Honoring passed relatives

[owlerita]

My uncle had been sick since the summer of 2021. I got pregnant August 2021. Even in January we were hoping he'd recover but sadly he passed away. How can we honor, mourn and celebrate him while also holding space for our daughter whose on her way? The name we had chosen didn't honor him but I'm wondering do we add another middle name for him, is there a way to hold space for both the new life and his passing

If he has a name that is unisex or a surname (e.g. James, Owen, Stanley) use it as a middle name

If he has a name that has a feminine version (Harry, Victor, George) use the feminine name as a first or middle name (Harriet, Victoria, Georgi(n)a)

Sorry for your loss

DD’s middle name is the birth stone of my grandfather (Garnet) because it was better than Howard or John, which were his names!

That's nice, if not quite honouring him

I guess it has more meaning than using Jane or Janet cos it's the feminine of John, your grandad's middle name, and it's pretty but Alf Garnet

How does your partner feel about this? It’s a really personal thing. Some people feel it’s extremely important to honour passed relatives in this way. Other people would never consider using any names currently used by family members or names of passed family members still in living memory.

Do you want to add another name for him? You aren’t obliged to.

His name was Stephen. Although he has been sick for the duration of my pregnancy we weren't considering adding his name but because he has passed so close to my due date (4 days away) I don't want to take away from my families grieving. I am struggling on how to grieve for him and be excited for our daughter coming.

Our Daughter who is due in a couple of weeks will have the middle name Eve after my dad Steve who was killed when I was a child. My husband and I had always agreed this would be the case if she was a girl

Do you want to add a name to honour him OP? Or would you rather not but you feel obliged?

You don’t have to name your daughter after your uncle if you don’t want to. I lost my aunt a couple of years ago but I was very close to her, many people expected me to name my DD after her but I wanted DD to be her own person. I’ve honoured and celebrated my loved ones that I’ve lost through different ways, talking about them, how they would love DD. My aunt would have posted all about DD on FB (probably to the point that I’d have to talk to her and say not to post photos of her), she’d be proudly telling everyone she always a great aunt. We celebrate that just by talking about it amongst ourselves. My grandma loved elephants and so both me and my mum have bought DD a number of elephant things in memory of my grandma. You can honour your uncle in many ways, find his favourite animal, colour, sports team and buy a baby grow on with it. Assuming he passed a few days ago in April, you can use the flower for April which is daisy.

Your family will be sad about your uncle’s passing but they can still be happy about your DD. It’ll be a bittersweet happiness but she’ll probably be a welcome distraction.

Have a photo of him in a frame in the family home.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Yes I would.

Don't make it your child's burden to "honour" a man she didn't even know. I'm sorry, but I really don't understand why you feel obligated to somehow name your child after him. Of course you loved your uncle and you're sad about his loss, but that doesn't mean you have to include his name in the name of your baby. There are many, many other ways to pay tribute to a loved one.

very sad about your uncle.

It’s ok to be sad for his loss, and separately be excited and looking forward to your new baby.

personally I am not a fan of giving babies extra names that aren’t names you love in their own right. Babies are not memorial benches, to carry an old fashioned name throughout their own life of someone they never met.

My mum had such a middle name, an ugly sounding surname, and she resented it.

I don’t think it’s particularly fair to do this to your child - unless you were spectacularly close to your uncle. Middle names can sometimes be used from grandparents etc, but your uncle is a bit of stretch - unless there’s a big backstory, where he raised you etc - and even then I’m not keen.

Do not feel you have to

Go for it! My middle name is the name of a beloved great-aunt who died before my parents could tell her my mum was pregnant, if that makes sense. I love it.

Sorry for your loss.
I don't know your situation, but I would only use an honour name if I genuinely wanted to. Do you want to honour him? Did you have a close relationship? Does he have children or grandchildren of his own who might like to use his name? Thinking of my own uncles - we've never been particularly close and I wouldn't feel obliged to name my child after them.

Sorry for your loss. It really is a personal decision and it depends if you want to. Don't feel like you should because everyone is grieving. The baby will bring a lot of happiness and light to your family when it arrives no matter what the name is.

My nan passed within close time to my DD being born. I didn't use my nans name as I personally would feel to much pressure to name all future children after someone and I have a rather large family and I'm bound to upset someone. I also don't particularly like any of my elders names so wouldn't want to burden my children with it either.

I always talk to my dd about her great nan and how much she would have loved her my dd is 2 now and always talk about her nanny 'xxx' and likes to kiss a photo now and then. You can still honour without giving the name and I'm sure your family are understanding and won't be expecting you to do it either.

My daughter has my beloved nans name as her middle name (my daughter sadly never met her)
I didn't feel obliged to do the same re other grandparents when my son was born.
I really like the Eve suggestion in memory of Steve. Also Stevie.
Sorry for your loss