husband’s sister is much younger than us, single, no kids etc and isn’t interested in our son at all. She didn’t even come to his first birthday party and has now moved much further away so we don’t see her at all. My dilemma is, for years before meeting my husband I always had it set in my mind that if I had a girl the middle name would be the name of my close relative who died when I was young. Then met my husband and his sister is called that name 🤦🏼‍♀️ Do I use the name anyway? (but don’t want anyone in his family thinking it’s after her as we literally don’t see her at all). Do I use the nickname version instead as the middle name so it’s not the same name?

Do whatever you are happiest with.
You have reasons for using the middle name, so use it - either as the full version or the nickname. Whichever you prefer.

The family will likely assume you’ve named after his sister, just depends how much that bothers you

I would do it.

If you like, you could use two middle names and have the name as the third name.

I wouldn't worry about what the family thought, all the same. I used a name for one of my DDs that had wonderful associations for me, while exH's family had different associations altogether. Their problem, not mine.

If it bothers you what the family will assume, could you not just say when she's born "this is Beth Lucy, Lucy after my late aunt" or something.
It wont be a big deal to anyone else

What's the name and maybe we can think of some nice alterations for you if it bothers you.
Otherwise go with what you wanted originally and make it clear when anyone asks.. we've named her 'first name, middle name' after my nan

I wouldn't as it would bug me too much if DH's family thought they were named after his sister.

The thing is, even if you use the shorter version or something very similar there’s still a risk that people will assume you’ve named her in honour of DH’s sister, so you’ve got to decide whether some people thinking that will really bother you. Are they the kind of family to bang on about it?

My daughter's middle name was in memory of a girl I grew up with and died suddenly at 22.
My sis-in-law said it was lovely that I had taken her daughters' name - she was soon told no it wasn't!! and the spelling was not even the same!! Cheeky mare!

Do you need to tell them ?
Just wondering as two members of my family have no middle name (even though they are christened )

Will they even know? I don't think I know anyones middle name unless I get one of those birth announcement cards. If you're just telling them verbally just don't tell them or tell them who she is named after.
I think if you like the name and its only them thinking that, then you should keep it

Sure.

Just explain it’s after your friend if you are worried what your ILs will think (although it doesn’t matter what they think.)

Just use it! When announcing the name mention that it’s in memory of your relative.

Use it, in the full version you've always dreamed of.

It's a win/win really.

Your family will understand the reason automatically, others you can tell. And even if people assume the sister, what's the harm in that? You can just say it's a happy coincidence

@2tired2bewitty its his dad I’m thinking will try to say something as if it is. He can clearly see she shows no interest in our little boy but he turns up at Christmas/birthdays etc with a present he’s clearly just thrown in a bag and says ‘that’s from your auntie’. It’s not, it’s from him but he wants it to look like she’s not as shit as she is 🤔 I have a sister so I’m almost thinking maybe I just name her after her instead but I really wish I could just use the name

Just use the name then. You're over thinking this. Use the name, explain its after your family member. That's all there is to it

Was your relative usually known as the nick name version? Presumably it’s not a nick name that SIL uses? I’d be tempted to go for that.

I know it would really annoy me in that scenario if people thought the name was after SIL.

the only thing I hate is when my child’s full three names are written down, the last two names are just his sisters full name. It’s her first name and last name so I think the fact they have the same second name makes it even more obvious 🙈

Add another middle name and put it between that name and the last name? Both my kids have 2 middle names.

One of mine has a name given after a late relative but also has very close links to other members of my family and close relatives of dh's family. At first I was adamant that I didn't want anyone assuming that they were named after any of the living relatives but really as time wore on it wasn't an issue. We know who they are named after, they know too and anyone who has asked knows. What I saw as a potentially huge issue just didn't matter once baby was here and the name just became theirs. Use whichever name suits you and correct in the beginning and then leave others to their own conclusions after all you and those important to you will know the truth.