Middle name regret

[Nc1468]

Okay before I begin I realise that this may seem minor to some people so please if you don't have anything helpful to say don't comment 😊

Our son is 2 and before he was born DH really wanted to use FILs middle name for DSs middle name. It's a name I personally don't like, nothing to do with FIL but simply a name I don't like.

For some reason I agreed, which looking back on I really wish I hadn't have.

Since DS has been born things have happened between DH and FIL and we now no longer have any contact with him.

It's really been bothering me recently that my son now has his middle name and doesn't even know who he is. I really want to change it, but DH doesn't think it's necessary.

Has anyone else done this? Is it difficult to change it?

I'd be wary of pushing this too much because to your dh, it might seem like a final severance between him and his dad, like there's no coming back from it. He might profess to be ok with it but going fully NC with a parent can be hard to do. Obviously I don't know the circumstances but this is an area I'd tread lightly in.

It's a middle name, it doesn't matter.

I'd leave it. Maybe try to think of it as a family name, as many middle names are, not just your FIL's middle name. Your DS might, one day, appreciate the connection to his grandfather. I share my middle name with my grandmother and I love it, we weren't estranged in any way though.

How difficult it is to make the change depends on where you live. In the UK, as he's past one year, I believe you would have to request a name change by deed poll and you will need the father's approval. This won't update the birth certificate, so it may create extra steps for paperwork in future - for example, if you apply for a passport for him (or he does as an adult for himself) you'll need to submit the name change paperwork along with the birth certificate.

Can you find positive associations with the name, for example historical figures or writers, artists, athletes, etc., so you don't think of it mainly as FIL's name? Have other members of your H's family used it, so it's more something passed down rather than specifically FIL's name? In some cultures a firstborn boy automatically gets the paternal grandfather's name, so it's more tradition than the fact that that specific person is nice, or will be close to the baby. (Of course, if your FIL has done something really awful, it might be worth changing.)