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Calling the shots on the middle name?

14 replies

Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 17:43

My husband vetos most of my ideas and really limits me to my most 'sensible' suggestions. He gives very few/no suggestions himself. For the first name, I appreciate we both have to like it equally and therefore will compromise and agree to something that ultimately wouldn't be my first choice but will work. Am I a dick to pull the whole 'I'm carrying the baby and pushing it out and letting you veto almost every first name I suggest, therefore I'm picking the middle name'? 😬

The name I want to use is a name he does like (he says 'it's a cool name') but says is 'a bit too much'. It's nothing crazy, just not a top 200 name. I wouldn't use a name I know he hates. Are my hormones getting the better of me and do I need to just settle down?

OP posts:
PollyPeter · 30/11/2022 19:20

I have a vaguely similar situation in that I am agreeing to DHs preferred first name as he doesn't like my choices and while this name would never have been on my list its a perfectly good name that I can live with. But I am saying that for middle name he then has to be the one accepting my preferred choice. I don't think it's being a dick, I think it's fair to both compromise within the boundaries of neither party absolutely hating any of the chosen names.
Middle names are not used much so from your husband's perspective he shouldn't feel the need to worry too much over it but from your perspective you get the opportunity to use a name of your choice.
Good luck!

dream28 · 30/11/2022 19:29

Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 17:43

My husband vetos most of my ideas and really limits me to my most 'sensible' suggestions. He gives very few/no suggestions himself. For the first name, I appreciate we both have to like it equally and therefore will compromise and agree to something that ultimately wouldn't be my first choice but will work. Am I a dick to pull the whole 'I'm carrying the baby and pushing it out and letting you veto almost every first name I suggest, therefore I'm picking the middle name'? 😬

The name I want to use is a name he does like (he says 'it's a cool name') but says is 'a bit too much'. It's nothing crazy, just not a top 200 name. I wouldn't use a name I know he hates. Are my hormones getting the better of me and do I need to just settle down?

IMO, he is being a dick by not suggesting new names. You are not being dick by insisting to choose middle name, because after all, he is basically insisting on one type of names for first name.

I wonder what kind of name is too much, but still in top 200.

Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 19:30

dream28 · 30/11/2022 19:29

IMO, he is being a dick by not suggesting new names. You are not being dick by insisting to choose middle name, because after all, he is basically insisting on one type of names for first name.

I wonder what kind of name is too much, but still in top 200.

I said it's not in the top 200.

OP posts:
Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 19:32

dream28 · 30/11/2022 19:29

IMO, he is being a dick by not suggesting new names. You are not being dick by insisting to choose middle name, because after all, he is basically insisting on one type of names for first name.

I wonder what kind of name is too much, but still in top 200.

Pressed post too soon!

But thanks, yes I agree he's being a bit of a dick for making no suggestions πŸ˜…

OP posts:
DPotter · 30/11/2022 19:37

My DP refused any sensible discussion regarding names - suggesting silly names so I stopped mentioning any. After our DD was born, he became much more sensible and focused and we had a first names and a middle one by the time she was 3 hours old. And yes both were names I had previously suggested.

Interestingly we had agreed the child's surnames (mine) within a week or 2 of finding out I was pregnant, with no disagreement at all.

I don't panda to the 'you make suggestions and I'll veto' malarkey in any aspects of our relationship. We will discuss or it's up to me.

DuchessOfSausage · 30/11/2022 20:05

Leave pandas out of it

NameChange30 · 30/11/2022 20:10

Whose surname will the baby have?
Did you change your surname to his when you get married?
The kind of dickheads men who veto every name suggestion are usually the kind who completely take it for granted that the child gets his surname.
Let me guess, he wants a middle name from his side of the family too?
Perhaps you could change your surname back and give baby your surname, then let him choose whatever middle name he wants?
Oh and enough of the vetoing without making any suggestions of his own. He doesn't suggest any, he doesn't get to rule out any of yours.

DPotter · 30/11/2022 20:36

@DuchessOfSausage

Leave pandas out of it

My apologies to the pandas !

oh for an edit button..............

Wakk · 30/11/2022 20:37

Is it Orinoco or Zebedee?

toastofthetown · 30/11/2022 20:42

Can you each pick a middle name?

Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 20:43

toastofthetown · 30/11/2022 20:42

Can you each pick a middle name?

Nah, DH thinks two middle names is OTT too πŸ™„

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Algor1thm · 30/11/2022 20:43

NameChange30 · 30/11/2022 20:10

Whose surname will the baby have?
Did you change your surname to his when you get married?
The kind of dickheads men who veto every name suggestion are usually the kind who completely take it for granted that the child gets his surname.
Let me guess, he wants a middle name from his side of the family too?
Perhaps you could change your surname back and give baby your surname, then let him choose whatever middle name he wants?
Oh and enough of the vetoing without making any suggestions of his own. He doesn't suggest any, he doesn't get to rule out any of yours.

Yes we all have his surname. Didn't think of using that as a bargaining chip, so thanks!

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Luredbyapomegranate · 30/11/2022 22:15

Buy him a baby name book and some postits. Tell him you want a list of 10

Algor1thm · 01/12/2022 07:29

Luredbyapomegranate · 30/11/2022 22:15

Buy him a baby name book and some postits. Tell him you want a list of 10

He would give them but they wouldn't be serious suggestions. For example, he said a name the other day and I thought actually I quite like that. Added it to my list only to bring it up again a week later and he was like, oh it's a cool name but I wouldn't actually use it. I wasn't being serious πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

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