Ok to call a baby after relatives - not it’s own unique name?

[FrederickT]

We are planing to call a boy (not finding out sex) after our fathers. Wondering if others think this is ok for baby to have a name based on others names. We plan to use my dads name first and DH surname so the actual full name itself will be unique and also to change spelling of my dads name.

so for example (not the names)
DH dad: William Murray
My dad: Aden Jones
Babies name: Aidan William Murray

Baby grows up as Aidan Murray

DH dad is no longer with us. My Dad is amazing and I know he would be thrilled with this. But in the back of my mind is how my parents gave us a unique first name and family middle name. But I don’t like two middle names and DH dad takes preference as he’s no longer with us and I want my dad recognised too.

At the same time, we also haven’t been able to find a boys name we like that isn’t a family name (other two names we like are my grandad and DH uncle so we lean toward family names anyway!)

Is this even an issue???

Of course it's okay.

The only time I think it's a bad idea is when a parent (usually the father) names their child after themselves. But that's not what's happening in your situation.

It's fine.
Loads of people do it, particularly with boys.

I specifically didn't want to name my boys after anyone, but MIL managed to shoehorn in a connection to her family both times anyway 😂

Ultimately you won’t know how he feels about it until he’s way too old for you to name him. There was poster on another thread today who had two family names and always wished she had a name that was just hers. But then others are proud to have all family names. Personally I wouldn’t do it, as I prefer children to have their own names, but it’s a decision you just have to make and hope it’s right - like many other parenting decisions.

Of course! It’s very sweet to honour relatives this way and then the kid actually knows why he’s called such and such.

Countless kids are named after family members. Perfectly fine and normal.

We did this with our DS.

DH dad name, my dad name, my surname (which isn’t my dad’s surname btw), DH surname.

so DS actually does have the same name as DH dad, but we are fine with that. DH dad also no longer alive.

funnily enough my dad’s middle name is the same as DH dad/DS first name too. So we really did recycle names!

This is my concern really! But then I also have friends who are named directly after family members and none seem to have a problem with it. It’s a decision though like you said! Hard to know what is the right thing to do. It may be selfish but a friend recently lost her dad and it made me think I definitely want my dad remembered in the name.

It's fine, although we went for the option of having a sort-of unique first name and two middle names, one from each side of the family.

For some reason I think that giving a baby the same first name as a living relative would be weird, but if it's a dead relative then they are more able to make the name their own because they don't share it with a living person, if that makes sense?

@babyjellyfish yes this is why we want to change the spelling of my dads name. To me he is ‘dad’ so I don’t have a particular association with his first name. But for DH or anyone else that they could ask (well only via text but that’s the main way my family chat!) ‘how is Aden’ / ‘how is Aidan’ / ‘Aden did X’ /‘Aidan did X’

Hmm it’s tricky though. It doesn’t help that DH also works with x3 Aidans in his small company of 20 😂🙈

I gave mine their ‘own’ first names but their middle names are family names
they loved finding out about who they where named after

A non-issue to me. Very few names are actually unique. It's not like sharing a name with someone turns you into someone else and steals your true identity.

I don't know the name of any of my friends' grandparents so I imagine most of your son's friends growing up won't even know he's named after anyone.

I don't get the argument that you don't have your own name if you're named after someone else. Of course you do.

MIL named her first son after his paternal GF plus her own brother (who died in a Japanese concentration camp). Her second son was named after her own GF and a paternal GGF.
I called one of my DDs after DH’s GF, with a middle name translated from the Latin of his family motto.

Imo it's likely fine if there's a nn for the full name you can use for your son, otherwise it could get confusing having two "Aiden 's/Aden's" discussed - I know 90% of the time it will be "Dad/Grandad" and "Aiden" , but still. I also don't see the point in changing the spelling if it's intended to honour someone?

I love the idea of naming after beloved relatives personally, it's a lovely link to your family tree - all of my sons full name is after relatives (first name and 2 middles). But for me, I only considered using the name of a long deceased relative in the first name spot as I didn't want any potential confusion (and as a bonus he is also no longer "sharing" his name in quite the same way imo.)

I think it’s nice and in a way there’s no issue if it’s after someone who is no longer here. The main problem with it would have been the confusion of getting a letter etc if it’s addressed to the same full name, I know of lots of people who do this and name a boy the baby’s dads name but you’ve then got two Billie Smith’s in the house so imagine how confusing that must be!

I think I personally prefer it for the middle name to give the child their ‘own’ first name but when it’s someone who’s no longer here I think that maybe takes that bit away anyway so it is their ‘own name’ as they’re the only one being called it if you like

It's really up to you, there's no rule that says it's right or wrong to do it. It's right for you, or it's wrong for you, and no one else needs to have an opinion about it at the end of the day.

Since you asked, I personally was keen for my boys to have their own unique names, but I did consider using a variation of my father's name. So, if my father's name was Alexander, I'd have been considering Alistair for instance. Technically the "same" name but also different at the same time. Though the actual names were a bit closer, more like William and Willem.

Another thing you could do is mesh the names of both your fathers. Say your father's names are Aden and William, you could name the child Adam for instance. I don't know if that would work with the actual names you're looking at though.

I think kids should have their own name and if you must use family names they should just be middle names

But plenty of people reuse family names, there’s nothing technically wrong with it, it’s just personal preference. Unfortunately you won’t know your child’s preference til it’s too late.

I think it's lovely. It is the child's own name.

I'm named after my great grandmother and I've always quite liked it. There are several others in my extended family also named after her. We all have different surnames and it's never been an issue.