Cold feet over name choice - help!

[Daybyhour]

I am pregnant with my first and likely only. Baby is arriving any day now! We don’t know the sex of the baby and picked boy and girl names. For boys name from the start we decided we would call baby after my dad with second name DH dad and DH surname. So baby called after both grandads. My dads name is Bryan. We are very close and he is a wonderful person who I know will be very touched and honoured by the name choice.

I was very happy with this decision which was made before we even got pregnant and we never even looked at any lists of boys names. However now birth is imminent I am starting to doubt myself. I like the name and it’s lovely with our surname but I worry we should be giving baby their own name completely (even though full name is different). I also worry there is a perfect name out there for baby and we haven’t even looked for it.

I’ve found myself looking at lists of boys names and to be honest I haven’t found one I like so far. I’ve also asked DH if he is happy with the decision and he says yes but then I also feel he won’t say no as it’s my dad we are calling baby after. I did flag one other name I liked to DH (Rowan) and he doesn’t like it.

Things are further complicated by how a few years ago I told DM I wanted to call a baby boy after DF. So I worry if she’s told him this he could be expecting it and be disappointed if we don’t give his name.

I’m completely muddled in my head about this. I don’t know if it’s normal to doubt choices or if this is a genuine doubt and we should find a new name asap. I also don’t want to rush into a new name at the last minute - with girls names we loved one name for a few months then went completely off it. I don’t know why this is coming up for me now after having decided on the name well before even pregnancy. I am worried of having regrets. If we do call the baby after DF there will be no option to change it without hurting feelings.

Any advice?

I had a family name chosen, my grandfather's name. When my son was born, I knew that wasn't his name and named him something completely different with no family connection.

Just wait till you see him or her, and in the meantime have another think about names you might like.

If you do decide to go with Bryan, the affection you have for your dad will make it a lovely choice. If not, your dad will be absolutely fine.

Also, you could change to having Bryan as a middle name. Your husband's family already have their part as the surname, so don't feel guilty about that either.

Honestly, I don't get the thing of naming a person after another person. This new baby is their own brand new person in the world, and I feel like they deserve their own name.

Would you choose Bryan under other circumstances?

I think if it's niggling away at you, that tells you something. There are literally thousands (millions?) of names in the world you could choose from.

What you name your child isn't a measure of how much you love your Dad.

Thanks for your advice @Chouah I will speak to DH about this properly today and see about looking at boys names to even have a few in mind.

Unfortunately the middle name has to be DH father as he died young and it’s important to DH to have his name as middle name. I think that could be how we settled on my dad as first name initially so he could be included too - as there is no history of naming people after family in my family or DH family - usually unique first name and family middle name - I wonder if this is partially why it’s worrying me as it hasn’t been done before. There are 7 other grandkids and all have their own name as did we all with family members being middle names. Only one grandchild has my DM middle name though and none have my Dad as middle name which is another reason I wanted to use it.

But you don't need to 'include' both dads out of fairness? I mean, it's nice of you, but your son will end up being called Bryan. If that's a name you both love, grand, crack on, but it's not a name many people choose nowadays.

I met a 7 year old Bryan and he transformed the name from a middle aged name (in my head) to that I now rather like. But that's by the by, keeping looking/mulling it over until you feel content with your choice would be advice. It can be 2 weeks post birth, there isn't actually a rush. And he can have two middle names after his two grandad if you want that, and a first name you choose just because you like the sound it.

I also think babies should have their own first name, why not have two middle names for each grandad? People rarely use their full names when speaking so don’t worry about it being too long or not flowing.

alternatively what about Ryan? Or if you like Rowan you might like Emlyn or Arlo

To be honest I can’t imagine doing this (I’ll never have enough children to use all the names I love!) For me family/honour names are best in the middle spot - unless it’s a name you absolutely adore. As pp said 2 middle names after the grandfathers is fine. If you like Rowan maybe Finn, Jude, Rhys, Owen, Euan?

I think it's normal to re-consider name choices as the time approaches. With dc3 we had a name picked out and had been using to refer to the baby, but when he was born I had a massive wobble and for the first couple of days I called him a different name! But then as everything calmed down I realised I actually did love the initial name we'd chosen and went back to that. We used the wobble name as a middle name instead. Definitely have some back up names if you're not 100% and see how you feel when he arrives

In your shoes I’d pick a new first name, then use Bryan plus other grandad’s name as two middles. It seems fairer that way, especially as other grandad died young, plus your son gets his own name.

If you like Bryan and Rowan, you might like: Robin, Torin, Griffin, Oscar, Louis, Theo, Archer, Jude, Max, Rhys, Arthur, Arlo, Jasper.

Thanks all for your comments. You’ve made me see I definitely need to investigate a unique name with DH. I think I’ve been afraid of finding one I love as then I won’t want to use my Dad’s name. But as a poster said it’s no indication of how much I love him if I don’t use the name - for some reason it helped to be told that!!! I also know even if DM had told him I wanted to use it that he wouldn’t mind. He will just be so happy the baby is here. I would just feel bad myself and I do like the name.

Will have a chat with DH and look at some names today. Thanks for suggestions above.

Both grandads will have to be middle names for sure if we do change the first one. We both want our dads in the name!

Don't forget you can have two middle names.

So if you think of another name you'd like to use, he can be Firstname Bryan DHdadsname Surname.

I think this is the best idea
I hope you find a first name you both love.

Have you asked your dad what he thinks? My mum isn't very keen on her name and I know if I'd named my daughter after her she'd have probably said 'the poor thing! Why have you saddled her with that name?!' It might be that your dad wouldn't want his name used for the baby's first name.

@AmyandPhilipfan it’s a good point! I think it’s ok though. My dad is a popular man in the family! His sister called one of her children after him and so did one of my cousins so this will technically be the third child called after him.

Agree you should look for another name but Bryan is gorgeous if you don't find anything else. Also don't worry yet Bryan maybe a girl!

I’m the opposite way round to you OP. I always said I’d give my baby boy the middle name of William, after my dad who died when I was a teenager. When he arrived I tried all sorts of different first names on him but actually, he was a William. It suits him. He’s a young man now - usually goes by Will, occasionally Liam, often Billyboy, but never Bill, which was my dad’s version.

I think the best plan is to have a few names in mind and try them out on him once he’s born. If it’s actually a boy 🤣

Thanks all, have to say I’m so glad I posted! It’s really helped.I was tying myself up in knots about it and with keeping the names secret had no one to talk to about it.

@Toughtimesagain I love William! And will and Liam are fab. We have one in the family or it would’ve been in the list. I’m sorry for your loss of your dad. X

I would give the baby his own name.

Just give him two middle names - Bryan plus DH’s Dad.

Apart from the fact I think people should have their own names, Bryan is very old fashioned and some time away from a revival.

Get a baby name book and make shortlists, and then compare and come up with a joint shortlist for when he arrives. I like Rowan, but there are a lot of Rowan and Romans so it might not be the best choice.

My son is 'First name/My dad's name/DH's dad's name'. It actually sounds really elegant. I agree that babies should have a new name but my neighbour has a little boy called Brian and he is the cutest little boy and really suits the name.