Joint Surname Dilemma

[louanne00]

Hello, I’m joining this forum to ask a question that’s been weighing on my mind,

my partner & I both want to give our baby our surnames, I love my surname, it’s unique and I want the baby to be apart of my family too, but he wants the baby in his surname, and he has every right to, as so do I.

I don’t want to be “traditional” and have the baby in just his surname, as when we get married we are intending to take both surnames, but, my surname is 11 letters long and his 6, and I just can’t double barrel our surnames as it doesn’t roll off the tongue. I’d only imagine the pain our child would go through trying to write down a 18 letter surname on forms.

I was thinking of mashing up our surnames, or maybe making one a middle name.. I just don’t know.

any suggestions or ideas on what we can do?

I don’t think it would be a particularly long surname. The idea of mashing them together is a good one, that is properly creating a new family - I wish I had done this. We just double barrelled.

I wouldn’t do the middle name idea, they’re not really used and it would be a shame for one of your surnames to be lost.

Use one as a middle name

Obviously I don’t know what the surnames are, but Fitzpatrick-Carter doesn’t seem over the top to me, and you children can always drop one if they want to. By making one a middle name, that relegating it to the less important one. Does your partner have a preference on mashing names together vs middle name vs double barrel vs entirely new name.

Give the baby your surname. If you get married to the father you can change the DC's name then.

Lots of reasons why that's a good idea explained on lots and lots of threads

The Spanish cope with double barrelled names.

It doesn't need to roll off the tongue, it's a surname! I'd just give it both and you can always write the initial of each on things at school instead of the long version e.g. Fitzpatrick-Carter could be Firstname FC

As you’re not married it’s not ‘traditional’ to give your baby his surname - children out of wedlock were not traditionally given fathers surnames - they were traditionally disowned.

you can do one thing now (give them your surname) and change it when you get married.

Or are you sure double barrelling sounds bad? Often the longer names seem to work being double barrelled.

but I like the idea of inventing a surname for you - ie mashing your surnames together, though would it mean you both loose names you like?

my children have my surname by the way, DH has his.

They don't use double-barrelled names

Traditionally the baby would have your name.

Double barrel. It's fine. I have one, which I admit is only 3 letters then 5, but it's fine.

Either that or mash them up. If you do that though, it might be easier to marry before the baby comes. DP can change his by deedpoll and you can then use the marriage certificate to change yours. Baby is as is from birth

I’d say it’s pretty simple. If you feel strongly about giving the baby your surname, do it. You’ve carried it, you’re giving birth and changing your body forever, and you’ll most likely be the one doing the majority of the parenting if you ever split

this - do this ^^

then when you get married, change it!

Katarina Johnson-Thompson, the heptathlete, seems to cope with a slightly unwieldy surname, though I note from Wikipedia that she has a very short middle name!

Babies, assuming you are in Britain, are traditionally given their mother's name (which of course matched the father's if they were married)

Do not give your baby a different name to yours.

You can change it with yours if you decide to change your name on marriage.

We took an unusual solution - if you think you will have more than one child together, one child has each of your surnames. So you are the Johnson / Brown family. Neither of you want to change names, I wasn't going to be the only one in my family with my name, didn't feel fair. So some have his, some have mine.

I have seen when this happens, it is a girl you give her your last name and if it is boy, he gets the father's name.

I'll echo others and suggest you go ahead with the double barrel. Are you sure it sounds bad? Sometimes we just need to get used to it! Both my and DH's surnames are rare and clunky, think the only ones in the UK, and at first we thought they'd be double awkward together, but in fact I now love DD's double barrelled surname!

One as middle name is just a platitude, don't do that (and if you must, make it his!)

I'd try and create a portmanteau surname. My children are planning to do that if they have children or get married.
But double barreling is the other reasonable option.