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Original poster

How do you agree to disagree on names with DH/DP

26 replies

PinkFizz19 · 05/02/2022 09:35

We're expecting our first baby in May and have a girls name planned but DH and I cannot agree to disagree on a boys name. Anything I love, he doesn't and vice versa.

We have a few names we can both agree on but they're not our favourites if you know what I mean and we'd be settling as we couldn't get the names we both want.

Can anyone recommend how we get around this if we were to have a boy? We feel we've gone over all the baby names time and time again.

Sorry I know this is a bit of a stubborn/can't win situation but was just curious if others have experienced this and how you resolved it? 💙

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emilyintheSE · 05/02/2022 09:39

The way we did it is I choose a shortlist of 5-10 names I all love and partner chooses his favourite from that list.

Not sure what you'd do if he didn't like any on your list though.... I'd don't give mine that option, he had to choose from the list.

harriet465 · 05/02/2022 09:42

This happened to myself, had a girl name which was very sentimental which DH would not consider as it had bad connections for him, he said if we had DD2 it would be my choice so I could use the name then.
SIL used a variation of the name very recently and currently expecting DD2. I shall still be using the name as the sentiment outweighs anything

InisnaBro · 05/02/2022 09:49

Honestly, I had a vision of what DS’s name was, in late pregnancy, and never seriously considered another name. DH accepted the validity of the vision!

Smartiepants79 · 05/02/2022 09:54

Well, you have to find a compromise don’t you? The same as in any big decision in your relationship. You ‘settle’ on on of the ones that you both like.
It’s either that or a pick a name out of a hat kind of scenario.

toastofthetown · 05/02/2022 10:15

It seems that you already know what the compromise is: that you choose a name that you both agree on, even if it’s neither of your favourites. If you are planning more than one child you could say one parent will name the first and the other names the second, but personally I don’t think it’s fair that one parent dislikes their child’s name. Most couples have to compromise on names.

SallyWD · 05/02/2022 10:37

We both had to compromise. I chose a name for my son that wasn't even in my top 20! It was made even more difficult because we needed to choose a name that worked in my husband's home country as well as UK. In the end we settled for a name that I wasn't mad on but quite liked and it has a very nice nickname that works well in the UK and will suit him in childhood and adulthood. Also for my daughter I chose a name that wasn't in my top 20 (or even my top 50) but it's a nice enough name. Once your child is here the name becomes them and you grow to love it.

ISmellBurnings · 05/02/2022 10:59

I wrote a list, he wrote a list. The names on both lists we kept and chose one of them.

deeplyrooted · 05/02/2022 11:07

we didn’t see it as a conflict; just a challenge to find a name we both liked. We finally found it when were out to dinner and the waiter had written his name on the bill and at that stage we were reading names off bookshelves and cereal packets for inspiration.

Luredbyapomegranate · 05/02/2022 11:49

There’s an app that matches your choices, otherwise 2 long lists on the fridge with both your choices (x tick, double tick each others)

TerribleCustomerCervix · 05/02/2022 12:41

With Dd I read out a list of Irish girls names, and DH said “oh I like that!” at one of them, then he started using it as soon as we found out the sex at the 20 week scan. He convinced me over the following 20 weeks.

With DS, I’d been clear from the off that if we ever had a boy I wanted to use a family name which DH happened to like anyway, so that was v straightforward.

Original poster
PinkFizz19 · 05/02/2022 13:12

Thanks everyone. Some good suggestions and yes I probably just need to give my head a wobble and not look so down on the compromised names.

I'm probably just being a little precious as this is a much wanted baby following 3 miscarriages and IVF 💛 we'll probably find a name we both like and then have a girl Smile

OP posts:
theothermichelle · 05/02/2022 13:20

We couldn't agree so we picked a family, neither of us love it but it's fine. I didn't use his name in the beginning but I have got used to it over time. Congratulations.

theothermichelle · 05/02/2022 13:21

*family name

TeacupDrama · 05/02/2022 13:26

both write a list of 20 names you think are ok including your favourites you both get to veto 10 name son others list then you put 5 into favourites and 5 into ok
you can't cheat and put 10 ridiculous names like rumpelstiltskin just so they are rejected / vetoed it must be 20 names you genuinely really like or quite like
if your choice is first name DH chooses middle name or vice versa

BertieBotts · 05/02/2022 13:50

Find out the sex so you know what you're looking for?

You do need to choose one you both like even if you don't love it. I think boys' names are more polarising unfortunately so less likely to find a "love" for both of you but if you get one that's "OK" it will probably grow on you.

We have three boys and struggled every time! The boys' names we like are more ordinary than the girls' names we like. But we love their names now.

theremustonlybeone · 05/02/2022 13:54

We had this with baby number 3. We actually finally decided on the way to the registry office to register his birth. We had a list, he went out with a friend the night before and discussed it and I did the same with friends who popped round . Then decision made on the car journey -

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/02/2022 13:55

Well find out the sex for starters - why spend time and effort disagreeing if you are not having a boy anyway?

Fixerupper500 · 05/02/2022 22:26

We narrowed our list down to about 3, but I made the final decision on first name and DH made the decision on middle name. We are expecting another boy soon and struggling even more this time. Boys names are definitely harder!

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 05/02/2022 22:43

For our daughter I had a name that I wanted since I was a kid. Luckily DH liked it.
For our two boys we just threw out names that we liked. If either of us vetoed it was off the table. I can't remember which of us came up with the eventual names we chose but we both loved them.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 05/02/2022 22:46

We agreed on first dc but second my dh suggested a name that I didn't love but didn't hate. Every other name I suggested he would say 'It's ok but I prefer x**x'

I gave in as at the time we thought we might have a third child and thought allowing dh to choose would mean I could get my way next. We didn't have a third and I still don't love the name.

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 05/02/2022 22:47

Turn it into a fun game. Go through alllll the names on the excel data on the ONS website, draw up as long a longlist each as you can. And then discuss.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/babynamesenglandandwales/2020

Congrats and best of luck with your pregnancy. Sounds like you've been through the mill Flowers

ZoyaTheDestroyer · 05/02/2022 22:48

We have a few names we can both agree on but they're not our favourites if you know what I mean and we'd be settling as we couldn't get the names we both want.

I don’t mean to sound harsh OP but this is literally the definition of a compromise. Otherwise it’s just one person letting the other have their way.

Perhaps consider finding out your baby’s sex. You may be having a girl and this could all be academic.

StrychnineIntheSandwiches · 05/02/2022 22:49

Personally I'd have to love my child's name, so I'd keep plugging away looking for something that appealed to us both, even if it meant she was nameless for a spell after birth.

Chichimcgee · 05/02/2022 22:51

My son has the only name me and his dad agreed on. Not my first choice or his. Can’t decide on my baby girls name and have let my son choose. Think you have to compromise really

Ems2021 · 06/02/2022 08:25

Omg were in the same situation. This is baby number 4, we have 2 boys and a little girl who passed away. We used our favourite names on those, there was little discussion really as we loved those names.

Now this little girlie (currently 29 weeks), we cannot agree on a name at all.

We both went through websites and a name book and came up with a list each of about 8 names. There are 3 that we both picked, but he prefers one and I prefer another.nThrow in our teenage boys opinions, they only like one of them 🙈🙈🙈🙈

We will of course compromise but one of us will end up with a name we don't really love and I'm worried we'll regret it

Hope you find one you love in the end