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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name worry/regret 2 years on

23 replies

stillworriedaboutname · 20/02/2022 20:15

Still thinking about the name we chose for DD almost 2 years on. She was born in lockdown and I just had a real mental block when it came to choosing names - I think partly with the stress and worry of everything going on - so we didn't finalise our decision before she was born. Had a shortlist where DH was happy with all of them but I didn't think any were quite right. It was like I was searching for an elusive perfect name that we never found.

Day after she was born we picked one from the list and at first I was fine with it but after about 6 weeks I started to have doubts. Pushed them down for a while but eventually DH said I could change it if I really wanted. In the end I felt too embarrassed and kept it as it was.

But now she's almost 2 I can't help thinking what an idiot I was. It would have been absolutely fine to change it when she was a few months old. Obviously not fine now as it's her identity but I feel so guilty for not giving her the gift of a good name.

Every single time I hear about a friend/colleague/family member's baby being born I compare the name they've chosen and how happy they seem with their choice and the guilt and worry floods back.

Not really sure what the point of my post is but if anyone's got a young baby and they're in the same position my advice is change it while they're still young enough as the doubts and worries don't necessarily fade. Oh and if you haven't had your baby yet please take time to name them, there's no need to decide straight away.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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mumofEandE · 20/02/2022 20:19

But you don't say that you have a better alternative that you regret not using?
I am sure that your DD has a lovely name - it was on your short list so you must have lived it at the time?
Do you think it is PND?

Original poster

stillworriedaboutname · 20/02/2022 20:26

@mumofEandE

But you don't say that you have a better alternative that you regret not using? I am sure that your DD has a lovely name - it was on your short list so you must have lived it at the time? Do you think it is PND?

Thank you, that is a good point. Perhaps I'm sad about the fact that I couldn't (and still haven't) found the perfect name for her, rather than about the name itself. All sounds a bit silly when I write it down!

OP posts:

Arniepieinthesky · 20/02/2022 20:54

I can sympathise, my DS’s name isn’t ‘the one’. Still don’t know what ‘the one’ is! I’m starting to feel okay about this as I realise I still wouldn’t have come up with the perfect name even if I had years!
What is her name? I’m sure it’s lovely

Original poster

stillworriedaboutname · 20/02/2022 21:16

@Arniepieinthesky

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear you didn't find "the one" either but reassuring that you sound at peace with it. I'd rather not say DD's name in case it's outing as we deliberately went for a slightly less popular name (top 150), but now when I hear gorgeous top 20 names I can't remember why that was important to me!

OP posts:

sibbys · 20/02/2022 21:58

I kind of feel the same with my 7 y/o DD... I chose it because I loved it at the time and I do think it's a lovely name but I have another name I love even more now.

I'm sorry you feel so bad about it. Please don't. You chose it because you liked it and had it on your list of names ❤️

Hellodaahling · 21/02/2022 03:50

Hi, I has pnd, and did change my child’s name when they were a baby. But I still don’t think it’s the one, but obviously won’t change it again. I think what makes me feel better is that it’s better than the first name I selected, so I reassure myself that at least it’s better than that. Instead of looking at what names you didn’t pick and wish you did. Why don’t you think about what names you’re grateful you didn’t pick! Another thing…I have more children after that child where I picked names I like, so that kind of helped resolve the issue because I managed to use names I liked more.

I have a child with a top 20 name, and even though I do like the name, I must say it has definitely lost its charm and wish I picked a rarer name. So it’s not all cracked up to be. It’s annoying when I keep bumping into other children with that name, and it’s just so common now. I can see that when my child grows up that it’s definitely going to become dated from overuse. So hopefully that helps you feel better about choosing a rarer name.

Hadtocomment · 21/02/2022 08:50

It's sad to read all this name regret. My parents couldn't agree on names and gave me a whole lump of middle names to choose between when I got older and I got a nickname which I've always been called but bore no relation to any of my actual names. V confusing! I dislike all the names they came up with and don't relate to any of them. I changed my name permanently and officially to what I consider to be my real name, the so called nickname, as an adult. What I'm saying is that my parents were overthinking the whole thing, and really it's all fine. I've not been adversely effected by not relating to the names they came up with and I have the right name for me. All this name regret sounds a bit like trying to get perfection for every circumstance but it's not totally in your control. Different stages of life mean we want to stand out or merge into the background more. I wanted to fit in exactly at some points as a child. But later on I didn't. The names I thought terribly glamorous at thirteen are not the names I like now for example.

If your children decide they don't like their name later they can always change it or use a nickname. It's really not the end of the world. Having gone through a bit of name palaver myself honestly there is no problem really. It's not been a big issue for me and I like my name (that has always really been my name really) and feel it's me.

you loving the name one hundred per cent is lovely but you can't really know which your child might ultimately prefer. It sounds like all of you have chosen names you like that aren't really outlandish. So I think you should all be kinder on yourselves and not regret anything.

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 09:49

Some of it might be linked to the lock down thing? I had a baby in lockdown too and the world was such a weird place back then. And I expect your first year wasn't as expected!

Lotsalotsagiggles · 21/02/2022 09:54

Can you atart giving her a different name as a nickname? Someone at pre school.has done this

Notthissticky · 21/02/2022 10:02

Sweetie, this sounds like classic anxiety to me. The upset/ trauma of becoming a mum during lockdown is not to be underestimated. Your mind is channeling this to focus on the name you gave your daughter. This is "convenient" for the anxiety, as you aren't going to change the name. For me, anxiety closes off all ways out of a situation and it sounds like that is what happened here. Had you chosen a top 20 name you'd be posting on here that you regret not giving her a more special name. It really isn't about the name. I know the feeling of the name not being perfect but not knowing which name would be. Don't let perfect be the enemy of good enough. What are you planning for your daughter's birthday?

GeneLovesJezebel · 21/02/2022 10:04

Our last child was given a name because we couldn’t come up with something better. It’s quite plain and frequently used. But it’s her name now, and I’d never tell her that.

Enough4me · 21/02/2022 10:11

I had a 'perfect' girls name, which my exDH didn't like, we went with another name which I liked and now as a teenager I can't imagine her being the other name but when young did often wonder about it.

DS's name was suggested by my DD when a toddler and exDH and exMIL railroaded me into it. It was a name I'd never been keen on in it's full vesion, but the shortened version is nice and so I always use this. I love that it came from my DD too.

OP, think about shortened versions or nicknames and go with this now before school.

I don't think there any truly perfect names to capture how much love you can feel for a child though!

Frankiefarr · 21/02/2022 11:22

Hated the name I was born with. I just changed it when I turned 18. I renamed myself with the name my mother really wanted to call me but the wider family didn’t like. (Which was Ellen by the way)

moocow123456 · 21/02/2022 14:32

I did exactly the same as you!

Had a baby at the beginning of lockdown. Gave her a name that we thought wasn't overly popular. Called her it for a few weeks before realising it was in the top 3 names in the uk.

I was too attached to change it but we kept trying to think of different ones and nothing was the right one.

Mine is nearly 2 and I wish we'd picked a different name as well :/.

Original poster

stillworriedaboutname · 21/02/2022 20:05

Thank you all so much for the very kind replies. I'm really sorry to hear that some of you have had similar thoughts. I definitely think that lockdown played a part in it: I think subconsciously I felt like so much had been taken away from me that I fixated on something which, in reality, isn't the be all and end all. It's really hard to work out if my current feelings just all stem from those feelings during lockdown. A lot to unpick really. I've never thought of myself as an anxious person but maybe I am!

OP posts:

Original poster

stillworriedaboutname · 21/02/2022 20:07

@Enough4me

OP, think about shortened versions or nicknames and go with this now before school.

I don't think there any truly perfect names to capture how much love you can feel for a child though!

I don't think there any truly perfect names to capture how much love you can feel for a child though!

So true ❤️

OP posts:

OinkyO · 21/02/2022 20:07

Yes don't underestimate the impact of the lockdown etc even though it was well over a year ago now. Especially if you were pregnant expecting life to be one way then wondering what on earth was happening. Even now it hits me every now and again. X

Adelais · 21/02/2022 21:35

I can sympathise too. I also had a baby a month before lockdown and regret her name. We didn’t know the sex of the baby and I was convinced it was a boy and had a boys name I loved but of course it was a girl

We never decided on a girls name and then we couldn’t agree but I was desperate to name her so when she was a few days I settled on one from the list that oh liked but I’ve never loved it and it doesn’t feel right.
Not sure what to suggest but your not alone!

Inyournewdress · 02/12/2022 10:13

I could have written your post OP, I feel exactly the same.
For what it’s worth I regret not choosing a rarer name so maybe to some extent the grass is always greener.
I am sorry you are going through this too x

Hadtocomment · 02/12/2022 13:10

This is so common on this forum, I hope that saying that at least makes you realise you're not alone with this. It sounds to me more like generalised worry and anxiety fixing on the name, rather than an actual problem with the name. You know, I just thought I'd put in case helpful. I got several names off my parents and I hated all of them! Two of them are now super fashionable but weren't particularly at the time. However I had a nickname that is also a name and I've always been known as that it felt like me. So that is my name. There is nothing wrong with the names my parents gave me it's just they felt a bit long and fussy for me. THey are perfectly reasonable names. But, more important than anything to do with names, my parents are great and we are really close and they were great parents to have. So me not really liking their choice of names wasn't a big deal. What is the worst? That someone chooses a different shortening they like or a nickname instead? Being a great parents is the only thing that matters and the fact you are so worried about getting it all right shows you are a caring and loving parent.

Actors have stage names. Writers have pen names. There is no need for any name to affect anyone that much. At the end of the day it's not whether it's in the top 20 or outside the top 20, it'll be your child's name, and you liked it or else it wouldn't have been on your list. If for whatever reason they want a different name later (to be an actor or to sound more dramatic or to sound less dramatic, whatever they want) they can just change it themselves later on. I think now they have been named this name for a while and identify with it, I'd leave it up to them to decide. After a certain time it becomes their name that they identify with and not yours to go changing, if you see what I mean. Remember that you liked it at the time and it's probably just stress and anxiety that is undermining your confidence in it now. I bet it's still a nice name. Hope you feel better soon.

ThereAreNamesAndThereAreNamez · 03/12/2022 23:30

I think if it’s affecting you so much, you could change their name very easily and then keep their initial name as a middle name. Your child will adapt to it, as will teachers and family. It will soon be old news.

How much of this your perception could depend on what the name is and whether other people would generally perceive it to have negative connotations.

You could use a nickname for a while and see if that helps.

You don’t have to feel you are trapped with it. You do have a choice. A solicitor can change/add it within 10 minutes. No big deal.

Do you feel the same way about your own name, OP?

DuckWalkedUpToALemonadeStand · 04/12/2022 01:57

I don't think it's too late to change it.

Sundaisy · 12/12/2022 06:26

If you really want to change your kid's name, just go for it. 2 years is just a small age if you see it from a bigger perspective. People will get used to the new ne very soon and so will the kid. Ruining your mental peace is not worth it just because of the name of your kid. I

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