Surnames with blended family

[Usertrouble]

I have no idea what name I should give my lo that I am expecting in 12 weeks.

I am divorced and kept my married name as is the same as my older dc.
My dp also is divorced and has the same name as his dc
We are not married
So what surname should our baby have?
I know my name now belongs to me but my dp isn’t keen on having my exh name included with double barreling the new baby’s name (to be honest nor am I) that means calling the baby my dp name but being different to mine and my older dc.
Or do I change my name surname to double barrel to include both even though we’re not married?
Do I just get married because it seems easier?
What have others done?

If you get married, it won’t make any difference to the naming quandary, so I don’t see why you say it seems easier.

Switch to your maiden name and give that as a double barrel to the LO? Can your other children have their dads name and your maiden name double barreled?

One other point: if you get married what do you plan to do with your surname? Then you can give that surname to the LO, it doesn't really matter if you're not married with the name thing,

Mm, the ideal on the face of it would be to double barrel with your current surname and your partner’s surname, thus linking baby’s name to everyone else in the family.
I don’t think it would be fair to change your existing children’s surname to accommodate your ‘new’ family in any way.
I don’t think there is an easy answer tbh.

I wouldn’t be able to change my older dc surname at all and don’t think that would be fair.
The getting married thing would be so I could have both my current married name and my dp name double barreled
So I have my name linked to both my current dc and my baby

I just think if I changed my name to include my partners without getting married, it would look like I was trying to pretend to be married.
He’s been asking me for 2 years but it’s me who is reluctant

But even if you got married, surely that would still mean the baby would have a double barrelled surname, with the name your husband doesn’t want? And would your DP change his name to match yours - then he would have the surname too?

So you are Sarah Smith, partner is Ben Jones. In the double barrel scenario, you would be Sarah Smith-Jones, partner would remain Ben Jones, and baby would be Johnny Jones.
Have I got that right? Probably the best option really as you remain linked by name to your existing children and linked to new baby by surname too.
I don’t think people would think too much on it if you did choose to change your name without the marriage part, it’s not really their concern or business anyway.

@Ughmaybenot yes that sounds like the best option, so I double barrel my name to include my partners and baby is has his name.
That way I’m connected to both sets of children and the children all have their dads name. I’m ok with that. Just the changing my name without getting married bit, I was a worried about but now I’m not sure many people would even question it to be honest.
Thanks for your help

I think you should get married because you want to get married and not for any other reason, not least because it doesn't really solve this issue anyone as others have pointed out.
Any reason why you can't go back to your original surname? You would not be able to change the surname of your own child (not without your ex agreeing, and he obv won't), but it can be easier to "informally" add a name to their surname so it's double barrelled. Passport etc won't change, but in practice they will be known as their new name - how practical this is depends partly on their age and their own views too of course.
As you are not married and clearly have concerns I'd stick to your guns and double barrel the new baby's name in some way - you can always change your mind about this in the future if you do get married or for any other reason. (It would simply mean your DP would have to agree and it doesn't look likely that he won't.)