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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Surname for our son

18 replies

SquigsC · 12/07/2022 20:13

Hello all!

Our first son is due August 2 and we are struggling with a surname for him. My partner and I are engaged but not married, so have our own surnames - and have never quite known how to approach the surname thing when we get married.

How important are surnames on the birth certificate? Double barrelling our name is difficult because his surname is my dad’s first name (which would mean our surname would be my dad’s whole name) and my name has a lot of s in it and my partner has a lisp.

The easiest thing would be to give our baby his father’s surname - but saying the worst would happen and there was ever a custody issue - would anything be affected by us having different surnames? I’d like to feel connected to my boy. Once my partner and I get married we’d like to blend our surnames… but obviously baby will be here by then!

any help is appreciated

OP posts:

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HerRoyalHappiness · 12/07/2022 20:14

Why not decide a completely new surname that your baby can have and then when you get married you and DH change to.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/07/2022 20:15

Custody won't be impacted by surnames but I agree, you shouldn't just give his name! Why don't you choose a new family surname and change them now? Don't need to wait until you're married

midairchallenger · 12/07/2022 20:16

Baby has mum's name. That's the easiest option and also traditional.

If the two of you adopt new surnames later then you can update your child's name too at that point.

Problem solved.

MolliciousIntent · 12/07/2022 20:16

Give your baby the new family name and change both of yours by deed poll at the same time. No need to wait til you're married.

Pink15 · 12/07/2022 20:16

I've got a few friends who have used the woman's last name as the baby's middle name, and dads last name as the surname

Twizbe · 12/07/2022 20:19

If you're plan is to blend the surnames then give that blending to the baby now (if the wedding is booked) then partner changes his name by deedpoll before the wedding and you take his name on marriage.

Either that or baby has your name until you're married. You should re register the baby after your married anyway so can change their name then.

You could double barrel with the dad name issue, but the s and the lisp might be a bit cruel to your partner.

If you're not married baby takes your name.

Or get married quickly in the next week or so.

NameChange30 · 12/07/2022 20:20

I would usually strongly advise giving baby the mother's surname (married or not) but in your case I'd make an exception because of this:
"my name has a lot of s in it and my partner has a lisp."

Given that you're planning to blend your names anyway (after getting married) I would create the new blended name now so you can give it to your baby.

Alternatively, is there another surname from your side of the family - your mother's birth (maiden) name for example - that would work better with your partner's surname as a double barrel?

RedWingBoots · 12/07/2022 20:23

When you finally get married you will need to re-register any children you have had prior to marriage with the same man

So give your son your last name, and then when you get married give him the last name you as a family have decided to all use.

Lazypuppy · 12/07/2022 20:25

Surely give baby your name until you are married

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/07/2022 20:26

midairchallenger · 12/07/2022 20:16

Baby has mum's name. That's the easiest option and also traditional.

If the two of you adopt new surnames later then you can update your child's name too at that point.

Problem solved.

This.

Narcheska · 12/07/2022 20:28

your name. You can change it when you get married. I was engaged with DS1 and was completely blindsided when ex left me. Giving Ds his name was a mistake

dementedpixie · 12/07/2022 20:37

Can you not just give the baby the blended surname?

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/07/2022 20:50

Just do whatever you’re planning to do when you get married - if that’s create a new blended surname, do that.

Or if you think a split is likely double barrel. The fact that his surname is your Dad’s first name is irrelevant.

SuperCamp · 12/07/2022 23:06

I wouldn’t create unnecessary paperwork for your child in the future by giving them a permanent name that wasn’t on their BC.

Blending your names is a great way forwards.

You are becoming a family on the birth of your child so all take that name then, rather than on marriage.

What a lovely way to celebrate the birth of a baby.

KirstenBlest · 13/07/2022 10:45

What @midairchallenger posted. Your surname, and you can change it if you marry the baby's father. You could use the father's surname as a middle name

Something like Oliver Thomas Smith, grandson of Tom Smith and son of Jason Thomas would be ok

SycamoreTall · 13/07/2022 11:52

As others have said, you have to re-register the baby if you get married anyway.

So focus on what works for you right now, knowing that there is an easy point at which you can change the baby's last name anyway.

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/07/2022 16:34

The easiest thing would be to give him your name, and that’s definitely your best bet. It’s what’s actually traditional, children of unmarried parents getting the dads name is a pretty newfangled idea. Should you decide to change your name on marriage you can change both of you then.

BerryTree1 · 13/07/2022 16:48

The easiest solution is to give the baby your surname.

The next option would be double barrelled.

Do you really think that if you had a lisp your partner would be thinking so deeply about surnames? Highly unlikely!! It's always the woman trying to justify why she wants her baby to have her name. Never the other way round.

Give the baby your surname. Lots of women don't change their surnames when they get married so consider that too.

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