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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Same name?

21 replies

wildswimmer20 · 13/10/2021 15:34

Ladies help

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and this morning a school friend has announced the name of her little baby which is the name we had chosen if we have a girl months ago.

She’s an old friend, keep in touch via fb message group with few friends from school. See about once a year for lunch with group if I’m back home (a plane journey away).

Name is not particularly common (not top 100) but not unique either and fully aware there could be others but didn’t expect a friend to have a baby with the same name so close to ours!

Feeling very hormonal and can’t bear the thought of going back to the drawing board as was the only name we could agree on. Hopefully it’s a boy now and don’t have to worry..

Would you keep you the name and how would you approach this with said friend? Or would you ditch and try and find another name even if dont like as much? Thanks!

OP posts:

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SE13Mummy · 13/10/2021 15:41

Keep the name you've already chosen. If you want to message her to let her know you you've chosen the same one if your baby is a girl, go for it.

mads2750 · 13/10/2021 15:42

Keep it and just say you'd had the name planned for months - it's the truth!

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 15:45

I'd just say something like
"How funny! We've got the same name picked if we have a girl! Great minds think alike and all that"

It shows that you are aware that you've got the same baby names rather than one copying off the other and if either of you have a problem with it, you have time to change.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 13/10/2021 15:48

@Biancadelrioisback

I'd just say something like "How funny! We've got the same name picked if we have a girl! Great minds think alike and all that"

It shows that you are aware that you've got the same baby names rather than one copying off the other and if either of you have a problem with it, you have time to change.

This is the best response

Suspicioussam · 13/10/2021 16:48

I personally wouldn't say 'haha how funny, great minds etc' as it sounds fake to me. It's obvious you wouldn't be finding it funny and would actually probably be stressing about it (which you are)
I would just be totally honest and say 'congratulations and then just say 'the name is gorgeous, it's actually our top name if we have a girl, it's the only name we both agree on and got our heart set on it, hope you don't mind if we also use it.
If it's a good friend she will understand and just say she doesn't mind but at least you've been honest.

LadyGAgain · 13/10/2021 16:49

Don't ask her permission!!

Blackberrybunnet · 13/10/2021 17:14

She is going to be totally p'd off if you choose the same name no matter what you say to her. That said, she doesn't have sole ownership rights, so it's completely up to how much that bothers you.

Flickeringgreenlight · 13/10/2021 17:17

Easy. Imagine it was the other way around and you had the baby first. What would you expect her to say / do - if anything?

Aquamarine1029 · 13/10/2021 17:19

Keep the name and don't even think about asking for permission. You're friendly but hardly ever see each other, your kids having the same name would never matter.

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 17:21

@Suspicioussam

I personally wouldn't say 'haha how funny, great minds etc' as it sounds fake to me. It's obvious you wouldn't be finding it funny and would actually probably be stressing about it (which you are) I would just be totally honest and say 'congratulations and then just say 'the name is gorgeous, it's actually our top name if we have a girl, it's the only name we both agree on and got our heart set on it, hope you don't mind if we also use it. If it's a good friend she will understand and just say she doesn't mind but at least you've been honest.

But they hardly see each other so it's not like there really is anything to 'mind'. How likely are the kids to actually meet and become friends? I genuinely would find it funny if my friends and I picked the same name as me.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 13/10/2021 17:22

I would just be totally honest and say 'congratulations and then just say 'the name is gorgeous, it's actually our top name if we have a girl, it's the only name we both agree on and got our heart set on it, hope you don't mind if we also use it.

This but without the last bit - you don’t need to ask for permission, and if you do and she declines, you’re in an awkward spot. Just give her the heads up that you’re considering the same name.

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 17:23

Definitely don't make it sounds like you're asking permission or seeking her approval as it completely ruin the friendship if she says no

user1493494961 · 13/10/2021 17:27

I would still choose the name.

moonshine3600 · 13/10/2021 17:29

@TakeYourFinalPosition

This for me

OttilieStonelady · 13/10/2021 17:29

My cousin and I used the same name for our children 2 months apart. No problem at all. They both have slightly diff nicknames. Neither of us minded at all! I told her the name I was going to use, she decided she liked it also, I suggested we both used it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Laloo4 · 13/10/2021 17:31

I would message congratulations and just telling her in a friendly way that you’ve chosen the same name if it’s a girl. Don’t ask for permission to use it as a) she has no say I what you name your baby, and b) you’ll be in a more awkward spot if she says she does mind. Just don’t make a big deal of it and hopefully she’ll reply in the same spirit. I wouldn’t change your favourite name based on a friend you only see rarely using it too.

Suspicioussam · 13/10/2021 17:39

@Biancadelrioisback I guess it depends on personality doesn't it. The OP is clearly worried about it so the chances are a friend would realise she doesn't actually think it's funny...
I think it's always best to be honest then you come across as genuine. I would personally say 'hope you don't mind' at the end, but that's just me. I'm not ASKING if they mind just saying I hope they don't.
If the friend was blunt enough to say 'i DO mind actually' then she would probably say something like that in response to any message she recieved!
Chances are she will just say 'dont be silly go for it'

beans1992 · 13/10/2021 19:01

I wouldn’t use it personally. But it depends how much you like it.

BeKindBeYou · 13/10/2021 19:08

@Biancadelrioisback

I'd just say something like "How funny! We've got the same name picked if we have a girl! Great minds think alike and all that"

It shows that you are aware that you've got the same baby names rather than one copying off the other and if either of you have a problem with it, you have time to change.

Exactly this!

Definitely keep it :)

Stokey · 13/10/2021 19:08

We had a similar situation. There was a name that 2 of my school friends had used for their DDs that we both really liked, but decided against it as it felt too popular. Now dd2 is 9 and we've barely seem the friends. We keep in touch via FB and I sometimes meet my friends, but Dd2 has only met each of the other DDs once in her life. So basically it would have been totally fine. That said, the name is more popular that the one we ended up with and we know quite a few other children since so I don't regret it too much, but my reasons for not choosing it really didn't matter in the long run.

Foxglovers · 13/10/2021 20:51

Definitely still use the name!!
I absolutely wouldn’t care if someone I knew used my childrens names. Maybe send a casual messsge as pp said saying ‘haha we have the same name picked for a girl, could be two of them!’ Or something like that.

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