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Original poster

Name a baby after an ex ?

28 replies

NH87 · 26/09/2022 13:41

Hi Everyone. Straight forward question. I’ve been married to a lovely man 10 years, together almost 13 years. Before him I was in a same sex relationship with a woman who lets say was my first love but it was less than a year, toxic and ended badly. I did love her but not as much as my husband. I was young etc We were talking about baby names recently as we are hoping to try soon and I came out with the name Catherine which is my ex’s name which I love and he also said he really liked. I didn’t immediately click til about an hour later and I was like oh my god! I brought it up to him and apologised for even suggesting that name and he was like ahh it’s ok I didn’t even realise! He said he connects the name to Zeta Jones or Williams wife! Lol (his words) Thing is, if he had mentioned his ex’s name I’d have been shocked probably. I just love the name Catherine Iris. I really have my heart set on these names if we do have a girl as we are hoping to try after Xmas. There’s no guarantees we will even have a girl and he likes the name Andrew Scott for a boy due to his Scottish heritage. I might even be off that name by then. I also like Jacqueline but prefer Catherine. There’s really NO connection to my ex. I haven’t seen her for years, never ever think of her it really is just the name. Is it disrespectful to my husband or any daughter I may have? I just shocked myself for saying that name and not immediately not putting the two & two together. Thanks :-)

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Kite22 · 26/09/2022 13:44

With a relatively common name like that, I wouldn't think twice - especially as you dh is happy with it.
Slightly different if it were a really rare, 'out there' sort of name where she was the only person anyone had met, with that name.

Puppers · 26/09/2022 13:48

So you don’t want to name the baby after your ex. You just like the name and it happens to also be your ex’s. If you and your husband are both ok with it then what’s the issue?

One of my DC is named after my grandad. It happens to also be the name of an ex. We don’t make that connection at all, despite it being a fairly uncommon name. Maybe other people who know me (i.e. friends who are aware of the ex but not my grandad) have privately judged or made assumptions. I neither know nor care.

Alarm59 · 26/09/2022 13:52

Is that you Adam Levine?

jokes aside, don’t do it. My dad insisted on my name , it was the same as an ex. My mother somehow went through with it but was forever bitter about it. I find it weird and changed it in my twenties.

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 14:00

Thank you :-) I know family members of mine will make their own sly assumptions should that ever happen but yes you’re right, I don’t care! Lol

OP posts:
Sandysandwich · 26/09/2022 14:04

I think its fine and if your partner doesn't mind then its not that weird

If you wanted to make it a bit more seperate you could spell it the other way or use a different diminutive- so if she was Catherine who sometimes went by Cath or Cathy,
Maybe you could use Katherine and use Kitty/Kate/Katie/Kat
But thats not necessary for you to use the name.

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 14:09

Haha no but the name Adams nice! Sorry Lol! All I can think about is babies we celebrate our anniversary in 2 days and are hoping to try very soon it’s all my mind is focused on :)

OP posts:
Dreamingcats · 26/09/2022 14:14

If it's not a problem for you and your husband then no problem.

I have an ex whose name I would never use, and my husband would also never use. This ex had too much of a traumatic influence on my life. But if it was the name of a teenage love who I haven't thought about in over a decade? No problem.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 26/09/2022 14:16

Just use one of the many otter spellings - Kathryn, Katherine, Catharine etc to separate her from your ex.

Lou98 · 26/09/2022 14:34

If your Husband doesn't mind, then it's not an issue! It's a lovely name

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 26/09/2022 15:04

I mean if you're fine with it and your husband's okay with it I can't see a problem. I'd secretly ponder if you were truly over your ex though and I'm not sure I'd like having the name of my mother's first love.

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 15:15

We mutually decided on the name Iris as it’s our wedding song but couldn’t decide on a first name. Maybe Zeta Jones, Williams wife as my hubby said lol all over the news and hearing it on The Suspect ITV made me go ooh they sound nice together, but I honestly didn’t connect the dots til I was reading what the meaning of the name meant as well as looking at baby things…then I thought ooohhh.My husband is so lovely, never makes a fuss that’s I why mentioned it first and he seemed fine but if he really didn’t want it of course I’d respect his wishes but he’s just so laid back I never get his whole opinion! Lol. If anyone’s been named after an Aunt or Nana and it has a not so good connection as in a nasty auntie or someone who got the name first and that made the family bitter please share with me I’d really like to know. That’s also happened in my family :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 15:16

And yes I really am over my ex, she and my husband met before we married and that was 10 years ago and I’ve had no contact since then. Nothing at all

OP posts:
Beachs · 26/09/2022 15:56

What about Cathleen instead

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 15:58

That’s pretty :)

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 26/09/2022 15:59

I wouldn't do it personally. Is there any chance she'd ever find out?

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 16:12

No had no contact at all for a decade

OP posts:
Penguinsaregreat · 26/09/2022 16:21

It’s a beautiful name so if your dh is fine with it I would use it. Definitely don’t change the spelling, that would just be cumbersome for your child.

Original poster
NH87 · 26/09/2022 16:29

yeah I think so too :) dunno if it’s cos maybe some people know my “ex” has that name and let’s face it people love to gossip and would say “ hmm not over her ex” ha ha dunno why I worry

OP posts:
dizzydizzydizzy · 26/09/2022 16:35

Ah I love that name too. Can't remember why we didn't use it.

It's fine, OP. Your ex doesn't have unique privileges to the name.

Belladonnamama · 26/09/2022 16:35

My friend called two of her sons after two of her ex boyfriends. One of the ex boyfriends is her brothers best friend. I always found it a bit weird.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/09/2022 08:37

It’s a very common name, it sounds like you like it rather than are naming her after your ex

I possibly wouldn’t though.. it’s fine now, given it doesn’t bother your partner.. but it’s the sort of thing that could be a weird thing if you go through a rough patch later (as one inevitably does).

I’d start to build a list of other names a d something will pop out

bloominglovelyorange · 27/09/2022 09:23

Absolutely fine to use the name
it's a lovely choice
if your family or friends make the connection it'll be short lived as they'll soon associate the name with your daughter and not someone from decades ago!

babyjellyfish · 27/09/2022 10:24

All my exes have nice names. I don't think I would have ruled any of them out for that reason, unless it was a really unusual name perhaps.

Original poster
NH87 · 27/09/2022 11:40

My husbands last two ex’s are my name and his mothers name ha ha

OP posts:
spiderlight · 27/09/2022 14:21

I'd use a different spelling, or what about Caitlin?

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