Baby name regret - Isla or Eden?

[GingeGee]

Following advise from another thread I made!

Long back story but I'll try and make it short and sweet. My daughter is 4 months old, I missed the majority of just over the first month of her life due to being hospitalised with Sepsis from the birth. Obviously due to the deadline she was named what my partner wanted her to be named rather than Eden that we'd agreed on before she was born, I went along with it at the time but since getting better I realise I still am not the biggest fan of Isla, its not remotely like the name we had planned and I'm struggling for nicknames, so here I am.

I've thought long and hard about this since around her being 6 weeks old when I finally started to get my bearings. I know the process of changing the name. I'm also aware of the possibility of PND but I genuinely don't believe that's it, I've seeked help regardless and I am currently having therapy sessions but this is still niggling me.

So it would be very much appreciated from some non-biased people what there opinions of the names are? But also it would be even more appreciated if I could hear people's stories or if you know of people who have changed there's child name and what life is like after the change? Did you feel better or did you regret bothering changing it?

Honestly I prefer Isla by far.
But Eden isn't a bad name; I just prefer Isla.
I totally get where you're coming from and how hard it must have been to go through what you went through.
I imagine, with you being that sick, your partner had a rough time too - taking on solo caring for a newborn (and I know lots of women do it fine but it's still less usual for a man) on top of probably being terrified that they were going to lose you. That is likely to have made him bond in a more intense way than usual with your little girl.
I can imagine that changing her name could feel very weird for him.
That said, I think if you feel strongly and he is happy to agree, then you should do what feels right to you.

I suspect popularity is very regional. I work with children in a very socially deprived area of London and there are loads of Edens and I've barely come across an Isla. I live in a more middle class area and I've never met a female Eden around here (a couple of boys) but quite a few Islas (though a few years ago now. It definitely peaked here about 8 years ago).

Eden is a lovely name

I love Isla as a name - it's so beautiful! I actually can't STAND Eden as a name. Not sure why, but I really don't like it. It's also a unisex name, if that bothers you at all. I appreciate you have had a very hard time indeed, and hope that you are on the road to recovery now x

I personally very much prefer Isla. Eden is OK-ish, but not to my taste. It sounds very clunky to me.

You could add it as a middle name to make it a choice to use. That said, I wouldn't generally advocate calling children by their middle names. I'm known by mine and it is a pain in the arse - I've had a lifetime of explaining it and have even thought of changing it by deed poll.

I don't think your DP has behaved badly. You just reached the stage of having to legally register the birth before you yourself were quite well enough to be fully with it.

You still have up until the first year to change things, I understand?

I prefer Eden as I'm a fan of nicknames and you could use Edie (which I think is very cute). Isla is pretty but I think of it in the same vein as Isabelle, Lily, etc - ie pretty but very popular. I think both names are nice but it's about unpicking your emotions behind it all. Does DD already have a middle name? Could you change to Eden and keep Isla as a middle name?

@SabrePrattler it's a tough one, cause its partially my own doing too. It was hard work getting the names we had because we didn't know the gender, he's stubborn as shit and I didn't realise it but I'm a terrible overthinker because I researched everything I could with each name that was mentioned. So how I saw it is that it was joint 90% agreed name Eden, then his 5% was Isla and my other 5% was Lily and that was our list, and as daft as it sounds I never imagined she'd be anything other than Eden if she turned out to be a girl though prior to being born and that the 5 percenters would maybe be a middle name, so when he said she looked like an Isla I didn't instantly disregard it because of hormones, exhaustion, completely unaware of how un-normal all the pain I was in and unwell I was even though at the time I was told this was all normal. I also didn't have that instant reaction he seemed to have had that I thought I would so I felt as though I couldn't completely shrug it off yet as it wouldn't seem fair (obviously now I know they look like any name you give them essentially), but obviously I also didn't expect once I got home that I'd progressively get worse not get the chance to say 'hey Isla's not my cup of tea like I didn't think it would so let's go with Eden' instead he became a single parent for a month, continued to call it her because he didn't have any other reason not to and end up were I'm at, but I guess that's hindsight for you.

I've heard this but I haven't found anyone who has prior to this thread, I knew all the ins and outs on how to change it but not how life is afterwards.

Thank you! 💕

I don't know the technical term but I basically still have a hole in my uterus on top of other issues so I'm having to have another surgery in the next 6 months to try fix it but it's looking more than likely that I'll have to have a hysterectomy, which I think is what's making all of this that little bit more complicated. I'm a hell of a lot better though, my only issue at the moment is that I'm losing hair to the point of receding but I'll take that any day over what I've felt like hahaha.

(((HUG)))

I'm sorry your first weeks with DD were so awful. You can't get them back, but you do have the rest of your life & hers to make up for it 😊😊

Your DH manipulated you when you were vulnerable & I know myself well enough to know I couldn't forgive that, but I'd have tried to when I was much younger (causing myself a lot of anguish).

How are things between you now?

Have you spoken to him about changing her name?

Do you plan to have any more children?

Sod everyone else, you & he ate the only ones that matter (and frankly, he only matters at this stage because you need his permission to change her name).

DD don't stress yourself about that, a lot of kids have name strops! No matter what. Nothing to say which she'd have preferred - probably something SO weird we can't even imagine it yet!!)

i think children do 'make' a name. There are very few names I probably wouldn't warm to over time, but that's not to say if it was my child, I'd want to have to warm to them!!

personally I don't care for Isla, but I would warm to it if a friend chose it & I cuddled the baby & watched her grow.

I mean if someone handed me a baby girl & said 'she's all yours as long as you call her 'island' I'd take her in a heart beat! But if I birthed a child, and was told I had to call her island, I'd be telling them to F'off.

As discussed I don't think the actual name is the issue, but how it has come about & how you're going to deal with that!

honestly, don't worry about anyone else, IF you change it, they'll have to accept it & move on! YOUR baby, YOUR choice xx,

I have an Eden, so obviously I'm biased. It doesn't rhyme with anything bad and everyone can spell it.

I really don't like Eden - to me it's a place rather than a name. But you don't have to please anyone else. Isla is lovely and I don't know any. My dtwins were early and DH rejected the name I wanted for one of them and in my tired state I agreed to his choice. I have a unique nickname for him and he likes his name and says he wouldn't have liked my choice. So I've got used to his name, basically.

I changed my DD's name when she was about 10 weeks old. I didn't have another name in mind, I just didn't like her given name and the feeling of dislike for it got worse and worse. So it was changed and I've never regretted it and very glad that I did as I still don't like her original name 14 years later! Everyone adjusted to the new name easily and she was too young to know anything!

Well, as for those names, I have an Isla, she's 7. I know 1 other Isla and she is 10yo and spells it Ailla. My Isla is the only one in her year, her brownies, her swimming. I do hear others out and about. But it's not like when I was a child and there were 7 Sarah's in my class. I like the name a Eden too, I know 1 Eden. If your daughter feels like an Eden to you then I think you need an honest conversation with your partner.

I like both. I always thought I'd call my DD Isla if I had one, but then I used a name more similar in style to Eden because I wanted it to be connected to my DS's name in origin.

But In my opinion I wouldn't change your DD's name now personally because it's a lovely name, it's not a crazy unique spelling or anything. I know an Isla and they seem to call her la la. If you ever have another DC then save the name for them. Or get a pet 🥰 ( I have a friend with a pet dog with the same name as her DD after she did this and then had a third child)

I think I’d have to change it, or it would always be in the back of my mind.

Have you told your DH how you feel?

I like them both but prefer Eden

They’re both nice. I think most will prefer Isla although slightly prefer Eden myself. I think if you both agreed on that and Isla only by partner I can see why you feel like this. Sorry if that’s unhelpful!

Both are nice. For me I couldn’t get past how appalling your DH treated you when you were unwell. Using your illness to register the birth in a different name. If I was ill post childbirth I’d expect my preferences over DH to be honoured if we hadn’t agreed on a name. He sounds absolutely horrible.

re name if you prefer Eden you prefer Eden. People on mumsnet having a differing view shouldn’t put you off naming your baby the name you love and that you and DH chose together.

Your partner took advantage of your health emergency to give your DD a name other than the name the two of you had agreed on.

No this is not PND. It's a case of you realizing he cast your wishes aside and gave her a name he had probably preferred all along. Who the heck 'looks like an Isla' right after she's born

Eden is a real name that has been around for at least a generation. A cousin of mine has a daughter of this name, now in her twenties.

I think you need to sit your partner down and talk to him about doing something really important to your daughter that wasn't ok with you. It wouldn't have been ok to get her ears pierced without your full consent either, and that's the analogy I would use here. This is her name for life.

You were looking forward to life as the mother of a daughter named Eden, not someone named Isla.

Sorry to hear about what happened to you! That must have been really tough :(

I like Isla. Eden is OK.

What about Eilidh?

What’s very troubling is your partner ignored what you agreed on when you were very sick. It’s not obvious, it’s weird and appalling.

I do prefer Isla to Eden. I think Eden is a bit naff, and has both born again Christian and stripper connotations. But if that’s what you want and agreed then change it. Evelyn or Erin might be alternatives.

I would make sure she has both names on the birth certificate. Then try calling her Eden for a while and ask your partner to do the same, to see how that feels. She’s still tiny, it’s fine to change the name, but I would try it first to be sure it’s really what you want.

So you agreed on Eden and had never agreed on Isla ? And he went to register the birth and named her Isla. But you were there, but unwell so didn't say anything? 🤷‍♀️

It's a tough one because I'm sure bay couple would say they both have names they really liked but their partner hated or didn't rate.

Was she given a middle name?

I mean if he agrees then change it yes. But Isla is a great name anyway, very sweet.

Well so are Marigold, Penelope, Isabella, Priscilla, Apollonia, Bernadette, Francesca, Celestina - in the opinion of parents who have agreed together to give their daughters those names.

But the OP and her H agreed on Eden, though he had said during the discussions that he also liked Isla.

Then he took advantage of the fact that she was shellshocked from a near death experience and six weeks in hospital to give the baby a name she had not agreed on.

It actually doesn't matter at all what people on this thread think of the name Isla. It isn't the name the OP thought they had agreed on. It's a name her H foisted on the baby without agreement.