Middle name query

[Babybrain26]

My lo is nearly 2 weeks old. As a first name we have decided on Charlie however we cant decide if his middle name should be Patrick or oliver. I just liked the sound of oliver, but my late uncle was called patrick. He was an alcoholic and died young. My mum and sister have been presssurising me to use patrick and now my oh says he prefers Patrick.

My husbands cousin had a baby 3 years ago and named him Patrick also, he died however after 40 days (difficulties during the birth) she then used the name as a middle name for her second boy. I dont want to offend her either...what should I do?

Depends on your surname - you might wish to avoid the initials making a word like COB, COD, COC, COK, COP, COW. COY might be ok.

It would be insensitive to use Patrick given the cousin's loss.

Our surname is mcg*y. I was worried it might be insensitive too but my family and oh sudnt think so as it's a middle name only 🤷‍♀️

Could you use both as a compromise?
Charlie Oliver Patrick Surname?

I think an entirely different name would be easier

Your baby, you pick the name. I really like Charlie and would probably put Charles on the BC. Oliver sounds good as a middle name, Patrick less so.

Congratulations on your beautiful baby Charlie Oliver M

I think it’s insensitive to use Patrick too

But I also think you should do what you want and not be pressured by your mum and sister or MN

Charlie Patrick Oliver Mc...

Done.

Depends how close you are to the cousin, whether you'd see them much but it does sound as though they've 'done' Patrick within the family.

Was your late Uncle a lovely person? Did you have a strong relationship with him? If both, I can understand you wanting to commemorate him but if it's to please you mum and aunt, I don't think so. They will have their own ways to remember him. I must say too that I wouldn't be keen on being told I'd been named after an alcoholic who died young.

Oliver is lovely. Charlie Oliver ... will sound good. Though if it makes an unfortunate word, you could use them them the other way around and still call him Charlie.

Will people sing the Val Doonican song at him if you use Patrick?

You like Oliver, use Oliver. It's not on for anyone else to pressurise you, especially if it might lead to other issues.

Use both, DD has two, both family names from each side.

I couldn't use Patrick with that history. I love the name but it would make me uncomfortable.
Alternatively consider if your maiden name works as a middle name? Oliver is nice.

If you do want to use Patrick then your DH should ideally run it past cousin first and explain it's significance to you.

We arent too close (location wise) but she would be my husbands first cousin. We dont see her very often. I still think it's a bit insensitive though. I'll ask oh what he thinks again, and his opinion on 2 middle names. My late uncle was often drunk when I was a child which disappointed me to be honest but when he was partially sober we did get on. He passed when I was in my late teens. I dont want to be disrespectful but I'm not sure it's a nice history behind the name either.

If you don't like the history of Patrick on your side then you could always tell your family its out of the running due to his side?

I did mention that to my family but they were of the opinion that his cousin probably wouldn't care as it's only a middle name. Spoke to oh, we'd both prefer only one middle name...nightmare.

I think you mum and sister should butt out.

Charles Oliver is very nice - I would just do that if I were you.

Why do you need a middle name? They are not compulsory and will never be used.

Oh has also mentioned he would like Charlie rather than Charles on the Bc. I prefer charles myself.

In our family we all have middle names, just a tradition I guess

Thanks party at the palace? Just have to convince oh.

Just because someone has passed away doesn't mean a new baby in the family needs to be named after them. It sounds like this is being pushed far more by other family members than by you. Will you be showing photos of his namesake to your child and telling him all about them? I'm sure there are people on your dh's side who could also be "honoured" in this way - far simpler to choose fresh names with no history.

Charlie could be Charles on the BC and Charlie in everyday life.

If you want to insist on Charles you could suggest that if you had wanted Dave you'd still put David on the BC, or DH's name if he goes by a nn.

Charlie is fine as a standalone name.

Stick with Charlie Oliver - great name! - and stop talking with your family about it. Just announce it and don't discuss it.

Thanks for the feedback. My mum and sis really messed up yesterday so that made me decide on Charlie Oliver. I'm sick of trying to please others all the time. When they dont really care about me or my kids.