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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Am I in the wrong here?

60 replies

WolfieComport · 03/04/2022 15:56

Sorry if I break any rules this is my first post after reading a bit on here.

I am wondering if anyone can give their opinion on my situation to see if I'm wrong in being mad.

Basically I just had a baby daughter called Isabelle and everything is amazing, extremely happy and it has been a few weeks in.

We spent a long time picking the name and it's really personal to us and it means a lot.

I have a WhatsApp chat with 4 friends where we have talked every day for ten years, and one of my friends who I'm really close to now is also pregnant.

We talk every single day and now she has decided to pick the name Isabella. I just find it really strange out of all the names available she has picked the only name that could upset me, blatently copying my little girls name.

I know she's free to name her child whatever she wants but I can't help but feel upset that for the rest of our lives we will have extremely similar daughter names. If I new she had chose that name I would of picked another one so it's more intimate and special to me, but she doesn't seems happy to copy the name almost like for like with no thought.

Am I crazy in being upset?

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NurseBernard · 03/04/2022 19:26

I get tbat you are annoyed - I would be too.

But as many others have said, you’ve honestly picked one of - if not - the most popular (it and it’s variations) girls’ names of all time.

Orphlids · 03/04/2022 19:30

I guarantee she hasn’t copied you. It’s not as though the first time she ever encountered the name Isabelle was when you announced your daughter’s name. She has most likely loved the name Isabella for years. If it was her and her DH’s most loved name, do you really think they should have chosen something they didn’t like as much just so you weren’t pissed off? A lifetime of regretting their daughter’s name because you got there first with something similar. You spent ages choosing something that is personal to you and means a lot, and they have been through exactly the same process.

EdgeOfACoin · 03/04/2022 20:01

I can't imagine she 'copied' your name. Isabelle and Isabella are two beautiful, popular names. She won't have suddenly heard your daughter's name and thought 'ooh, that's nice, I'll use that too'.

My mother's best friend named her daughter the same name as me. (Very popular name in the 80s). My mum just took it as a compliment.

marjayy · 03/04/2022 20:13

She didn't copy your name. It's a very popular/common name at the moment.

babywalker56 · 03/04/2022 21:12

You will be told it’s absolutely fine for her to call her child the same name as you, even family doing this is fine in the world of MN. Back in the real world I find it strange and don’t get why someone would do this.

This^ I personally don’t understand why people do this. I’d be so annoyed if my friend this because out of all the names in the world, why choose one that’s so similar? I agree that it seems to be a popular name but still!

My close friend has a 1 year old son and his name is Jahmari. I’m pregnant with my first son and wanted to name him Kamari. I’m now starting to think that the names are too similar and that I should leave it😂 so sorry but Isabelle and Isabella is just ridiculous

babywalker56 · 03/04/2022 21:12

Sorry meant to say that I wanted to call my son Kamani. So Jahmari and Kamani. Way too similar for my liking

crimblecrumbles · 03/04/2022 21:21

I have to disagree with most people here. That would really p me off too! I'm pregnant with my second DD and there are names I love but friends have already used them for their kids so I would never do the same. On the other hand I'm sure your friend isn't copying you but just loves the name. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let it wind you up too much. Your other friends know you were first and she might still change her mind.

Grumpasaurusrex · 04/04/2022 02:46

You are being crazy, yes. Isabelle and Isabella are two of the most popular baby girl names in the UK! There are loads of them and more born daily! If you didn't want anyone to have the same name as your daughter then maybe you shouldn't have chosen Isabelle? Please don't say anything, it would be really unreasonable of you. Its not even the same name! And she probably didn't put your thoughts at top of her list when choosing a name she loved for her daughter?

Frogsonglue · 04/04/2022 03:28

I really don't get all this preciousness about names. If a friend copied my kids' names I'd be flattered. In fact my mum's friend and another neighbour both used my (slightly unusual) name for their daughters, my parents thought it was nice. Names are just names.

MidgeYoure · 04/04/2022 03:28

The couple living next door to us called their son the exact same name as ours… to start with, I was a bit narked but tbh, the boys played together as friends and it was never a problem. We moved away eventually and it never impacted us at all. My son was called after his DF, and next doors boy was called after his DGF, so not copying.

Kanaloa · 04/04/2022 04:09

I don’t think you’re wrong as such as it’s natural to feel upset but I don’t thing she’s wrong, and I think you’d be wrong to say anything.

If you’d chosen Nayeli then she chose Anayeli I’d be thinking hmm that’s a bit odd! But Isabelle and Isabella are really really popular names. Every nursery I’ve worked in has at least 2 Bellas. Same as Amelia/Olivia/Eva/Sophia, I think it’s one of those that you have to accept you’ll meet lots of other Isabelles because it’s popular.

It’s a beautiful name.

MrsToadflax · 04/04/2022 09:00

I think it depends how it is done. Unless it was a special family name I would never choose the same name as a friend. My friend chose the same name as my DD and I was annoyed because we had endlessly discussed lots of names, she told me their shortlist and reasons why - family names etc and then when child was born she just sent a text with the same name as my DD. No mention of it being the same etc. It just felt weird. When we text and chat it is still weird keep saying the same name to each other when discussing family life. They both have the same nickname too. I think out of courtesy you should at least say 'funny, we love that name too and it's on our shortlist.' I think people like their DC to feel like individuals and of course they might make friends with the same name in the future, but to have a close friend immediately use the same name can feel a bit deflating.

Isonthecase · 04/04/2022 09:07

Everyone uses nicknames anyway, you'll almost certainly call one Issy and one Bella. Yeah it'll be a little odd to start but I don't think it's so bad.

BiggerBoat1 · 04/04/2022 09:11

They are both lovely names and both very popular at the moment. How do you know this isn't a name she's loved for years and she felt a bit weird when you chose your DD's name. Neither of you can have "dibs" on a name. Isn't it nice you have similar taste?

In the nicest possible way you are being just a tiny bit crazy and should go back to just enjoying your lovely daughter.

PurBal · 04/04/2022 09:26

You’re allowed to be miffed but you don’t own the name, sorry. You never know what their nn will be (if any) Iz, Izzy, Belle, Bella. We chose a name with lots of diminutives and DS is always called by his full name.

Luluuuuuuuuuu85 · 04/04/2022 09:50

Ah op I would be a bit upset too! I would also probably mention it to you before hand if I was your friend, even though she hasn't had the baby. However I do then think you would have to pretend you were ok with it for all the reasons mentioned above 😂. They're both lovely names and popular choices so it's difficult to be only possessive without looking v unreasonable...

Luluuuuuuuuuu85 · 04/04/2022 09:51

Openly possessive that should say!

WildCoasts · 04/04/2022 09:56

I don't think it's wrong for her to use the same name. It's not like it's some rare family name she never heard of and is copying either.

I had a similar situation with a friend. She gave birth to a daughter two months before me and gave her the name I was planning to name my third child. I'd have used the name years before, but I had two boys before that girl, so couldn't give them that name. I had that name picked years before my friend used it. Maybe it's the same for your friend?

I did ask my friend if she'd mind if I used that name (she didn't at all) but I'd probably have used it even if she did, just because of the history I had with having that name in mind.

123xanadu · 04/04/2022 10:01

YABU.

I had a name picked for 7 years, even if someone close to me used it I would still use it. Thankfully nobody did. You don't know if she's loved the name for years.

Neverreturntoathread · 04/04/2022 10:04

You will be told ‘she can use whatever name she likes mind your own business’ (a popular answer on Mumsnet) but the truth is that it was weird, rude, and very disrespectful of her to use the name without first asking if it was ok with you.

sorryforswearing · 04/04/2022 10:07

My son has the same name as the son of a good friend. I said I liked it and would have used it if she hadn’t got in first. She said use it if you want. I don’t mind. I did. Having said that we live at opposite ends of the country and don’t really have friends in common. I wouldn’t have used it if we’d lived on each other’s doorsteps.

aSofaNearYou · 04/04/2022 10:07

YABU, but mainly because this is a pretty common name, so it's unlikely she copied you and more likely this is just her favourite name. She shouldn't have to not use her favourite name just because you also used it.

ellenpartridge · 04/04/2022 10:24

Honestly I don't think she's copied you and I do think you're unreasonable to be annoyed. It's just a popular name. I can't even count how many Isabel, Isabelle, Isobel, Isabella I know. It's loads!!

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 04/04/2022 10:28

With your baby being so recent I would be annoyed. I would never do this with a close friend

LightDrizzle · 04/04/2022 10:38

How much contact do you have with the children of your mum’s friends from her youth? Have they followed you through life, same class, university, workplace?

You and your friend both liked and chose similar names for your daughters, she won’t have copied. Your daughter will come across Izzys and the various forms of Isabelle wherever she goes for just that reason; lots of people like it. My 24 year old is an Isobel and I’ve had colleagues and friends with Isabelles since then. It’s a total non issue.

You can’t help your feelings but try to prevent them affecting your relationship. It would be incredibly childish.

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